MIL clearly likes one child over another

[Anonymous]

My MIL clearly prefers my DS over DD. Her recent comment just really got to me. "I just love that boy so much, you know I love the boys. I mean DD is cute, but DS has my heart." Thankfully she has never said it in front of my kids but it is pretty obvious. Aside from her words, she recently brought my DS new legos and my DD, you guessed it, nothing. I couldn't do anything about it because I was not there at the time. Ugh!!

[Anonymous]

My MIL said the same thing! I pull her aside and ask her not to do that because my other child will hear and get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL said the same thing! I pull her aside and ask her not to do that because my other child will hear and get hurt.

Of course, it’s bad if either child hears that.

[Anonymous]

So is your husband addressing this? If not, you have a husband and MIL problem

[Anonymous]

Everyone should be someone's favorite.

[Anonymous]

She sounds a bit toxic. Is she judgmental in other ways? She is lucky to have grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is your husband addressing this? If not, you have a husband and MIL problem

This.

I knew a woman, a co-worker who did this with her niece and nephew. She would gush about the nephew—how smart, how sweet, her darling boy. Pictures of him all over her office. In fact it was a few years in before I realized she had a niece. She was off to the side in a photo and I asked who it was. She grimaced and said, “oh, that’s my niece.”

She had a tiny family, only one sibling. It must have been so hard to be that dreaded girl. She married late in life and had a boy and a girl. I’ve lost touch but I can’t imagine she has got over her boy obsession. It’s strange that people do this.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP, that is really frustrating. My entire family is like this with my child vs. my sister’s children. They all live in close proximity, except my mother who visits them more frequently. It’s driven a bigger wedge between us as my child is old enough now to notice and have feelings hurt by it. I agree your husband needs to address this sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

So we aren’t allowed to have favorites? Your mil just had the balls to say it.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter if she says it or not. The kids know. I always knew I was my aunt’s favorite. My siblings also knew. We also knew my other cousins were our grandfather’s favorites. I don’t remember caring about any of that but remember thinking it was sunny how mad it would make my parents. My parents definitely favor my son over all of the grandchildren. He can’t do any wrong in their eyes. It doesn’t matter if they say it or not. We tease them about since they are so ridiculous. Try that approach and at least make light of the situation. You can’t change people.

[Anonymous]

^funny not sunny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t matter if she says it or not. The kids know. I always knew I was my aunt’s favorite. My siblings also knew. We also knew my other cousins were our grandfather’s favorites. I don’t remember caring about any of that but remember thinking it was sunny how mad it would make my parents. My parents definitely favor my son over all of the grandchildren. He can’t do any wrong in their eyes. It doesn’t matter if they say it or not. We tease them about since they are so ridiculous. Try that approach and at least make light of the situation. You can’t change people.

I am so glad I didn’t grow up in your family! I am glad you think it’s all good. Plenty of the non-favored kids would disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone should be someone's favorite.

Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean grandmothers should say things like this out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP, that is really frustrating. My entire family is like this with my child vs. my sister’s children. They all live in close proximity, except my mother who visits them more frequently. It’s driven a bigger wedge between us as my child is old enough now to notice and have feelings hurt by it. I agree your husband needs to address this sooner rather than later.

My kid was yours in our family’s dynamic. I never hid a thing, because denying anything was gaslighting. I didn’t dwell, although I did explain it had to do with the older generation’s feeling about me and not about anything important about who he was. Kid is 20 now, and unscarred by the blatant favoritism shown by a certain set of grandparents. He keeps them a bit at arms length, which is appropriate, and he knows he has a loving home amongst the other relatives. I did few things right, but I did handle this one well so pass on my experience to you.

[Anonymous]

This would result in no access to preferred child.