Little white lie?

[Anonymous]

My DH works in a field that often has him working on holidays. He was supposed to work Christmas Day, but he managed to get it off. Nobody knows. He wants to just do nothing but have a quiet day at home, but his family, particularly his mom who hasn’t celebrated on Christmas with him in over a decade, will be so hurt. (We are seeing them Christmas Eve). To do this, it would require DD9 and DS7 to go along with the lie, if asked. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Well, the kids will know that their dad was home on Christmas and might say something to grandma at some point in the future, at which point, grandma will be all like, "Wtf? Why you no see me?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Someone will inevitably ask them later what they did on Christmas, usually when we make phone calls or FaceTime family on Christmas. It happens every year. They ask, what are you doing. It’s usually something boring the kids and I go out to do, but this year, we will be home with dad. So lying by omission, even?

[Anonymous]

I would have the quiet day at home but not expect the kids to lie about it.

You are spending Christmas Eve with his mom. I would make it a secret for the kids and let his mom in on the secret on Christmas Eve. Make it seem so special that he will get to spend Christmas morning with his kids.

Maybe his mom can drop over for a bit later in the day to see the gifts the kids got and to have a cup of tea if she is alone all day. No need to get out of pjs or do anything with her but if she wants to sit and have a tea and cookie while everyone lounges, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Well, the kids will know that their dad was home on Christmas and might say something to grandma at some point in the future, at which point, grandma will be all like, "Wtf? Why you no see me?"

Yes, this is exactly what I don’t want to happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Well, the kids will know that their dad was home on Christmas and might say something to grandma at some point in the future, at which point, grandma will be all like, "Wtf? Why you no see me?"

Grandma is presumably an adult and if it comes up in conversation and she chooses to get all butt hurt, that's on her. It's not your job to manage her feelings.

It's perfectly fine for your husband to want to stay home and enjoy the day, especially after spending Christmas Eve with his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Well, the kids will know that their dad was home on Christmas and might say something to grandma at some point in the future, at which point, grandma will be all like, "Wtf? Why you no see me?"

Yes, this is exactly what I don’t want to happen!

So. what if it happens? Your husband needs to either let her mom know that these are the plans, or deal with the fallout if he doesn't tell her and she finds out.

And if you're with them on Christmas Eve, that's celebrating Christmas together.

[Anonymous]

He should invite his mom over obviously.

She wants to enjoy her grandkids on Christmas morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should invite his mom over obviously.

She wants to enjoy her grandkids on Christmas morning.

People are allowed a preference. She’s enjoying them on the 24th.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a case where you try to model appropriate adult behavior for your children. Meaning, you set a kind and firm boundary and deal with the fallout vs sneaking around and asking people to lie for you. Blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Someone will inevitably ask them later what they did on Christmas, usually when we make phone calls or FaceTime family on Christmas. It happens every year. They ask, what are you doing. It’s usually something boring the kids and I go out to do, but this year, we will be home with dad. So lying by omission, even?

1. See everybody in the 24 as planned
2. Wake up at home, surprise the kids with DH, have a nice and quiet breakfast and whatever
3. Hold off on phone communications until noon
4. Surprise the rest of the family with “DH got the day off/came home early!”
5. Expect that Grandma may come over for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do the kids need to know? Let them be pleasantly surprised when they wake up and dad is home.

Well, the kids will know that their dad was home on Christmas and might say something to grandma at some point in the future, at which point, grandma will be all like, "Wtf? Why you no see me?"

And then DH is an adult and says "Mom, I just REALLY needed a day off to relax at home and have zero obligations. Besides, I LITERALLY saw you the day before, on Christmas Eve."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a case where you try to model appropriate adult behavior for your children. Meaning, you set a kind and firm boundary and deal with the fallout vs sneaking around and asking people to lie for you. Blah.

yes.