Tips on how to get 4.5 year old to get going?
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Anonymous
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Hi there! My otherwise delightful little boy is SO SLOW when it’s time to get ready for school or bed. Every day it’s the same, and seems to be getting worse. He just ignores us and always dreams up something he “just has to do”- a picture to draw, a little game to play, or a story he just has to tell us before he could possibly even begin thinking about getting his shoes on.
Tips? We have tried cajoling, demanding, 1-2-3 magic with threats of no stories (this is, lately, the only thing that compels progress at bedtime). We have consistent routines and he knows how to follow them, it just seems like he doesn’t respect my/ DJ/ grandparental authority in these instances. He’s a total delight at school according to his teachers, and to us most of the time. But we’re so exhausted by the lengthy bedtimes and always running late for school! |
Anonymous
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I always appeal to my daughter's sense of competition. On days that she's going soooo slow at bedtime, I say "let's see how fast you can get into your pajamas!" and I either race to get mine on at the same time or count slowly. Then the next day, she tries to beat her time (spoiler alert: I always let her beat her time by counting slower).
Sometimes she whispers to me, "mommy...I have a secret. I love winning SO MUCH" So it appears that I've just traded one problem for another, but hey, at least she's in her pajamas quickly. |
Anonymous
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Honestly I just physically intervene with stuff like this. I hate the nagging dynamic where the kids just totally tune you out. It's lame.
Sometimes if they're not ready I just carry them to the car as-is and then finish with socks/shoes etc once we get to preschool. |
Anonymous
This. It’s just not worth the struggle for me. My middle child dawdles like crazy, so I gently take her arm and walk her to the door and sit her next to her shoes and say ‘keep telling me the story while you put your shoes on.’ I will physically take the pencil out of her hand and bring her to the bedroom. Sometimes I just put the shoes on her myself or change her clothes like I would my toddler. If I waited for her to comply with a direction, I would spend several days yelling from the front door. |
Anonymous
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I intervene too. My nearly 4 year old can dress herself and brush hair etc. but it'll take her ages. So either she does it expeditiously or I just do it for her. And it's only with me. She likes being "little" with mommy but will show off how fast and good she is at putting on tights and shoes for daddy and at preschool. Meh. They're only little once so I snuggle her and put in her tights/pants and shoes.
We do race to the car and I appeal to her sense if competition there "do you want to be first to the car or do you want me to be first?" |
Anonymous
| I have a 7yo..If you find a solution please let me know |
Anonymous
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I don’t see it as authority - that just sets up a huge struggle over shoes, and I am supposed to be more mature than that.
I too will put on my 4.5 yo’s shoes while he finishes telling me all about his dream or whatever. It is kore important to me that he knows I care about him and his feeling than that he shows me he can put in his shoes. I am hoping this makes him talk to me about his feelings when he is 15 too - don’t burst my bubble! |
Anonymous
He respects you. He is procrastinating. The problem with threats is that you don’t follow through and kids figure this out. To shape behavior for long term results, use positive reinforcements not punishments or threats there of. Read the Kazdin Method. |
Anonymous
| I would be interested in what he says if you ask him about this when it’s not happening, like if you’re snuggled up on the couch on a weekend afternoon. Ask him what his mind says when he hears that it is time to get ready for bed and what he thinks the family can do to help this stop happening. I would also try having him put on his pajamas before dinner or directly after, so that part is taken out of the equation when it’s time for bed. That leaves just teeth brushing, and maybe he could do that right after dinner downstairs to take that out of the equation. Both going to school and getting ready for bed are about separating from you. He still needs to follow directions, and I would use a sticker chart and a large visual timer that shows how much time is left before he needs to be in bed or out the door. I’d also just physically pick him up and move him and do that as calmly as possible. I think you can also remove yourself and go read in your room with the door shut, if feasible, so he doesn’t get your attention until he’s in pajamas, etc. Not always possible, or he might not care, but this seems to be about power and wanting to remain with you. |
Anonymous
| We were pretty strict on screen time so in the morning the deal was if he didn’t dawdle and was ready for school a few minutes early he could play on the ipad/phone/computer. |
Anonymous
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My slow one is 8. He needs a lot of time to wake up in the morning. I see him get out of bed and just sit on the floor, looking at nothing. He’s just a slow riser. He also can’t really carry on a conversation or eat when he first wakes up.
What has helped us is: - showering at night - sleeps in his clothes (luckily he likes soft athletic pants) - I keep breakfast bars in my purse and in the car for him when he finally decides he’s awake enough to eat. Also sometimes fruit smoothies work, he will drink something even if he can’t wake up enough to eat things. - whatever can be done during the parts of the day where he is more awake will be done. No big decisions or serious conversations in the am. |
Anonymous
| Lots of good suggestions here, thanks so much! |