When will I feel the same about my baby than I do about my first?

[Anonymous]

I am glad I had my baby. I like taking care of her. I like nursing and holding her and dont even mind waking up at night. But I’m a baby person; I would probably enjoy taking care of any baby that happened to be in my house. I don’t feel attached and head over heels with her the way I feel with my older child. I didn’t worry about it at first because everyone always says it sometimes takes a while to “bond.” But she’s almost two months old now. When will I start feeling the same way about her as I do about my other child? Soon I hope...although I don’t worry about her as much as I do about the older one, so I guess that’s nice for everyone.

[Anonymous]

When she develops a personality. I felt the same about my second kid, loved him but didn't feel "bonded" like I did to my first. He must have been 6 months+? But he's now 5 and you wouldn't believe how much I adore that kid.

[Anonymous]

Falling in love with your child is a process.

For my first, it was instant because it my first and I'd never experienced anything like it. She's 6 now and I swear I love her more and more each day.

For my 2 year olds (twins) it wasn't instant. The first few months, even year, were about survival.

But now? I'm fairly recently head.over.heels for those babies! As PP stated, when the personality develops it really takes off. I'm absolutely obsessed with my 2 year olds now.

[Anonymous]

Around 2 or 3 months when my 2nd baby started to smile at me, and started to demonstrate little quirks of her personality that are unique to her, I started to really love her. At 8 months now I'm starting to think she's the cutest thing I've ever seen. But I have to admit I still am not obsessed with her the way I am my oldest. My oldest is just so funny and caring. I think it's going to be awhile (maybe when she's 2 or so) before I really feel the same way. But I'm really confident that I'll get there with her, and I think you will too!

[Anonymous]

+1 to all of the above. My daughter was 2.5 when my son was born. For the first year of my son's life I kept asking myself this same question. My son is 1.5 now and it was only seeing your post that I realized that I hadn't thought this in a while. Spending one on one time, which is hard to do, helps too. I don't mind that he wakes up so much earlier than his sister most of the time, because this is the time every day that it's just the two of us.

[Anonymous]

Same with me OP. That natural rush of instant love and devotion came with my first DC. Then when my second DC was born, all I wanted was first DC. I didn’t bond at all until about six months. Now they are 4 and 6 and I love both of them equally- they are very different kids but each is my whole heart.

I worried so much those first six months but it was coming. I think for me, babies are cute and sweet but kind of boring. My older kid was more fun.

[Anonymous]

Also, don’t confuse anxiety and constant Googling with love. You might well be less worried about this one but that doesn’t mean you live her less!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, for me, it took until he was about 3 years old to "love" him like I do his older brother. DS1 was an absolute joyful baby and toddler. DS2 was an effing nightmare. He turned 3 in September and I actually told DH just last night that I'm glad things have taken a turn with him because he was a little a-hole for the past 3 years. He's finally starting to be a little person you can talk to and reason with, and not just tantruming and screaming all.the.time. Now DS1 is getting into this "fourmonal" stage with whining and crying and just being annoying so I like DS2 more.

I swear I love my children dearly - they are my world. I'm just keeping it real!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, for me, it took until he was about 3 years old to "love" him like I do his older brother. DS1 was an absolute joyful baby and toddler. DS2 was an effing nightmare. He turned 3 in September and I actually told DH just last night that I'm glad things have taken a turn with him because he was a little a-hole for the past 3 years. He's finally starting to be a little person you can talk to and reason with, and not just tantruming and screaming all.the.time. Now DS1 is getting into this "fourmonal" stage with whining and crying and just being annoying so I like DS2 more.

I swear I love my children dearly - they are my world. I'm just keeping it real!

Interesting you say this. My first is difficult and was a terrible baby. I couldn’t even cuddle with him because he would thrash about. It was incredibly easy for me to return to work. Now that he is around 3 I’m understanding how someone could have a second. I’m hoping I have the experience with my second you had with your first.

[Anonymous]

Uh yes you will. In fact when the older child is in the grips of the terrible twos or the threenagers phase and the baby is in the lovely cooey happy baby face you may prefer to hang out with the baby more. Just wait.

[Anonymous]

Took me about a year. In all honesty, I now favor the second one. Her personality is just so much more fun than my first. I love my first! But I enjoy being around my second more.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel the same way about them, even though I love them all deeply. My relationship with each of my children is different. It's a lovely thing, embrace it!