Sibling with different personalities

[Anonymous]

My 2 kids have different personalities. The older one (6 year old boy) is loud, always on the go, likes attention, and talks nonstop all day. He talks/acts silly & likes to win (sometimes cries when he loses a game). The younger one (3 year old girl) is quiet, calm, likes observation, and her personality is mellow. She does not mind to wait & sit quietly looking at her brother having fun at karate/playdates. She is happy whenever her brother gives her some attention/love/hug, and she is his little tail. My boy has a tough time to share certain toys, and he loves to grab things off from her hands. She often does not mind at all, and she transitions onto other things easier. My boy cares about her as well because he sometimes saves her a tiny piece of candy when he has a few. Sometimes, they love to cuddle together. I think she admires him.

For my little girl's mellow personality, should I teach her to fight back/talk back? It has been "harmony" because of both kids' opposite personalities. She seems like she does not have much requests/needs. She is fine whatever I dress her, and she eats whatever I put them on her plate. My boy is a total story, and he is picky about food & clothes. I feel like she is too easy to the point that I am not sure if it is a good thing or bad thing. I don't have older sibling, is it common that little one often look up to older sibling growing up? I don't want her to grow up to be bossy/nosy as her brother, but I don't want her to grow up not knowing how to fight back/talk back (to me, it is like being taken advantage of).

[Anonymous]

Don't go borrowing trouble. They have a dynamic that works for them so leave them alone.

If OTHER people outside the home walk all over her THEN teach her to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Don't try to engineer a sibling relationship between your children. Leave them alone as long as they love and respect each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boy has a tough time to share certain toys, and he loves to grab things off from her hands. She often does not mind at all, and she transitions onto other things easier.

When you observe this behavior, what do you do?

[Anonymous]

Think of siblings as .. people.
We have siblings to help us get along with any person.

While you may see them as being opposite.. it’s ok! We are opposite of many people in the whole world. But, it’s up to you to help guide them in how to treat each other fairly and wi th consideration.

[Anonymous]

I think if you see him be unkind or take a toy from her you could interrupt and say that she had it first and he should ask for it. I would praise him for his kindnesses to her and sometimes mention that when we love people we stick up for them and always try to think of their feelings. Then just watch how they both are with other children so that you can see how they are in the world. As she gets older she’ll have a wider view of the world and her needs and wants will change. It’s great that you see their differences and are trying to be mindful. I think it’s also important that she sees you stick up for yourself in the world, like being assertive when at the grocery store, or telling how someone at work tried to get you to do something that wasn’t your responsibility so you said no and the person went elsewhere. Kids watch you all the time and you’re the greatest teacher of how to behave.

[Anonymous]

I have twin girls and one was always more laid back than the other - she'd let her sister have a toy or even take toys from her and would just move on to something else. She never needed to go first or win or do anything like that. Now the tables have turned and she uses her sister to do stuff (i.e. go back upstairs to retrieve a pair of shoes, etc.). I always made sure the one getting the benefit thanked the other (as soon as they could talk) but we otherwise generally haven't interfered. I did worry about one or the other being taken advantage of but I've also seen both of them stick up for themselves (and for their sister) with each other and with friends so I think it'll all work out in the end. I only have the twins but most of my friends have two kids and I know the older one can sometimes resent the younger - it sounds here like your older thinks he's getting some "wins" in and therefore might end up liking his sister more. And since she's not being harmed, I'd leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Leave it alone. My two older kids had a similar dynamics (also older boy/ younger girl), and around the time the younger one started HS it all started to change. She did not grow up to be a pushover, and he mellowed down.

I have to say, this is much better than what I had with my brother - older girl/ younger boy who perceived any interaction as me trying to boss him around. We had verbal fights until he was in his early 20s.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs, don’t interfere. The way I have heard it explained best is if they’re happy, be happy with it. And if you feel one is taking advantage, don’t worry because the one seeming to get the short end of the stick is learning how to navigate these situations and the tables will turn with time and things balance out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boy has a tough time to share certain toys, and he loves to grab things off from her hands. She often does not mind at all, and she transitions onto other things easier.

When you observe this behavior, what do you do?

This sentence also jumped at me. Although most of what you wrote seemed ok, this does not. This is the place where you need to intervene and tell your son that that's not ok.

[Anonymous]

Op here. He has many toys, bit he liked things his way & under his control. I sometime interfere telling him to share toys with sister, and he sometimes argue back saying that those are his toys. I try to reason with him, eg he is older, he has so many toys, those are baby toys that he no longer plays with, it is good to share etc. Sometimes he whines for attention, and he does not really play those toys at all. My girl does not mind him taking her toys, and sometimes she tells him not to cry & just passes him the toy. So sometimes I also don't feel like fighting for her. My son acts immature.

And pp is right that they get along because he often feels like he is number 1. He is taller than her, he is older than her, he knows how to read more than her, and he feels like he is winning & she is just a baby. But, he knows that she is his baby sister, and they are sibling. But at the playground, he will 99% playing with other kids, leaving her alone unless there's no other kid there.

I will leave them alone for now.

[Anonymous]

They both sound like sweet kids. I wouldn't let him snatch toys from her hands and I might encourage collaborative play but otherwise I'd leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He has many toys, bit he liked things his way & under his control. I sometime interfere telling him to share toys with sister, and he sometimes argue back saying that those are his toys. I try to reason with him, eg he is older, he has so many toys, those are baby toys that he no longer plays with, it is good to share etc. Sometimes he whines for attention, and he does not really play those toys at all. My girl does not mind him taking her toys, and sometimes she tells him not to cry & just passes him the toy. So sometimes I also don't feel like fighting for her. My son acts immature.

And pp is right that they get along because he often feels like he is number 1. He is taller than her, he is older than her, he knows how to read more than her, and he feels like he is winning & she is just a baby. But, he knows that she is his baby sister, and they are sibling. But at the playground, he will 99% playing with other kids, leaving her alone unless there's no other kid there.

I will leave them alone for now.

To me there is a behavior issue separate from the sibling interaction it sounds like you’re concerned about. I would address the snatching and not sharing. I wouldn’t let that slide but I would view that as molding his behavior he needs in all friendships not as engineering his sibling relationship. Good luck, OP.