My husband hates me

[Anonymous]

About three years ago, two things happened. My husband stopped drinking and started adderall. Since then, he has withdrawn from our marriage and seems to actively dislike me. He seems suspicious of me, always thinks the worst of me, doesn’t want to spend time with me or have anything to do with me, gets mad very quickly and yells says disrespectful things to me. Any ideas on how I could turn things around?

[Anonymous]

What would Adderall have to do with this?
Is he abusing it or does he take it as directed by a doctor.

Adderall generally doesn't change someone unless they're already suffering with multiple mental health issues.

This next part I'm saying in the most non-offensive way possible, ok?

Maybe the drinking allowed him to tolerate you and now that he's seeing you with a clearer head, he doesn't have an appreciation for the person he married?

How long was he drinking for?

[Anonymous]

You nagged him to give up something he loved then nagged him to take medication he didn't want. What did you think he was going to do?

[Anonymous]

It is very common for people to divorce after one spouse gets sober. You had one dynamic in the marriage and that dynamic included DH being drunk. Once DH is no longer drunk, the marriage dynamic is different. It usually doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Time to split. This is who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very common for people to divorce after one spouse gets sober. You had one dynamic in the marriage and that dynamic included DH being drunk. Once DH is no longer drunk, the marriage dynamic is different. It usually doesn't work out.

Yup. It's miserable but true. I was with someone for 5 years when he proposed (from 19-24). But he had a problem with alcohol and my condition with marrying him was that he got sober. It completely changed the Dynamics of our relationship. It completely changed him (both good and bad). We ended it. This was 15 years ago and I heard through a mutual friend that he met someone else around the same time I met DH but started drinking again when their youngest was 3, and now his wife has told him to get sober or get a divorce. It's sad. I don't think he likes who he is without alcohol.

So based on my experience, I'd say therapy. Both couples and individual.

[Anonymous]

Those drugs can definitely turn someone into a major jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very common for people to divorce after one spouse gets sober. You had one dynamic in the marriage and that dynamic included DH being drunk. Once DH is no longer drunk, the marriage dynamic is different. It usually doesn't work out.

Yup. It's miserable but true. I was with someone for 5 years when he proposed (from 19-24). But he had a problem with alcohol and my condition with marrying him was that he got sober. It completely changed the Dynamics of our relationship. It completely changed him (both good and bad). We ended it. This was 15 years ago and I heard through a mutual friend that he met someone else around the same time I met DH but started drinking again when their youngest was 3, and now his wife has told him to get sober or get a divorce. It's sad. I don't think he likes who he is without alcohol.

So based on my experience, I'd say therapy. Both couples and individual.

Totally true. My wife was an alcoholic. When she got sober after I gave her an ultimatum, she was a really horrible person. Worse than when she was drunk. Finally left her and she drank herself to death.

[Anonymous]

Rule out personality disorders. This site (recommended on DCUM) was an eye opener for me.

https://outofthefog.website/

[Anonymous]

He’s learning how to live life sober. He’s resentful of you because he’s frustrated with himself.

[Anonymous]

He was self medication with the alcohol and numbing all his feelings. He needs to be in therapy to learn how to process emotions sober, to see if there is something that needs treating, and to learn how to function without alcohol.

Stopping drinking doesn't take the problems away that the alcohol numbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those drugs can definitely turn someone into a major jerk.

Oh please, shut up.
The general consensus is that this has nothing to do with the Adderall and everything to do with how her husband is after he sobered up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About three years ago, two things happened. My husband stopped drinking and started adderall. Since then, he has withdrawn from our marriage and seems to actively dislike me. He seems suspicious of me, always thinks the worst of me, doesn’t want to spend time with me or have anything to do with me, gets mad very quickly and yells says disrespectful things to me. Any ideas on how I could turn things around?

sounds like he has internalized his shortcomings (adderall is supposed to address the ADD/Aspie) and blaming you. why you? because he can hide them from most people at work, or out, but not at home nor on the weekends or on a vacation.
he hates himself, however if he is at the blaming, deflecting, verbal abuse stage with loved ones, he also hates you. He is hyper defensive, not interested in changing, and you need to full disassociate and continue to live with him, or leave. You can protect the children better with full custody than by staying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those drugs can definitely turn someone into a major jerk.

Oh please, shut up.
The general consensus is that this has nothing to do with the Adderall and everything to do with how her husband is after he sobered up.

Speed can make people act like assholes. The “general consensus” above was like two posters who medicate their teens and are highly defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those drugs can definitely turn someone into a major jerk.

Oh please, shut up.
The general consensus is that this has nothing to do with the Adderall and everything to do with how her husband is after he sobered up.

Not to overlook that he is now an amphetamine addict. Replacing alcohol. BTDT. Adderall is no cure for anything.