How to punish/discipline difficult DD5

[Anonymous]

My DD is 5 years old and extremely challenging. She is destructive and purposefully breaks her own things as well as things around our house. She doesn’t care about any of her toys so I don’t know how to punish her for disrespecting stuff or for hitting her younger sister. I could take tv away but that’s my saving grace and I need those 30 min getting dinner ready and cleaning up from the day. I’m beyond frustrated and feel like a complete failure because not only can I not control my daughter but I don’t know how to discipline or handle her behavior.

[Anonymous]

It seems like she has a lot of energy and anger. Take her outside and tell her to run to the end of the block and back. Then have her do it a few more times. Teach her to jumprope.

[Anonymous]

Are you a SAHM? How old is her sister?

Is she in school? If so, how long in school?

How is her sleep? What does she eat?

[Anonymous]

You need to find her currency. There must be something she cares about, even if it's not toys. A favorite pair of shoes, a treat, an activity, and yes, TV/screen time. Taking TV away might cost you those 30 minutes for a while, but may be worth the sacrifice in the long run. Do you do time outs?

[Anonymous]

More punishment is not going to help this kind of kid.

I recommend two things. First, take Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class, which will give you specific tools for difficult kids. http://www.parentchildjourney.com/

Second, look into Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving technique, which helps you think about the whys behind her behavior and how you can support that to create real change. https://www.livesinthebalance.org/resources-cps and the really helpful accompanying facebook group, https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheBTeamLITB/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM? How old is her sister?

Is she in school? If so, how long in school?

How is her sleep? What does she eat?

I work part time. She’s in preschool half day 2x a week and later 3x a week. She gets tons of exercise but any second of downtime she’s destructive and aggressive towards her 3 year old sister- not regular roughing around- she will punch sister in the back for absolutely no reason. We did PCIT a couple years ago but to be honest we have slacked off a bit.

She’s a very very picky eater. She sleeps about 11 hrs a night but it seems like it’s never enough. She’s always tired. She’s in OT for hypotonia, dyspraxia and coordination disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 5 years old and extremely challenging. She is destructive and purposefully breaks her own things as well as things around our house. She doesn’t care about any of her toys so I don’t know how to punish her for disrespecting stuff or for hitting her younger sister. I could take tv away but that’s my saving grace and I need those 30 min getting dinner ready and cleaning up from the day. I’m beyond frustrated and feel like a complete failure because not only can I not control my daughter but I don’t know how to discipline or handle her behavior.

Stop making it about you, consistent routine and clear consequences that you follow through with. You keep the kids separated, send her to her room or time out and do it every single time. If she disrespects stuff, she loses it and isn't allowed to be in the room where stuff is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to find her currency. There must be something she cares about, even if it's not toys. A favorite pair of shoes, a treat, an activity, and yes, TV/screen time. Taking TV away might cost you those 30 minutes for a while, but may be worth the sacrifice in the long run. Do you do time outs?

Good ideas about taking away things other than toys. The tv is hard to take away because it then punishes my other daughter. Ie if dd5 does something bad and I say “no tv today.” The younger one will also get really upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM? How old is her sister?

Is she in school? If so, how long in school?

How is her sleep? What does she eat?

I work part time. She’s in preschool half day 2x a week and later 3x a week. She gets tons of exercise but any second of downtime she’s destructive and aggressive towards her 3 year old sister- not regular roughing around- she will punch sister in the back for absolutely no reason. We did PCIT a couple years ago but to be honest we have slacked off a bit.

She’s a very very picky eater. She sleeps about 11 hrs a night but it seems like it’s never enough. She’s always tired. She’s in OT for hypotonia, dyspraxia and coordination disorder.

Is she actually getting 11 hrs/night or is she have problems getting to sleep? If she's consistently getting 11 hrs and is always tired or is taking 2-3 hrs to get to sleep, I would consider talking to the ped about a sleep study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a SAHM? How old is her sister?

Is she in school? If so, how long in school?

How is her sleep? What does she eat?

I work part time. She’s in preschool half day 2x a week and later 3x a week. She gets tons of exercise but any second of downtime she’s destructive and aggressive towards her 3 year old sister- not regular roughing around- she will punch sister in the back for absolutely no reason. We did PCIT a couple years ago but to be honest we have slacked off a bit.

She’s a very very picky eater. She sleeps about 11 hrs a night but it seems like it’s never enough. She’s always tired. She’s in OT for hypotonia, dyspraxia and coordination disorder.

Is she actually getting 11 hrs/night or is she have problems getting to sleep? If she's consistently getting 11 hrs and is always tired or is taking 2-3 hrs to get to sleep, I would consider talking to the ped about a sleep study.

Yes she’s actually getting 11 hours. She goes down very easily around 7pm and is asleep usually within minutes of when we put her down at night. Then wakes up around 6:15am

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More punishment is not going to help this kind of kid.

I recommend two things. First, take Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class, which will give you specific tools for difficult kids. http://www.parentchildjourney.com/

Second, look into Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving technique, which helps you think about the whys behind her behavior and how you can support that to create real change. https://www.livesinthebalance.org/resources-cps and the really helpful accompanying facebook group, https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheBTeamLITB/

Agree with this.

One on one time with you can help. Maybe try involving her in dinner preparations.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Dan Shapiro’s sounds great thanks for the rec

[Anonymous]

Breaking stuff is unexceptional. She needs to be severely punished. I would remove everything from her bedroom and lock her in. Try and make it a safe / padded room and honestly if she tries breaking the door I would hog tie her .