Worried about logistics over Thanksgiving weekend

[Anonymous]

My whole family lives in the Chicago area so we always travel to them for Thanksgiving. My older sister has two older kids, ages 5 and 8, and my younger sister doesn't have any kids. Our family is pretty big in general so I have one aunt who hosts Thanksgiving, and another who always hosts the night after Thanksgiving (it's a big leftovers party), and then we usually go out on the Saturday night.

The problem is that I have a 14 month old who is not very "go with the flow" or "flexible" and everyone else either has much older kids who don't nap or go to sleep later, or none at all. Thanksgiving doesn't start until 5:30pm (although we typically don't eat until 6) and it's usually at least 2-3 hours. And same for the other two nights since it's always such a big group of people. And, my older sister has already planned some daytime activities. She of course wants her kids to be occupied and not bored. I know we don't have to do everything, but I do want to spend time with my family and just not sit at my parents' house by ourselves.

So, do I throw our schedule out the window completely for the 4 days and just deal with a cranky overtired baby? From recent experience, crappy naps during the day usually translate to a disaster by 5pm... and while I can deal I certainly don't want him to be whining and crying throughout dinner every night and annoying everyone else. And then it gets progressively worse each day seemingly. It's just so hard since we're in a different phase and everyone else has seemed to forget that.

[Anonymous]

I attempt to keep on schedule, so I would need to be back at the house for a nap time. Might be a 1/2 hour of flexibility for that, but if she falls asleep in the car on the way back home then all seems to fall apart. Bedtime is 7 pm and by 6:30 we she is starting to crash and it is time to get ready and wind down for bed.

I aim to visit as much as possible, but also to meet the basic needs for my toddler at this stage. Within a year or two things will be more flexible.

[Anonymous]

On Thanksgiving day you prioritize a nap and try to push through dinner.

The other days you should get your kid to bed on time - even if it means missing some events. Maybe your spouse can stay with your baby in the evening while you go out. Then you can bring him leftovers or get take out at a restaurant? This is what my spouse and I did. When we were with his family I would stay with the baby while he went out to dinner. When we visited my family, I went out and he stayed with the baby.

Remember, this is fairly short stage. Your kid will be over the nap stage before you know it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's time for you to have a quiet Thanksgiving. Stay home with your spouse and babies. Cook a turkey relax and be thankful.

[Anonymous]

Your 14 mo might surprise with being much better than you think. The baby will love being with her cousins, new toys. etc.
Surely your sister will get it seeing shes been through the toddler stage before.

Not going bc your toddler may fuss and be cranky is a weak excuse, not to you obviously, but to others. Surely, you and Dh can figure out how to handle 1 baby, no? Find a quiet place for a nap, going to a playground mid-day to tucker babyout so maybe she stays on nap schedule, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Take care of your baby. Do the nap in the afternoon. If your baby is finished with thanksgiving dinner after 20 min, then one you gets up and takes care of the baby. Be sure that you have access to a car with a carseat so that if one of you needs to take the baby back to your parents' house, they can. Most toddlers aren't going to make it through a 2 hour meal, but you may be able to have a blanket down in your aunt's living room and some toys so that the person who is with the baby can still be part of the conversation. Then the one eating eats fast so they can trade with the parent who is playing with the baby.

This is normal tag-teaming with a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I always threw the schedule to the wind. But we would take two cars in case I needed to leave with a kid or two or three. To me, it was worth it. On the other hand, if I wanted a real or a nap, there was no better excuse than a kid.

[Anonymous]

If it’s your family, I’d ask your husband to do a lot of the childcare and staying hike while baby naps so you can relax and spend time with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s your family, I’d ask your husband to do a lot of the childcare and staying hike while baby naps so you can relax and spend time with your family.

+100

[Anonymous]

Bring a pack and play to dinner. Put toddler down at normal bed time. Enjoy the meal. Put kid in car for drive to sleeping place. Put down again.

For naps, think about event logistics. Can you go for a little (kids museum that is 15 min away) and leave early? Can you organize around nap? Lunch is always 11 at the house so you can put kid down for nap and then they go on adventure but you eat lunch with them? Is the think 45 min away so toddler naps in transit to the place and you all enjoy time together? I totally get the missing out thing, but 14 month should be on 1 nap, so that makes things better. Much worse if you are on a 10 and 2 nap schedule. No way to do some events that way.

[Anonymous]

Also, feed your child before you leave for your aunt's house. You want to avoid a tired AND hungry child. You can do this. Just be flexible and if your child starts to have a meltdown, get out of there!

[Anonymous]

OP, all I can say to you is that I vow never to forget what it is like to have small children.

When I invite people, I always make a point to ask if there are any special considerations or needs, including timing. I know my elderly step-grandmother doesn't like to drive at night, so I factor that in. I know my cousins is bringing a young kid, so I ask her what works best for nap time. We figure it out.

I would never want my guests to feel left out or overlooked. I know it's not always possible to plan around everyone, but we do our best. People at least know we thought of them and tried to make something do-able for everyone.

[Anonymous]

DH and I had a pact. When we were with my family- he was in charge of the kids. When we were with his family, I was in charge of the kids. That meant that if someone had to stay back with a kid- it wasn’t the one whose family we were visiting. It did not mean the one was dumped on the entire time.

[Anonymous]

I would not expect your child to sit through long meals. You and DH trade off playing with her and eating. Participate in other activities as you are able. Always be in your own car so you can set the schedule. I totally get having a kid who needs routine,

[Anonymous]

I think missing out on stuff and/or dealing with a cranky kid is just the nature of being a parent to a toddler.