Thank you notes to friends?

[Anonymous]

If your teen/tween received a small gift from a friend (given at school on her birthday) would they write a thank you note? Or is that weird in this context? There was no party. Just wondering if kids write thank you notes to each other in middle or high school.

[Anonymous]

OP here; I ask because I did make DD write a note and bring it to her friend at school and my older son told me that it was “very uncool” and her friends would find it odd. Oops. My DD is sweet and naive and didn’t question it.

[Anonymous]

Go on with your well-mannerd self, OP! There should be more people like you!

[Anonymous]

I've taught my children that if someone took the time to get them a gift, they need to take the time to write thank you note.

[Anonymous]

Over the top and weird. If she thanked the friend in person that was good enough for this situation. Or she could have just messaged her a thanks. Kids aren’t impressed by a hand written note. If you wanted to insist on it the you should have had her send it in the mail.

[Anonymous]

I think the same would have been accomplished if you reminded her to send her friend a text later and thank her. That’s going above and beyond. Saying thanks in person to a friend is fine.

It would be uncool for boys to do this. If she’s a girl her friend would likely read the thank you note, think that’s nice. It’s not typical but they won’t think about it for more than one second.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for thank you notes, but your son was right in this instance.

The girls give each other little gifts back and forth all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the top and weird. If she thanked the friend in person that was good enough for this situation. Or she could have just messaged her a thanks. Kids aren’t impressed by a hand written note. If you wanted to insist on it the you should have had her send it in the mail.

Agree. There are many ways to show gratitude, and how you do it is personal and can change with age and life circumstance; it’s silly to fetishize hand-written notes as the only appropriate method.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My DD is new to having friends in general, and met these girls fairly recently so isn’t on text with these particular girls yet. Neither of us knew that girls give gifts to each other all the time. And now they have stopped talking to her abruptly so it’s probably my fault and I’m kicking myself. She’s a very affectionate kid and what she wrote was probably over-the-top for the situation. I should have known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DD is new to having friends in general, and met these girls fairly recently so isn’t on text with these particular girls yet. Neither of us knew that girls give gifts to each other all the time. And now they have stopped talking to her abruptly so it’s probably my fault and I’m kicking myself. She’s a very affectionate kid and what she wrote was probably over-the-top for the situation. I should have known better.

Yeah OP sorry you made things awkward for her, she came across as too much/babyish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DD is new to having friends in general, and met these girls fairly recently so isn’t on text with these particular girls yet. Neither of us knew that girls give gifts to each other all the time. And now they have stopped talking to her abruptly so it’s probably my fault and I’m kicking myself. She’s a very affectionate kid and what she wrote was probably over-the-top for the situation. I should have known better.

Don’t blame yourself. Your daughter should have read the situation and known better too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My DD is new to having friends in general, and met these girls fairly recently so isn’t on text with these particular girls yet. Neither of us knew that girls give gifts to each other all the time. And now they have stopped talking to her abruptly so it’s probably my fault and I’m kicking myself. She’s a very affectionate kid and what she wrote was probably over-the-top for the situation. I should have known better.

Don’t blame yourself. Your daughter should have read the situation and known better too.

She’s young for her age.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the note was just thanks for the gift, I loved it. My teen would think it was weird but I don't think it would make her stop being friends with someone. I don't think she has ever gotten a hand written note from a friend. She would get a text or in person hug but no handwritten notes. She might not know how to respond at first but like I said, I think she would be more likely to just ignore it and go on with life unless what was written made her uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming the note was just thanks for the gift, I loved it. My teen would think it was weird but I don't think it would make her stop being friends with someone. I don't think she has ever gotten a hand written note from a friend. She would get a text or in person hug but no handwritten notes. She might not know how to respond at first but like I said, I think she would be more likely to just ignore it and go on with life unless what was written made her uncomfortable.

That’s the thing - I think my DD was probably overly-affectionate in the note, talking about being happy to have such a kind friend, etc. And this girl was always exceptionally kind, more so than the typical middle schooler. She even asked to meet me after an activity my DD participated in with her. Walked up to me and shook my hand. So in this case I thought a thank you would be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming the note was just thanks for the gift, I loved it. My teen would think it was weird but I don't think it would make her stop being friends with someone. I don't think she has ever gotten a hand written note from a friend. She would get a text or in person hug but no handwritten notes. She might not know how to respond at first but like I said, I think she would be more likely to just ignore it and go on with life unless what was written made her uncomfortable.

That’s the thing - I think my DD was probably overly-affectionate in the note, talking about being happy to have such a kind friend, etc. And this girl was always exceptionally kind, more so than the typical middle schooler. She even asked to meet me after an activity my DD participated in with her. Walked up to me and shook my hand. So in this case I thought a thank you would be okay.

Sounds like the new friend is on the more mature side...