how does your kids' teacher manager his/her anger?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have a story about a teacher's anger management improving? I'm feeling pessimistic. My DC's teacher is impatient and cutting with the children (and socially awkward with adults). I have spoken with the teacher and then the principal and will meet with both of them together after winter break. I am trying my best to be positive and helpful, not pointing fingers at the teacher but at the same time naming my concerns about my DC's perceptions and subsequent academic struggles.

[Anonymous]

a few questions for clarification first:

- How old is your child?
- Aside from what your child has said, what other evidence do you have to support your claims?
- What resulted from your conference with both teacher and administrator?
- Does your child have any challenges that are obstacles to learning (academic, physical, or emotional, for example)?

[Anonymous]

I can't answer this question exactly as our issue was not anger, exactly. More of a snide, snippy tone often as a parting shot in the end of a conversation or at the end of an email. In our case, I emailed a lot so I had in hand proof of what was said by whom. I also gently called her on her comments in my email responses. We also had our child work with the school guidance counselor who was wonderful. That way I had another adult in the school who spent time regularly with my child and could offer another perspective on her .

[Anonymous]

- How old is your child?
4th grade

- Aside from what your child has said, what other evidence do you have to support your claims?
I don't want to get into specifics but I've been volunteering in this teacher's class for 4 years so I've seen it myself and have witnessed the kids gathering aftering school to hash out their feelings about it.

- What resulted from your conference with both teacher and administrator?
The principal acknowledged it to me when we met and said previous families have benefited from meeting with the teacher, that she improves when it's pointed out to her. But it never really goes away. I will meet with the teacher and the principal after the break. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help (volunteer in the class an additional day a week? starting a collection to pay for more hours from the teaching assistant?) I've been told that there are systems in place in the classroom for the children to use when they feel the teacher is too upset but my child isn't aware of them. I've asked for those in writing. Don't have them yet.

- Does your child have any challenges that are obstacles to learning (academic, physical, or emotional, for example)?
Nothing unusual though this teacher has suggested that there is something because she needs to be corrected. She's a B student so she makes mistakes and is becoming afraid to try because of the teacher's negative reactions. I acknowledged that and said I'm concerned that this teacher may not be the right fit for my children since she's not an A student. Up until now she has been very willing to take risks and even fail when trying new things but that is quickly fading.

[Anonymous]

I'd ask for my kid to be moved before I'd volunteer another day of the week. Sounds like the fit isn't a good one if your child is being made more anxious. Also sounds like a pretty toxic and unpleasant place to be. Are you in DC? If you are I'd contact Rhee, who could "encourage" the principal to start documenting the repeated problems and the need for strategies when the teacher is "too upset". What the 9 year olds are supposed to manage the teacher? Get rid of him/her if you can and move your kid in the meantime. There are still 6 months to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask for my kid to be moved before I'd volunteer another day of the week. Sounds like the fit isn't a good one if your child is being made more anxious. Also sounds like a pretty toxic and unpleasant place to be. Are you in DC? If you are I'd contact Rhee, who could "encourage" the principal to start documenting the repeated problems and the need for strategies when the teacher is "too upset". What the 9 year olds are supposed to manage the teacher? Get rid of him/her if you can and move your kid in the meantime. There are still 6 months to go.

Your DD is becoming afraid to try? I agree this sounds toxic and I feel very sorry for the other kids. If I were the mother of one of the kids in the class, I would appreciate hearing your concerns. I'd arrange to volunteer a day or two in the classroom to see for myself. I have a somewhat timid, but bright, child and I can imagine all too easily the effect of this teacher on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- How old is your child?
4th grade

- Aside from what your child has said, what other evidence do you have to support your claims?
I don't want to get into specifics but I've been volunteering in this teacher's class for 4 years so I've seen it myself and have witnessed the kids gathering aftering school to hash out their feelings about it.

- What resulted from your conference with both teacher and administrator?
The principal acknowledged it to me when we met and said previous families have benefited from meeting with the teacher, that she improves when it's pointed out to her. But it never really goes away. I will meet with the teacher and the principal after the break. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help (volunteer in the class an additional day a week? starting a collection to pay for more hours from the teaching assistant?) I've been told that there are systems in place in the classroom for the children to use when they feel the teacher is too upset but my child isn't aware of them. I've asked for those in writing. Don't have them yet.

- Does your child have any challenges that are obstacles to learning (academic, physical, or emotional, for example)?
Nothing unusual though this teacher has suggested that there is something because she needs to be corrected. She's a B student so she makes mistakes and is becoming afraid to try because of the teacher's negative reactions. I acknowledged that and said I'm concerned that this teacher may not be the right fit for my children since she's not an A student. Up until now she has been very willing to take risks and even fail when trying new things but that is quickly fading.

In MCPS we have the PAR (peer assistance and review process) where administrators (and resource teachers at the secondary level) document unprofessional behavior and/or incompetence. I believe Rhee is attempting to implement a similar process in DC. I don't know anything about VA schools, however.

If there is a system in place, I'd bring it to the attention of the principal. If enough parents are complaining and children are too fearful to embrace risk-taking (which is really what learning is all about, right?), the teacher's behavior should be documented.

Even IF a process isn't in place, every administrator should be doing periodic observations/evaluations of teachers.

In your case, it seems as though the principal is making excuses for this teacher. Do you feel as though that's the case? Volunteering even more or attempting to find compensation for more hours for the assistant will not help matters if this teacher is as crass as you describe. She must be observed by those who are evaluative. You aren't in that role, and neither is the teaching assistant. So . . . put the administrator on the spot and ask how SHE'S handled complaints in the past. If the teacher hasn't improved, the principal isn't doing her job.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the helpful replies. Unfortunately this is a small private school that doesn't have a system for handling this kind of issue. Your words will help me articulate my feelings at my next meeting at the school.

It also helps me to read your reactions to my description. My gut is telling me that this situation is unacceptable but I want it to work so badly that I keep rationalizing/minimizing it in my mind. Then my child blurts out something disturbing and all I can do is offer her empathy and support. My options feel so limited: live with it or leave the school. I've made 2 promises to myself (1) I will speak up for my child (2) I will remain open, willing to listen and positive. My biggest fear is that my child will suffer because I am speaking up, even politely. I think my words to the principal and to the teacher will be "My child perceives a negativity that is limiting her ability to function in the class. Help me understand why you think she feels this way and what needs to change." And then I will share why I think she feels this way. Unfortunately I do have examples of her inability to function because the teacher is angry. I don't want to bring up other kids' negative experiences past and present, though I know them, because I should only speak for my child.

I really don't believe there is anything to be done to improve the situation short of the teacher taking meds for depression or social anxiety. At the beginning of the school year I was hoping that the negativity would be less or be separate from my child's one-on-one time with the teacher. I didn't think it would make my DD freeze during a math lesson or other lessons and bring additional anger her way.

My hope was that someone had a great story of an angry teacher changing her ways mid-year. Not realistic, I know.
Thanks, again.

[Anonymous]

NP here - I have a stupid question. Is bad teacher behavior like this just a fact of life for upper grades? My DC is in K where the teachers are suppose to be nurturing. At what age are teachers excused from being nurturing? (I can't imagine what 4th grade is suppose to be like.)

[Anonymous]

I would be curious to know what private school if you are willing to share. We are grappling with the idea of sending our older child to private school, but we would need financial aid. I can't imagine spending that much money for a teacher with those kinds of issues.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to name the school. The school is quite small, with limited funds and staff members so a big problem like this has proven to be too much for the adminstration to fix. My advice is to quiz the parents of children in each grade before you decide on a school. No school is perfect but certain things must be done right.

[Anonymous]

OP here - angry teacher just got fired. Thank God.

[Anonymous]

Soooooo glad to hear that OP. Thanks for the update. I hope it wasn't a particular incident with a child. Those poor kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - angry teacher just got fired. Thank God.

Wow, that's great. What happened? (and ditto what PP said, I hope no child suffered).

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight, your child has had the SAME teacher for 4 years?? Unless you hit the lottery with a phenonemal teacher, this is NOT healthy!!! Even if the teacher is great, it's still not healthy. I am going to speculate this is a Waldorf School. If it is i URGE you to read threads on Waldorf in the Private/Independant School forum, even if the angry teacher was fired. My SIL sent her ds to a Cali Waldorf & my neighbors growing up went to a DC Waldorf. Both cases had eerily similiarities. Philosophy has an unusual combo of too much structure w/outside world & not enough structure in classroom. In both cases the schools were unwilling to listen to parents concerns. Bullying took places in classroom & with admins. In the "name of imagination" these children are not learning enough during vital years when brains have the greatest capicity to learn. I'm so grateful SIL pulled her kid after 2 years, now he is happy & thriving elsewhere. My neighbors went longer... let's just say the older sibling couldn't read in the sixth grade and their pediatrician intervened and they turned out ok.