Invite cheating ex and his married GF to child's party?

[Anonymous]

I've been divorced for many years due to ex's repeated cheating. Two kids, one tween having a birthday party soon.

Ex is currently single. He has always had a thing for the married ladies, and his latest crush seems to be on a woman who just got married recently.

The kids have expressed in therapy, while I was present, that his obvious flirtation with this woman makes them uncomfortable and confused, because, you know, kids seeing glaring ethical issues with extra-marital flirtations. They have seen texts that were a little gross/flirty but not too terribly graphic.

Ex wants to invite his married crush's kid to my kid's party. My kid kinda knows the child and doesn't mind them coming to her party. Usually at this party, the parents stay and hang out. So I feel like he is using our kid as cover for spending time with his married GF.

As an aside I am paying for the party all by myself, he is not hosting in any way. It is in a public venue. I have like a dozen slots for kids and not all the slots are full. I have met the woman once or twice over the years; she is a friend of mutual friends, but we aren't friends. I don't dislike her although I admit I do judge her.

Obviously I have issues with him and his disgusting behavior which destroyed our family so I cannot be dispassionate about this decision. Please tell me if I should invite the woman and her kid, and look the other way. I will be friendly and nice. And it will help preserve the peace with the ex. My kids will probably be mildly uncomfortable but they already pretty much give their dad the side-eye because they know he has issues and they are used to it.

If I say no, what excuse do I use since all the kid slots are not full?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. Why do you need an excuse? Your kid doesn’t want to invite the other kid. Simple as that. When your ex has a birthday party, he can make the invite list. He doesn’t get to tell your kid who to invite.

[Anonymous]

Of course not! Can you imagine years later in therapy when your daughter says and my mom let my dad invite his married crush’s kid to my party just so he could hang out with her!

[Anonymous]

Of course not. But in what world do kids this age have parents to stay and hang out?

[Anonymous]

If the kid wouldn’t otherwise have any reason to be on the guest list, then don’t invite them. It if they’re in the same scout troop or something like that and he’d be the only kid excluded, be the bigger person and don’t punish the kid for your ex’s gross behavior.

[Anonymous]

Also what is the kid going to think seeing his Mom all over your Ex? Both kids, bad awful experience

[Anonymous]

You say the invite list is full.

On the day of the party if he questions why there are only 10 kids there, you deflect “oh well, we got a couple no-shows”

This is not hard. Don’t invite drama into your life.

[Anonymous]

Good lord of course you don't invite them,!

[Anonymous]

Very strange to have parents stay and hang out if older kids.

No, don't invite. A birthday party is not the place to make your kid feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Your kids said it makes them uncomfortable. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Oh Hell no! Gross. You pay you get to decide. He doesn’t need to know you have slots open.

[Anonymous]

No, and I would tell him the truth. You know she is a crush, he is a serial cheater, it hurts the kids and you are not going to support the relationship or behavior at your child's party. Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh Hell no! Gross. You pay you get to decide. He doesn’t need to know you have slots open.

Send him a bill for 1/2 if he is inviting kids. You pay, you decide.

[Anonymous]

No, you should minimize how much of his bad example your poor kids have to watch.

Especially on THEIR special day.

Thank God you are rid of that guy.

[Anonymous]

You’re paying for it and your kid didn’t request this kid’s inclusion. No way would I pay to make myself and potentially my kids uncomfortable in this scenario.