Is this burnout?
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Anonymous
| My oldest started K in September (also have a 3yo in preschool) and since then I've been feeling like I just can't get things together anymore. My husband and I both work FT with average 40-50 minute commutes. Lately, I'm utterly overwhelmed by the everyday drudgery of cleaning, laundry, dishes, yard work, organizing clothes, shopping, planning/cooking dinner along with the seasonal birthday parties, school events, travel, etc. I don't have a particularly high stakes job but I do have the workload of 2+ people. My mind is cloudy and I feel like I can't think straight. I also wake up early stressing about money or some stupid thing I did 5 years ago. This morning I realized I haven't actually washed my hair in weeks. I know all this is petty compared to many people's problems so I feel bad complaining. My husband does his fair share, but there seems to be TOO much to handle these days. What is going on and what should I do? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like anxiety to me - the worries and beating yourself up about the past, feeling overwhelmed, trouble sleeping. |
Anonymous
| You need a break. Take a mental health day and devote it to doing something nice for yourself, even if it is lying in bed reading/binging or if it is accomplishing a bunch of errands that have been weighing you down. |
Anonymous
| Do you have anxiety? |
Anonymous
|
If you can:
Hire a house cleaner. We have Merry Maids come every other week so all we have to do is maintence work. I avoid meal planning by using one of the meals subscription services. I pick three meals for the week and have them sent. It gives me dinner and leftovers for lunch. Yes, it is more expensive then shopping on my own but when I try meal planning on my own we end up with mac and cheese, fish sticks, tacos and other similar foods. My son loves it but it is not a great rotation. I just switched to Blue Apron because they deliver on Monday. Home Chef and Hello Fresh deliver on Wednesdays. We tried Sun Basket but I thought it was expensive and bland but they do deliver on Monday. |
Anonymous
| Hire housecleaners. That will free up a lot of your time. I have housecleaners come every 2 weeks at $130/cleaning. |
Anonymous
|
I'm sorry OP. I second the others who suggest taking a mental health day (or 2) to get some rest.
As part of those days off, make a list of everything that you feel responsible for. Then put an asterisk next to something you can outsource. And then ask your husband to help get that set up. Just cleaning and yard work would take a huge load off. Personally, the food prep / meal planning is exhausting to me. My husband suggested a few months ago that I write out week by week meal plans and that helped me SO much. I basically planned out 6 weeks of meals, with 5 meals / week, and a list of things I make less frequently to "sub in". I plan for 1 "easy" night a week like fast food, frozen etc. |
Anonymous
| OP, something that might help is planning time to handle your various tasks. It's totally common to feel overwhelmed all the time when you're thinking about all you have to do all the time. So, for laundry, have that be something you do every other night at 8 pm, for example. That way you won't worry about it all day long. For stuff like school events, pick a time, maybe right after lunch before you start up at work again, or sometime on Saturday, and read all the school emails and order all the stuff your kid needs for the week (I had to order a white pillowcase yesterday because my K kid needed one, for what, I don't know, but it was easier to just order it from Amazon than to think about going back to Target for it since I had already been there before getting the email). I get so many emails from my kids' school that I can't read them all when they pop up, so I try to pick a time and go through and get organized for the week. Same with anything on your list - pick a time to either handle it or plan for it and then put it to the side. It's like the ultimate in compartmentalizing. For some reason, most women I know are better than men at multi-tasking, which can be a great skill. But the downside of it can be that you always feel like you're doing fifteen things at once. So try to focus on a single task and save the other things for later. I have a special text tone for our nanny and I have my work phone on in case it rings but otherwise I turn emails and other notifications off while I'm at work. That way if I get an email saying I need a pillowcase for Wednesday I don't stop work to read about that and then get distracted thinking about it. I hope that helps, I know it's hard! |
Anonymous
| Thanks for these responses! It certainly could be anxiety. We used to have house cleaners so should do that again. I really like the idea of scheduling tasks. There were a ton of school emails and class dojo notifications today and almost lost it! |
Anonymous
| Get a house cleaner, get your husband to do his laundry and maybe the kids, put him in charge of the yard work and don’t feel you have to be involved with every school event. You work full time! What is your day care set up? If in home can they take on additional responsibilities? Use Uber Eats a couple of nights a week. |
Anonymous
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Go to Hair Cuttery and get your hair done and then get a manicure
Looking nice will do wonders for you. |
Anonymous
| Twice a year I take a mental health day. I use half of the day for fun and half of the day to tackle things around the house. It really helps |
Anonymous
| That does sound pretty overwhelming. I agree a break would help all these issues get into perspective — when I start feeling like little things are so stressful it’s because I have zero bandwidth, and the zero bandwidth leads to poor management choices so it’s like a cycle. You are at the hardest stage right now bc your kids can’t help yet and need a lot. Throw some money at the problem. We get gardeners 3x a year and do zero yard work. Have cleaners every other week. See if you can find a local HS student on your neighborhood list to help with chores a couple times a night — loading dishes, folding laundry, etc. You deserve more of a break! |
Anonymous
Adding to my post I deal with digging clean clothes out of the hamper for a few days because I just want to read, or play a game, or watch a TV show and not fold laundry. The house is not perfect. It is in good shape after the cleaning people come and a few days before the cleaning people come but in between we build up small stacks of stuff. But we are ok with things being a bit cluttered and the occasional pile of plates in the sink. Try and figure out what you you can accept and let things be every once in a while. It is ok if things are not perfect. |
Anonymous
|
Same here, OP!! I just had a discussion with my DH about how I am feeling burned out, exhausted and on edge. For me, the weather and decreased sunlight seems to be a factor. Trying a light therapy lamp now and we’ll see if that helps.
I generally try to not sweat the small stuff and steal little moments throughout the day to recharge. -during your commute, listen to audio books or podcasts to make the commute more enjoyable and relaxing. -take one night a week off after kids are in bed. No work, no housework. Spend the time however is most enjoyable to you. No feeling of guilt, no stressing about what isn’t getting done around the house. -I took a long hot shower over the weekend and felt SO refreshed and relaxed after. I’d forgotten how nice it is to do that. -a long walk outside or exercising can also do wonders. Just moving your body is a great stress-release. -only check personal/school related emails at certain times of the day to avoid feeling inundated. -delegate delegate delegate. To your DH, to someone at work if you can, to an outside source. You don’t have to do it all. -I read at night before I go to bed. I love to read and wish I had more time. Sometimes I only get 1 page in before I fall asleep. Hang in there OP! |