PK-4 Friend moving away but my DC doesn't know

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old's best friend in the world is relocating out of the DMV area in two weeks. I overheard the mom talking with another parent (fairly publicly/openly) with whom she is good friends. The kids don't know. I'm friendly with the other mom but that's it. I feel like it's not my place to say anything to my kid but I'm heartbroken for them and would like to prepare them / ease the transition. Should I speak with the teachers? Do nothing? These two truly are very close and love each other very much. I guarantee my DC will be very sad without this friend. (DC looks for the friend as soon as we arrive to school every morning and always talks about the friend after school and on the weekends, rarely mentioning other kids. The friend also runs to my DC in the morning and they spend 5 minutes each day saying bye to each other.)

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t it be your place to talk to your while about it? Maybe reach out to the other mom and let her know you heard she was moving (seems odd that she wouldn’t tell you). And let her know that you’d like to break the news to your DD.

[Anonymous]

I would wait. Two weeks is too long for your 4 year old to have this info. If you can, plan a nice play date for them. Mom might value the time to pack while you have the girls for an entire day. Take lots of pictures. Your daughter will be sad for a while and want to know about visits or FaceTiming, but next year she’ll have a new BFF.

This happened with both my DDs. With the older one, I actually made a very expensive Spring Break trip to visit the BFF in her new city. Turns out that the girls no longer gelled after four months apart. And the BFF has made a new BFF in her new school and the mom let that girl tag along. By day 3, my DD felt like the third wheel. I told the mom that we tried and she agreed it wasn’t working. We spent the last two days apart from them and had a much more enjoyable time, but it was a valuable lesson for a newly 5 year old. Some friends are just for a season.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs. I don't think it's my place because the kid hasn't told my kid and I'm not sure if mom shared with her own children.

5:27, thank you for sharing your story! A friend of mine who is an EC teacher assures me another new best friend will surely soon be in my DC's life--I hope so... it's still going to be sad for both of them.

[Anonymous]

I would reach out to the other mom about some Skype/Facetime contact in the beginning..but I agree the relationship will just fade soon.

[Anonymous]

If she’s speaking openly about it her kids know. Although I’m kind of surprised your 4 yo has a “best friend” whose parents you hardly know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s speaking openly about it her kids know. Although I’m kind of surprised your 4 yo has a “best friend” whose parents you hardly know.

Yeah, the family's had a lot going on. They have other kids and we've hung out at both kids' birthday parties and school events but I've had the sense they were not too keen on adding more get togethers outside of school. Now that I know they're leaving, it kind of makes sense she wouldn't want to further deepen a friendship that would have to end soon. (She was speaking to someone she knows very well and I was standing nearby. Not sure if the kids know since her kid hasn't said anything to my kid and they're pretty much attached at the hip, per the teacher.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s speaking openly about it her kids know. Although I’m kind of surprised your 4 yo has a “best friend” whose parents you hardly know.

They're 4, PP.

[Anonymous]

Tell your kid the day or two before. Guarantee your kid will not care after a few days.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is 4. He will get over it quickly.

My 8yo’s best friend moved to another country last year. DS was devastated. The friend moved over winter break. We had a few last play dates together. I was also friends with mom and was invited to moms farewell lunch.

DS became good friends with another boy in his class within a week. The new good friend happened to be an only child and parents were very open and eager to have play dates. My son started sports and eventually got over the friend moving.

I would try to set up play dates with others. Sounds like you never had an outside of school relationship with this friend anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is 4. He will get over it quickly.

My 8yo’s best friend moved to another country last year. DS was devastated. The friend moved over winter break. We had a few last play dates together. I was also friends with mom and was invited to moms farewell lunch.

DS became good friends with another boy in his class within a week. The new good friend happened to be an only child and parents were very open and eager to have play dates. My son started sports and eventually got over the friend moving.

I would try to set up play dates with others. Sounds like you never had an outside of school relationship with this friend anyways.

Thank you, very helpful! Glad your DS got over it relatively painlessly.

[Anonymous]

This happened to us at 3.5 and we waited until the family confirmed they had spoken with their child before we talked to ours. We were close with the parents though so I felt ok just asking when it was clear for us to speak with our child.

[Anonymous]

The teachers ended up speaking with us. They will help out and have a send off etc. They confirmed what several PPs said, that DC will get over it before too long. I'm really hoping it won't cause too much sadness.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the friend already hasn't blabbed this info to your child? Most kids can't keep that kind of news in. You might want to gently ask your child if they have heard that the friend is moving soon, and segue that into *you are going to meet so many new friends in your life!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the friend already hasn't blabbed this info to your child? Most kids can't keep that kind of news in. You might want to gently ask your child if they have heard that the friend is moving soon, and segue that into *you are going to meet so many new friends in your life!!

I'm 100% sure my DC doesn't know, based on the behavior and how my kid talks about the friend. It'll be out in the opet at school soon enough, probably Monday. Thankfully we have a Thanksgiving trip planned so I hope that will soften the blow.