Can't decide to have one more child or not....

[Anonymous]

DH is 31 and I'm 32 and we have a 6 yrs old son (who will be 7 this summer). We got married right after college and got pregnant 3 years after that. My pregnancy was fantastic...no morning sickness at all, totally perfect 9 months with a 2-hour easy labor! I went back to work full-time when he was 3 months. My son was also a perfect baby... he slept through the night ever since he was born. No sickness, no picky eating. Everything has been great with our first son. On the other hand, I found out that I've had thyroid issue, which got worse by given a birth. I've been on medication now, and everything is normal with my body. Now, we have been thinking about having another child....But I'm worried...I'm 8 years old than when I was pregnant with my first child. He is now a rising 2nd grader and we have been "daycare free" for about two years now, which has been great money saving! I'm worried that my thyroid might get worse again with the second pregnancy. I'm worried that the second pregnancy will be totally worse than the first one....And this new baby will be 7-8 years younger than my son, which I think that might not bring closeness between the two. My DH and I have been talking how great it would be when our son goes to college at 18, we'll be still in early 40s and can start doing things (travel, social activities) that we couldn't do in our 20s because we were busy raising our son. I know I have too many "what if" questions. But I want to ask anyone who has more than two kids who have 7-8 years age difference between...Any opinions, thoughts?

[Anonymous]

seems like you have already answered your question--you have to do what feels right and if that is one child..so be that. On the subject of pregnancy--you never know what kind of pregnancy you will have-my first was awful and now my second is a dream. You may be one of those people though who just has wonderful pregnancies but you can't plan life around how you think you will feel on a pregnancy. Regarding thyroid-I don't think that will affect how a pregnancy goes but may affect getting pregnant--my gut tells me that you are using this as an excuse which isn't fair to yourself because if you don't want another pregnancy ..at least for now..you shouldn't make yourself. Now on the issue of age--I have a brother 12 years younger and we couldn't be closer--I just don't buy into the "family dynamics" on age stuff--it's all how you are raised. My mom insisted we were raised together and now all three of us are soooooooooo close..have another brother a year older.

Good luck to you and don't stress..you have time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. You are so right! I AM using thyroid as an excuse. I know I can't plan everything....I'm also feeling pressure, all my friends (same age) are now getting pregnant with 2nd. They've had their first baby 3-4 years ago, and they are now getting pregnant with their second. So, now I'm thinking. I wish we've done it 3 years ago, when our son was 3 or 4.

[Anonymous]

Ahhhh do not feel pushed by friends!!! You are with them a smidgen of your life..and while they are important..they are not everything. You didn't have a child a few years back because you weren't ready--trust me, if you wanted another child then, you would have had one plus hindsite is always twenty twenty. I remember feeling pushed to get married when all my friends were and I resisted because I knew I was not with the right person..I waited and think I married the man of my dreams. Yes it would be nice if my kids were closer in age to my childhood friends kids but, you know what, now I have a whole extra set of new friends to share things with and it's all good. Since you are only 31--I would not push myself to have another child if I wasn't ready--you do have time and don't worry about the age difference in kids--you are going to hear all kinds of things but trust me, I know as many people with kids with large age differences and they are fine. Now if you are hesitating because you are nervous-that is a different story because everything does work out--in that case--I would plan a night with a good bottle of wine and just have some fun

[Anonymous]

Hi, re sibling closeness, I'm 7 years older than my sister, and we've always been really close.

[Anonymous]

Age difference doesn't matter....I have a sister who is only a year older than me and unfortunately, we aren't close...we event went to different schools (sister-private, me-public) throughout our young age. she married a man who is 20 years older than her, and I am married to a man who is 5 years younger

[Anonymous]

I think you just really have to listen to your gut. I knew when we were Done. There was a peace about it and I didn't wonder if we'd be doing it again. It was over and I was fine with it...whereas with previous babies, I was already planning for the next one!

[Anonymous]

19.58 poster, do you have one child or more???

[Anonymous]

19:48 poster here: Sorry for being unclear. I have three kids. After having our second, I grappled with whether or not we were Done. After having our third, I knew that was it. I was at peace and just know having three kids is right for us.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it matters what the age difference your children are. Do you want another child or not, that is what matters. It sounds like you and your husband are happy with one. So what, nothing wrong with it. I have two that are 4 yrs apart, they are very close, I was 11 months younger than my sister, can't stand her to this day. If you really want a baby, you will know it, nothing else will matter., you will long and look forward to the new life. Either way is right.

[Anonymous]

to the OP. I have six siblings...we are all 2 years apart. My very very best friend and confidant in the world (aside from hubby) is my youngest sister, 8 years younger than me.

Sibling ages and closeness can vary tremendously so dont think they cant be buddies - there will be stages but they can form a bond, do what is right for you and your family. Whatever you decide is great ! Even if you dont have more kids, your child is loved, that is all that counts in the end.

Good luck !