Help so stressed

[Anonymous]

I feel like our family is falling apart! Our kids aren’t listening, they don’t help with chores, etc. my husband and I are happily married and work hard but the way the kids are acting is so stressful. We are strong in our faith and have good family and friendships. They get a lot of support and yet they act bratty, spoiled, etc. we seriously do not drive fancy cars or take fancy vacations. We also DO NOT spoil them at all. I am a bit of a disorganized Mom and I have raised my voice at times, but other than that I feel we are good parents. How can I help the chaos?? How can my husband and I help improve home life? Help!!

[Anonymous]

Try volunteering as a family. Make sure you’re spending quality time together without technology. Model having an attitude of gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Make the chores mandatory. If they don’t make their beds, clean their rooms, etc... then they don’t get screen time, video games, phones, favorite toys, special activities,etc... Start a chart or list so the expectations are clear. You have to take control back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make the chores mandatory. If they don’t make their beds, clean their rooms, etc... then they don’t get screen time, video games, phones, favorite toys, special activities,etc... Start a chart or list so the expectations are clear. You have to take control back.

OP - can you send me a link to a sample template of list/expectations etc? One child is a tween so something that works for everyone??

[Anonymous]

You have to start from the get-go! I would have a family meeting to discuss this and I would let them speak but I would also let them know that there are now some hard and fast rules for being a part of this family. It will be hard for awhile but keep at them plus once a month thrown in some "treats" for doing a good job--a movie, maybe even eat some extra money for doing extra chores. But be prepared to be heartless in the beginning. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

No screen time. More chores. More family time (still without screens) - kids rotate who picks what to do.

[Anonymous]

My strategy towards this sort of thing is more about habit building than anything. Pick one or two things to work on, and be incredibly consistent, and have a very specific "carrot" at the end of it.

Example: Dishes are cleared from the table, scraped in the trash, and loaded in the dishwasher right after dinner. No playing until that's done.

At some point your kids just will do it out of habit and it won't require nagging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make the chores mandatory. If they don’t make their beds, clean their rooms, etc... then they don’t get screen time, video games, phones, favorite toys, special activities,etc... Start a chart or list so the expectations are clear. You have to take control back.

OP - can you send me a link to a sample template of list/expectations etc? One child is a tween so something that works for everyone??

I'm not PP, but my 11 and 13 year old have chores including setting/clearing dinner table, emptying dishwasher, taking dirty clothes to laundry room and sorting for me, folding all their clean laundry and putting it away, clean bedroom every Sunday, every night before dinner they have to make a sweep of the main living room and put their stuff away, trash taken out, trash bins to the street and back. I have a checklist for them--the only way my son can get it done. During summer vacation they have more to do. They get $10 a week spending money if they get it done. The money is worth it to me to not badger or remind them anymore. Maybe there is a way without cash, but I never found it.

[Anonymous]

They need more time with you 1-1, consistency in parenting and strong expectations. No electronics till homework, chores and everything else is done.