Has anyone “redshirted” a January kid?

[Anonymous]

So before everyone destroys me, there are some SN’s in play here. DC is 4 and will start K in 2020. DH really wants to hold him back. He says it won’t make a difference this year and it’s our choice, whereas if all his classmates move forward and he repeats k, it will be harder on him. We’d probably take him out if his current pre-K and find a junior k somewhere for him. Then we could assess whether he should go to k or first. He has a small stature so he would not “look” out of place, but with a January birthday, he’ll turn older than his classmates a full 9 months ahead of the September kids. We are military and DH says DC can always just say that he’s a year older bc we moved and he started school later or something. FWIW, I think holding him back would benefit him more than sending him to k next year and arguing with the county to support him in a K environment that he’s not going to be ready for.

[Anonymous]

If there are SNs, you need to be working with your pediatrician and therapists, not DCUM.

My anecdote: My kid went to school to school with an unusually small for age Feb birthday boy who was held back, related to SNs. Years later he is in HS and doing really well: well-liked, good student, seems to be happy. I think his parents made the decision to redshirt with his pediatrician, and it seems to have worked out.

Kids usually aren't mean and nasty like their parents on DCUM, so I would ignore the mean responses you are going to get here.

[Anonymous]

I would not as that's a huge hold back. You are military. You have tricare. Go to the on base developmental ped and they will help you get what you need - OT, PT, ST and/or ABA. Get your child help vs.holdback. He will be more than 9 months as the cut off is 9/1 in less you test in so kids will be significantly younger. Our experience is that our child acted much younger with younger kids and did better being the youngest vs. the oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there are SNs, you need to be working with your pediatrician and therapists, not DCUM.

+1 also your preschool director should help you here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not as that's a huge hold back. You are military. You have tricare. Go to the on base developmental ped and they will help you get what you need - OT, PT, ST and/or ABA. Get your child help vs.holdback. He will be more than 9 months as the cut off is 9/1 in less you test in so kids will be significantly younger. Our experience is that our child acted much younger with younger kids and did better being the youngest vs. the oldest.

Did you post this just to prove your knowledge of Tricare insurances? We have obviously been getting him help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not as that's a huge hold back. You are military. You have tricare. Go to the on base developmental ped and they will help you get what you need - OT, PT, ST and/or ABA. Get your child help vs.holdback. He will be more than 9 months as the cut off is 9/1 in less you test in so kids will be significantly younger. Our experience is that our child acted much younger with younger kids and did better being the youngest vs. the oldest.

Did you post this just to prove your knowledge of Tricare insurances? We have obviously been getting him help.

I posted it because holding back makes no sense and doesn't always fix things. Yes, I have knowledge of Tricare. They were very generous when we needed it once we figured out how to get it.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the special needs. What does he have? And can I ask how smart he is? I know it’s hard to tell at 4. There’s a boy in our neighborhood who was redshirted for maturity and is also very smart. The parents were constantly pushing for better differentiation for their son, but I assume he could have done fine in the grade above. In late elementary now we see zero behavior issues in this boy, so he either grew out of it or it’s something we don’t know about, which I completely admit is possible. I do know that he’s been miserable in school for years and parents have been mad that the school hasn’t met his needs, but I don’t understand why they didn’t just skip him ahead to his proper grade in school if he was miserable.

[Anonymous]

I held back my March b-day SN kid. It has been one of the best things I have done for him. His issues are mostly related to language and having the extra year to work on those skills before digging in to academics really helped him. His (private) SLP and OT were in favor of holding him back, as was a psychologist we occasionally consulted with. He spent an extra year in a lovely play-based preschool that was, frankly, more developmentally appropriate for K aged kids than any local K classroom.

He is the oldest and the tallest kid now in 5th grade (he will turn 12 in March). Most kids don't notice or don't care. The only child who has ever mentioned being "held back" is the second oldest child who was also held back and apparently has some issues with it. I suspect it must be the way his family talks about it.

I will caution you that if you go the public school K route to "see how it goes", you may find it is virtually impossible to have him repeat, even if it's a disaster. Most places it's usually up to the principal, and they don't like to do it (money reasons I think).

[Anonymous]

I have kids currently in elementary, middle and high school, and I know several families who redshirted boys for reasons ranging from behavior/maturity issues to “giving an edge” academically or athletically. While the peers realize the kid might be a year (or nearly two) older, they don’t seem to care. And, the kids seem fine.

Given you have legitimate concerns, I think you should redshirt. Try to find a pre-K with whatever environment and resources you think your kid needs to feel both challenged and supported.

[Anonymous]

In what ways do you feel he won’t be ready for K? It’s so early in the preK year- are some of these areas things that most preK kids deal with? Or have teachers expressed concern that he will not, despite the the support you mentioned he’s getting outside of school. Not much detail given in your post so hard to offer much perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what ways do you feel he won’t be ready for K? It’s so early in the preK year- are some of these areas things that most preK kids deal with? Or have teachers expressed concern that he will not, despite the the support you mentioned he’s getting outside of school. Not much detail given in your post so hard to offer much perspective.

Language. No behaviors. He’s smart in some ways but he’s definitely not the precocious behavior-challenged profile. He’s pretty mature but prefers to play with the young kids bc their language is not as advanced.

[Anonymous]

I would not.

Why? That is going to be a huge age discrepancy. For every parent who sends their fall birthday kid on time, your son will be 21 months older than than them!

The kids do eventually wise up to these things and they consider the "old" kids to be the dumb ones. I've heard them talking about it amongst themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I held back my March b-day SN kid. It has been one of the best things I have done for him. His issues are mostly related to language and having the extra year to work on those skills before digging in to academics really helped him. His (private) SLP and OT were in favor of holding him back, as was a psychologist we occasionally consulted with. He spent an extra year in a lovely play-based preschool that was, frankly, more developmentally appropriate for K aged kids than any local K classroom.

He is the oldest and the tallest kid now in 5th grade (he will turn 12 in March). Most kids don't notice or don't care. The only child who has ever mentioned being "held back" is the second oldest child who was also held back and apparently has some issues with it. I suspect it must be the way his family talks about it.

I will caution you that if you go the public school K route to "see how it goes", you may find it is virtually impossible to have him repeat, even if it's a disaster. Most places it's usually up to the principal, and they don't like to do it (money reasons I think).

Every parent should make the best choice they can. But of course the kids notice. They are very focused on birthdays and how old everyone is. I’ve told my kids that it’s rude to ask about being held back. My son is born the day after the cutoff so he is on time but we have a friend who is in the year ahead but only 2 days older. For the longest time my son thought he was supposed to be in the grade ahead (I didn’t know that he thought this until he mentioned in 3rd grade that he was supposed to be in 4th).

[Anonymous]

You know your child best. Hold him back if you think it is best. My you ger brother started on time but was pulled from Kindergarten because he wasn’t ready. He was held back in 2nd because he wasn’t reading. He was two years older then many of his peers and no one cared. He had lots of friends, did fine academically, and graduated from college.

You know your kid. Talk with your medical team and make the decision that is best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So before everyone destroys me, there are some SN’s in play here. DC is 4 and will start K in 2020. DH really wants to hold him back. He says it won’t make a difference this year and it’s our choice, whereas if all his classmates move forward and he repeats k, it will be harder on him. We’d probably take him out if his current pre-K and find a junior k somewhere for him. Then we could assess whether he should go to k or first. He has a small stature so he would not “look” out of place, but with a January birthday, he’ll turn older than his classmates a full 9 months ahead of the September kids. We are military and DH says DC can always just say that he’s a year older bc we moved and he started school later or something. FWIW, I think holding him back would benefit him more than sending him to k next year and arguing with the county to support him in a K environment that he’s not going to be ready for.

Yeah, it's always a good thing to teach your child to lie.