If you don't like your parent's spouse, keep it to yourself!

[Anonymous]

Read a recent post about parents needing to keep their opinions of adult children's spouses to themselves and not interfere.

How many think that goes for adult children adopting the same attitude towards their parent's new spouse/significant other?

It seems like a good number of adult children have no problem expressing their displeasure by excluding and distancing themselves from a parent's spouse if they don't like them. But when the kids get married, they want the parent to open up their arms and welcome the new husband/wife. Shouldn't this cut both ways?

Why is there this double standard? I know couples whose adult kids are very cold towards the non-parent spouse, even after spending decades together yet when those same kids get married they are overjoyed when their parents hit it off with their new spouse, or deeply upset when they don't.

Is it simply a case of not being able to beat the "wicked stepparent" myth? Is it territorialism? Why is it so hard for some adult kids to accept a parent's spouse/partner, yet they want their own partner/spouse to be welcomed into the fold and treated like family?

[Anonymous]

Parents are supposed to do things in the best interests of their children. That is the deal. So, there is no reciprocal arrangement.

[Anonymous]

So it's OK to shun a parent's spouse but your parent is supposed to welcome yours? We're talking about adults here, not minor children. When does "best interest of the children" stop - the grave?

[Anonymous]

My mom's partner is cold and has little to do with us. His family is the priority and my mom puts his family first to make him happy. She will babysit his grandkids for a week at a time but at best she will see mine a few times a year for an hour or two. She will fly out to their events but cannot attend ours locally. She made her choice and it isn't us. So, no, when he took her away as my mom and my kids grandma, not impressed at all and prefer himont participating the few times we are forced to see him (i.e. thanksgiving when he stays vs. visits his family - my mom invites him even though I make it clear I don't have any interest in him coming).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's OK to shun a parent's spouse but your parent is supposed to welcome yours? We're talking about adults here, not minor children. When does "best interest of the children" stop - the grave?

Mine isn't particularly nice to mine. It depends how the person treats you.

[Anonymous]

One of our kids married someone who treats us like crap. We have to eat of mike if $#1t to maintain a relationship with our child. I raised independent kind people and we have to deal with this jerk in our later years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom's partner is cold and has little to do with us. His family is the priority and my mom puts his family first to make him happy. She will babysit his grandkids for a week at a time but at best she will see mine a few times a year for an hour or two. She will fly out to their events but cannot attend ours locally. She made her choice and it isn't us. So, no, when he took her away as my mom and my kids grandma, not impressed at all and prefer himont participating the few times we are forced to see him (i.e. thanksgiving when he stays vs. visits his family - my mom invites him even though I make it clear I don't have any interest in him coming).

Seems like you may have presented your mother with a "me or him" situation. You've said she made a choice and it isn't you. Why? Because she got married? Then you said "he" took her away from you. I doubt that - your mother is an adult and can make decisions. Maybe she's decided that her life-partner was not welcome by you, so she cuts her losses. Could that be why he appears "cold" - maybe he sees your attitude towards him? Your mother might spend time with his family because they are welcoming and accepting of her. Something that her husband isn't getting from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it's OK to shun a parent's spouse but your parent is supposed to welcome yours? We're talking about adults here, not minor children. When does "best interest of the children" stop - the grave?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents made their new spouse a priority over their children. Consider that many people are in similar situations.

[Anonymous]

I willingly make many sacrifices for my minor children. However, once they are launched, I am living my life for myself and if I find someone that makes me happy my adult children will just have to deal with it. Just as I will zip my lip if I don't care for their spouse, they will need to do the same in regards to my choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's OK to shun a parent's spouse but your parent is supposed to welcome yours? We're talking about adults here, not minor children. When does "best interest of the children" stop - the grave?

Yes.

Classic response by a person with a case of arrested development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So it's OK to shun a parent's spouse but your parent is supposed to welcome yours? We're talking about adults here, not minor children. When does "best interest of the children" stop - the grave?

Yes.

Classic response by a person with a case of arrested development.

NP - Agree with the "Yes" poster. This is the covenant you make when you become a parent. Selfless love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom's partner is cold and has little to do with us. His family is the priority and my mom puts his family first to make him happy. She will babysit his grandkids for a week at a time but at best she will see mine a few times a year for an hour or two. She will fly out to their events but cannot attend ours locally. She made her choice and it isn't us. So, no, when he took her away as my mom and my kids grandma, not impressed at all and prefer himont participating the few times we are forced to see him (i.e. thanksgiving when he stays vs. visits his family - my mom invites him even though I make it clear I don't have any interest in him coming).

Seems like you may have presented your mother with a "me or him" situation. You've said she made a choice and it isn't you. Why? Because she got married? Then you said "he" took her away from you. I doubt that - your mother is an adult and can make decisions. Maybe she's decided that her life-partner was not welcome by you, so she cuts her losses. Could that be why he appears "cold" - maybe he sees your attitude towards him? Your mother might spend time with his family because they are welcoming and accepting of her. Something that her husband isn't getting from you.

NP. Why do you think you know a stranger's family situation better than them?

[Anonymous]

lots of young gold diggers go after wealthy single old people. only need to wait around for a few years, and jackpot!

[Anonymous]

Older people tend to be the no-filter, creepbag types. Everyone knows Gross Uncle Robert in his 60s who says crap like "Babydoll, if I wasn't yer uncle..."

Nobody wants that guy in their family.