LGBT bullying at school
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Anonymous
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How do I help my child who is bullied at school for being gay?
The school won’t do much and suggests my son avoid these bullies (he does) and that he switch classes. This cannot be legal. Should we file police reports against 13 year old bullies? I don’t want to over react but nothing is being done. |
Anonymous
| In addition to seeking recourse within school system please get your child a therapist. |
Anonymous
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Filing police reports is an option but might require testimony from your son and/or make the bullying worse. It also light help - tough to know.
What does your son want to do? |
Anonymous
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OP Here.
My son wants it to go away. He's humiliated. He's about 70 lbs and his bullies are around 165 lbs (same age). He's a sweet kid and he even tells me after someone hasn't bullied him for a few months that maybe they have changed (many times they come back and bully him again of course). He is really just the kind of kid who would do anything for others and sometimes that includes very kind things for kids who have never been kind to him. He is not out so that has prevented us from reaching out to the LGBT community at school. He expresses interest in girls sometimes and rather than stress him out with labels, we said just like who you like and love who you love. If labels stress you out right now, don't use one. We just want him to be safe right now and to be honest - he really is NOT safe with people thinking he is gay. It scares me to death to think how dangerous coming out will be. I try to keep this to myself. He has been in therapy for years and I cannot get him to say anything to the therapist about this but I think he's getting there soon. He has a teacher who is wonderful and I think he's about to confide in him a bit which is a start. I do not want to push him and he knows home is always a safe space. He tells me about boys (and girls) he likes and his dad and I try to make that as light and stress free as possible. I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do to enforce laws or even MCPS rules to keep my child safe. MCPS can't keep things from saying mean things but he is in fear for his physical safety and I'm furious the school doesn't take it seriously. They find a way to blame him by emphasizing all the wrong things. My favorite was when he confided in a friend that he was being bullied and that friend confronted the bully who then threatened to kill my son. The school said my son angered the bully and should have known better than to tell people what happened so they dropped the entire incident where the other kid hit and even humped my son. I'm in a tough spot trying to protect him from homophobic attacks and not outing him. |
Anonymous
| What is happening? |
Anonymous
| This happened to DC and we ended up homeschooling until we could find a better school environment. We were worried for DC’s safety and the school response was similar. I’m sorry you are going through this. |
Anonymous
| That’s an awful response from the school. Can you go up the chain with a complaint? That just seems unacceptable. What grade is he in? |
Anonymous
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Punch the bully right in the mouth and keep on swinging. The MF’er will be so stunned, he won’t know what to do and should teach him a lesson.
I was bullied for being a fat kid. I waited for the right moment, hit the bully with my Geography book, knocked him out of his chair, and started kicking him in his stomach. Sure, I got suspended, but the bullying stopped. I’m not an advocate of violence, but I do believe in standing up for yourself. |
Anonymous
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I am so sorry OP, I have no advice but I wish for you to find some solution
and that your child will be safe and happy. |
Anonymous
While I don’t disagree with this response, you likely had a physical advantage being the “fat kid”, that op’s 70 lb middle schooler doesn’t have. Though perhaps it’s a good point - maybe consider some martial arts classes, so he can learn ways to physically defend himself and feel more confident in his ability to stand up against the bully. |
Anonymous
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Find the GSA sponsor at your school and have him or her help your son through the process. As a teacher, I have helped many kids by filing my own report.
As a parent of an out middle school lesbian, consider a COSA or moving to a more tolerant area. My DD hasn’t faced any bullying probably because of where she goes. Some schools are dealing with the majority of their students coming from intolerant families. Not just homophobic, but racist and anti-Muslim. Filing bullying reports there is playing whack a mole. Get one bully suspended and another is ready to take his place. |
Anonymous
| I would apply for a Cosa to a new school. If that didn’t happen I would consider private or homeschool. It shouldn’t have to happen that way, but so many bullied kids attempt suicide that I would not keep sending my kid into that environment on a daily basis. |
Anonymous
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Did you fill out the form? https://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/forms/pdf/230-35.pdf
I would also contact the Board of Education if the school isn't doing anything about it. |
Anonymous
+1 on the form. Our school did nothing until we filled out the form, then they responded quickly. They have two days to investigate, the investigation has to be documented and they have to provide a plan for mitigation and follow up. Because this is a lot of work for them, they may discourage you from filling out the form. Don't let them, it's a violation of MCPS rules. |
Anonymous
+2 You can document what you've tried already, but filing an official form is going to prompt a response. I would also email Mark Eckstein, who is the LGBTQ coordinator for the MCPTA. That email is LGBTQ AT mccpta DOT org He might have some thoughts about what other parents have done, or might be able to put you in touch with the correct folks at MCPS. |