Explain this to me about Dementia and Absuive behavior

[Anonymous]

So many times you hear a person with dementia is abusive toward just a close caregiver-often family, yet can be sweet as pie to others who are not as involved. I assume this is in the early to mid stage. At the same time many people will argue you cannot blame the person with dementia and doing things like walking away or berating them do nothing because they have no control. If they truly have no control how come it's a common story to be incredibly nasty to the "safe" person yet somehow control the awful behavior with others?

[Anonymous]

Abusive not absuive

[Anonymous]

I think in the earlier stages they have some control over it. I could be on the phone with my mom prior to a visit and warn my new husband that she is not having a good day. Go for the visit and she is fine and had things in check with him there. After leaving we realised we forgot something, he ran in to get it. Her screaming could be heard from the drive way. Within a year she was swinging at him an cussing him out like he was family.

She could sweet talk those evaluating her for a few years, but then the ability to do that fades. Next you know she verbally and physically abusive to care givers and hospital staff. Yet compliant with a select few.

[Anonymous]

It changes. They don't have control over it. Dementia is a horrific disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in the earlier stages they have some control over it. I could be on the phone with my mom prior to a visit and warn my new husband that she is not having a good day. Go for the visit and she is fine and had things in check with him there. After leaving we realised we forgot something, he ran in to get it. Her screaming could be heard from the drive way. Within a year she was swinging at him an cussing him out like he was family.

She could sweet talk those evaluating her for a few years, but then the ability to do that fades. Next you know she verbally and physically abusive to care givers and hospital staff. Yet compliant with a select few.

This is the issue we are having. Yes, I am the target, but parent is starting to feel tooooo comfortable with DH and has lashed out once. Knows how to behave for those evaluating. Such a tyranny when the mood swings. I actually sometimes need zanex to decompress from the tirades as talking about it in therapy isn't enough. When lucid seems so normal.

[Anonymous]

I don't find my mother able to control herself or get it together with anyone. Perhaps she is harsher with close family members but anyone who spends five minutes with her can tell she is neither sweet nor sane.

[Anonymous]

Yes I'm not sure. My FIL is in hospital at the moment and he doesn't have dementia but he is showing signs of cognitive decline. He has become increasingly demanding expecting my husband to visit him daily even though he is working and tired, barking orders at everyone.

I've noticed that he can get to the toilet just fine however if he is upset with the nurses because they didn't do something for him he will suddenly urinate all over the floor. At first we all thought it was incontinence but it appears he is mostly fine unless he is upset that MIL hasn't come to see him right away or something else and then he will urinate on the floor. When he is happy he goes to the toilet or uses the bottle.

It's a side of the elderly that is really hard to like.

[Anonymous]

Well right now I am the only one Mommy Dearest takes her irrational fury out on. I guess I can look forward to my siblings finally understanding what it's all about when she is less able to be selective with her verbal bullets. Maybe it will become more apparent to the neurologist too if we can ever get her there.