Sibling babysitting siblings

[Anonymous]

How much is enough?
I find it painful to watch a situation from the sidelines.
There is a big age Gap. The older girl sibling genuinely cares for the younger one. Parents go out a lot, taking it for granted that the young will be cared for.
For the most time this is ok. But it has become more frequent, older sibling has to cater for parents babysitting needs and parents do not allow her to refuse.
A cruise vacation meant that the girl sibling had to be alone in the room with the younger when the parents were having fun, London vacation meant evenings alone in hotel room babysitting. Some weekends alone babysitting. Summer break meant being a summer camp for younger sibling instead of getting a part time job. Hanging out with friends has to be scheduled based on parents babysitting needs.
No help from parents if she is not happy. Younger kid is acting like a brat
Teenager tells me she doesn't have enough patience and feels guilty

[Anonymous]

Obviously that's way too much.

I have six kids, with a big age gap between the oldest two and the youngest four. Here are the guidelines we have:

We ask "Would you like to babysit this Friday night?" and they can say no. In that case, we will hire someone.
If one of our kids babysits, we pay them.
If they babysit Friday night, they don't babysit Saturday night.
When we're on vacation, we don't ask them to babysit more than once or twice in a one week period.

[Anonymous]

What difference does it make what we think? Or what you think, for that matter. What is your relationship to the situation.

[Anonymous]

My teens babysit for me if they are going to be home anyway. If they have plans or commitments, I find a sitter. They do not miss out on things to take care of a younger sibling; that’s not their responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Definitely sucks but not something you can call CPS about. What’s the longest the parents have left the older child in charge and how old is the teen? The teen must be 15 or 16 at least if you’re talking about her ability to get a job (outside the family). I think even a whole weekend is probably not CPS worthy if the girl is 16-17.

[Anonymous]

You could try to role play and coach the girl through talking to her parents about how she feels overwhelmed by the responsibility and doesn’t have enough patience after X hours to be the adult caretaker younger sib needs. They may ignore her, but at least you’re building her self-advocacy skills?

[Anonymous]

Older kids should not be parenting younger ones but that is the reality of it.

[Anonymous]

What is your relationship with the older child. I babysat younger siblings...it really wasn’t a big deal. It’s not like I was going out or allowed out as a young teen anyways. I find it creepy you are injecting yourself.

[Anonymous]

Babysitting younger siblings is as old as time.

[Anonymous]

I had to deal with this and it was abusive. You feel as though you have no power. This caused issues in my relationship with my parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babysitting younger siblings is as old as time.

So is rape and murder. What’s your point. I hate this argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens babysit for me if they are going to be home anyway. If they have plans or commitments, I find a sitter. They do not miss out on things to take care of a younger sibling; that’s not their responsibility.

This! If there is something we need to do we may ask them not to plan anything on a particular day but if something they can't miss out on comes up we figure out another alternative. They are still kids too.

[Anonymous]

It sucks for the girl but there’s nothing you can do.

She could get involved in a lot of activities so she wouldn’t be as available but the parents would have to allow that which seems unlikely. Best plan is to go to college and never come back.

[Anonymous]

I think asking my oldest to babysit is fine on occasion. I wouldn’t ask her to change her plans or anything. But I refuse to pay her because this is one of the responsibilities of her being a family member, like doing dishes, laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think asking my oldest to babysit is fine on occasion. I wouldn’t ask her to change her plans or anything. But I refuse to pay her because this is one of the responsibilities of her being a family member, like doing dishes, laundry, etc.

I would argue that being a parent means it’s your responsibility to watch your own kid ,and not deflect the responsibility on someone else without compensation. It wasn’t your child’s choice to have another child so not her responsibility. Dishes and parenting/babysitting a sibling are two completely different things and i’m surprised you can’t tell the difference.