grandparents

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I worry or think a lot about my kids. I was curious though, do grandparents worry or think about their grandkids or do they mostly worry about their adult children still? I guess, I am a little baffled at how hands off and uninterested my own parents seem towards my own kids. I guess I will understand later. I just can't imagine being a grandmother and not wanting to see your grandkids! Maybe I'll feel differently later? My kids are only in K and 1st. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think about my grandkids all the time. They are still very young, so I don’t really worry about them the same way I do my 17 year old and my adult kids. When they are sick, I am concerned about them. But, my son and DIL are fantastic parents. I don’t have any reason to worry about them, yet. I’m sure I will as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Different people are different. My parents are wonderful but a little over obsessed with my kids who are still very little. My mom is already pushing structured activities and leaning to sit still and read on my not even 4 year old. She worries about her all the time and tells me all the things I need to consider and correct with her. Trying to make up for her being very young when she had me and not aware of a lot of things I think. So they are very engaged and spend a lot of time with my kids but it's a double edged sword.

[Anonymous]

While my mother definitely thinks about my baby a lot (she constantly wants to Facetime and emails the account we set up for LO every day -- it's a bit much), but I don't think she worries about the baby the way she does about me. For example, baby was readmitted to the hospital for jaundice a couple of days after we were released. My mom got the message that we were in the hospital but not the details (I think my husband sent a less than artful text) and when I explained why she said, "Oh, it didn't even cross my mind that it could be something with the baby! I thought it was you." So I think she dotes over the baby but worries about me.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the situation - when things are going well and you trust your kids are good parents, I imagine there isn't a ton of worry because you know your kids are caring for them well. But if a grandchild is having a lot of difficulties I definitely think there is worry. My cousin is struggling a lot right now with some pretty serious difficulties and my grandmother is extremely worried about him even at 90. But still, her focus is mostly on supporting my aunt on how to best support him. Though she does support him directly too with phone calls, mail, etc.

[Anonymous]

Self car, mental health. Elders feel, generally, more vulnerable. One strategy is to condition oneself to worry less, especially when it's really not in our control. We raised you the best we knew how. We have passed the torch to you. We know you will have significant challenges, joy and sadness. We have to let you handle it from here. You are stronger and have more current knowledge and experience.

[Anonymous]

Were your parents hands off and uninterested with you?

My parents are kind of terrible grandparents, and they weren’t awful parents necessarily but it’s like their bad habits (mainly poor communication and an inability to deal with feelings) have gotten worse as they’ve gotten older. Plus, it’s all more obvious to me now that I’m watching it more as an outsider.

[Anonymous]

My parents are very involved but they definitely have a grandparent relationship. They don’t worry all night about my kids, but they were mentally healthy and didn’t worry nonstop about me either. My parents don’t care about vegetables but they did when they were parents. That sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

My parents think about them all the time, and we talk about them all the time. But I am an only child, single parent and European - and sorry to generalize, but being a grandparent seems to have a different role in Europe than in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents think about them all the time, and we talk about them all the time. But I am an only child, single parent and European - and sorry to generalize, but being a grandparent seems to have a different role in Europe than in the US.

+1. Another European. My mother wants to be - and is - pretty involved. My suburban Philadelphian in-laws could care less; they only want my kids for Thanksgiving, for a picture-taking opportunity.

[Anonymous]

MIL thinks about the kids when they aren't with her and for about 5 mins when they are with her. When she's with them, she's constantly telling to go play when all they want to do is spend time with her. Stepdad is completely hands off unless someone needs to be disciplined. My mother is a lot more hands on.