How to deal with my children suddenly talking back and making rude comments

[Anonymous]

Last night to my surprise, my 7 year old and 6 year old daughters were not so nice to me. It's very unlike them. I simply asked them to clean their room and it turned in to them throwing things around, banging on the walls, mocking me, laughing at me while I tried to talk to them and threatening to pack their things and move to their aunt's house forever.

It honestly hurt my feelings and I have no idea how to deal with this behaviour because this is all new to me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they've entered a developmentally normal stage of asserting their independence at the same time.

This seems like good advice:
https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/five-steps-to-put-the-brakes-on-back-talk

One thing I'd try to do is separate them for tasks where they are collaborating to make things difficult. So they still have to clean their room, like usual, but they take turns.

[Anonymous]

A good whack on the bottom. Not sure why it hurt your feelings. You're in for a big heartache in the teen years if you don't toughen up and nip this in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they've entered a developmentally normal stage of asserting their independence at the same time.

This seems like good advice:
https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/five-steps-to-put-the-brakes-on-back-talk

One thing I'd try to do is separate them for tasks where they are collaborating to make things difficult. So they still have to clean their room, like usual, but they take turns.

+1

[Anonymous]

Don't ask, TELL.

If they're feeding off each other, separate them so they can't.

Talk to them today about their behavior. Tell them next time they throw around things you've told them to put away, those items will be taken away.

Get a thicker skin - it's pathetic that a child acting like a child hurts your feelings. Children push boundaries. It's what they do. They need the boundaries reinforced in order to feel safe and secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night to my surprise, my 7 year old and 6 year old daughters were not so nice to me. It's very unlike them. I simply asked them to clean their room and it turned in to them throwing things around, banging on the walls, mocking me, laughing at me while I tried to talk to them and threatening to pack their things and move to their aunt's house forever.

It honestly hurt my feelings and I have no idea how to deal with this behaviour because this is all new to me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I had a heart to heart with my DD who is almost 7 about some rude things that she said to me the other day. Just taking the time one on one to tell her how it makes you feel and that it's not okay for her to say that to you might help. My DD ended up kissing me on the cheek and then running off and has been much better.

Heart to heart with girls work for me. mom of 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last night to my surprise, my 7 year old and 6 year old daughters were not so nice to me. It's very unlike them. I simply asked them to clean their room and it turned in to them throwing things around, banging on the walls, mocking me, laughing at me while I tried to talk to them and threatening to pack their things and move to their aunt's house forever.

It honestly hurt my feelings and I have no idea how to deal with this behaviour because this is all new to me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

What were the consequences of their behavior? You can talk to them all you want but if they incur consequences (that they really dislike) for their behavior then talking isn't going to change anything. You can try time outs sitting in a chair someplace boring like the hallway, you can take away screen time/favorite toys/eliminate desserts/treats. I would never let our kids (same ages) mock me and behave that way without there being MAJOR consequences that would deter them from doing so again. Good luck

[Anonymous]

So you pack up anything that was not cleaned up as asked. Away it goes. Except they can earn the stuff back one by one when doing as asked.

[Anonymous]

Developmentally normal does mean acceptable. Immediate time out separately and if you have to pick it up it's yours. And have Aunt tell them that no one who behaves like that is not welcome in her house.

[Anonymous]

If they don’t normally act like this, and it seems like that’s the case, I wouldn’t come down hard on them. Plus, it’s over now and consequences mean the most when they are swift.

Go for the heartnto heart now, with a warning that next time they do X, the consequence will be Y. Gives you a chance to think it through rather than react too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you pack up anything that was not cleaned up as asked. Away it goes. Except they can earn the stuff back one by one when doing as asked.

People always say that. To me, it seems like that is throwing a tantrum back at them. “You didn’t do it so I am going to take your stuff. Because I can! Neener neener!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you pack up anything that was not cleaned up as asked. Away it goes. Except they can earn the stuff back one by one when doing as asked.

People always say that. To me, it seems like that is throwing a tantrum back at them. “You didn’t do it so I am going to take your stuff. Because I can! Neener neener!”

It's not throwing a tantrum back at them. It shows them certain behavior has consequences. Don't make excuses. Be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you pack up anything that was not cleaned up as asked. Away it goes. Except they can earn the stuff back one by one when doing as asked.

People always say that. To me, it seems like that is throwing a tantrum back at them. “You didn’t do it so I am going to take your stuff. Because I can! Neener neener!”

That's not what it is at ALL. It's saying "If you don't take care of your things, then you obviously don't value them, in which case you don't deserve them."

[Anonymous]

Just no screens. No threats. Just no screens for whatever period is consequential in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you pack up anything that was not cleaned up as asked. Away it goes. Except they can earn the stuff back one by one when doing as asked.

People always say that. To me, it seems like that is throwing a tantrum back at them. “You didn’t do it so I am going to take your stuff. Because I can! Neener neener!”

That's not what it is at ALL. It's saying "If you don't take care of your things, then you obviously don't value them, in which case you don't deserve them."

I also feel that it’s appropriate and not a tantrum. Just be calm. I tell my kids that if they have so much stuff that they are unable to clean it up, we need to clear out the extra stuff. The same applies for adults - if you have so much stuff that you can’t clean it up, then you need to get rid of some that stuff (only we fall it decluttering).