Four and a Half Year Old Suddenly Acting Out

[Anonymous]

Our usually well-tempered four year old is suddenly having complete meltdowns. On her first day of school, she dressed herself. The past few weeks, the mornings have been rough and the evenings rougher. It's like she is completely out of steam/unable/unwilling to listen. The thing is, it almost seems like she is testing us. She will scream and cry if we say no to a simple thing (she hasn't had a temper tantrum since she was a toddler) and completely meltdown at a drop of a hat. I keep thinking she must be overtired but she is getting good sleep. Her naps at school are getting shorter (which I would expect) but she takes 2-3 weekend naps and often sleeps 11 hours at night.

She has a younger sibling who is going to be two soon and started to exhibit some of the typical toddler behaviors. I am wondering if we are responding to her and so the older one is trying to get more attention by acting like her younger sister.

I am just at a loss - aside from sleep (she is not sick) if there is something else, developmentally we are missing/should be looking out for.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her how school is? Is there someone she is not getting along with? How are her teachers?

I had a friend whose child suddenly started to cry and misbehave before going to daycare/Preschool and he was baffled. A month latter some of the teachers had been arrested for abusing the kids in a different class. It was the same age group as my co-workers kid but different teachers. His son had not been harmed but did spend part of the day with those teachers. They changed schools, obviously, and his son rebounded and school was no longer an issue.

So it is possible that her change in behavior is because of something that is problematic at school. It might not be the teachers but a kid who she thought was a friend who is now not a friend. So ask her and ask the school if they are noticing anything different in her interactions at school.

[Anonymous]

+1

Had similar issue with 3 year old. Turned out to be new teacher verbally abusing kids. 3 year old went from a joy to daily anxiety meltdown, sleep refusal etc. we only figured it out because another parent reported it.

Switched schools immediately. Things are much better albeit some lingering separation anxiety.

[Anonymous]

It must be the school. She is probably exhausted from it.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of friends that say this age is the age of 'big feelings' and that their kids have gone through this. Change can be very hard for this emotional age and she may just be having a hard time dealing with a class.

And I always try to remember that you are her safe space so after being good all day at school she may release her pent up feelings at home..

All this to say that it might just be a phase and not the result of any serious issue.

[Anonymous]

I would listen to the Unruffled podcast by Janet Lansbury. She is having big feelings about something. You need to acknowledge these feelings and let her get them out. You need to act as though her outbreaks are no big deal (even if inside they are slowly killing you). The podcast and this approach has really helped with my 3.5 year old who has a lot of big feelings right now and some epic meltdowns.