Disclosure of childhood abuse as an adult.

[Anonymous]

If an adult family member (sister, brother, cousin) disclosed to you that they had been physically, sexually, and emotionally abused as a child, WWYD?

I recently disclosed to a parent that the other parent had been physically and sexually abusive to me. They were shocked and had no idea. I'm honestly wondering if I should have disclosed or not.

[Anonymous]

You did not make a mistake in disclosing.

Your parent should believe you. This information should greatly disturb them and cause them to question their relationship to your other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did not make a mistake in disclosing.

Your parent should believe you. This information should greatly disturb them and cause them to question their relationship to your other parent.

Agreed. It should.

However, I can tell you from my own experience (and others), that denial can run very deep. It's not unusual for the victim to be the person castigated. Do you have a therapist? Have you discussed this disclosure with them and are they supporting you?

[Anonymous]

I would hug him and say how sorry I am and ask if they want help- confronting the adults who were supposed to keep him safe, finding a therapist, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Are your parents still married, OP?

[Anonymous]

I can only imagine the range of emotions I would feel to find out something like that was happening to my child right under my nose and I was unaware. It would take me a long time to process that and deal with the inevitable guilt. You were not wrong to disclose, but understand how shell-shocked this person probably is and that while you need them to react to you, they also have to learn to cope with their own emotions.

[Anonymous]

I am trying to imagine this scenario and yeah it would be a really hard thing to process. Especially if family was important to me, to accept a painful truth that would break that apart. And if I were still married to that person, to break the marriage apart. I’d imagine I might have periods of doubt, but I’d try to hide that from you as that would be adding on to the pain. Such a hard thing. I’m sorry you had to go through that and that you had to hold onto that secret for so long. I hope you are able to find some support and healing.

[Anonymous]

I would like to think I would immediately tell the person how sorry I am that this happened. But I could see where it was so shocking that it is hard to fully process.

[Anonymous]

Normal people respond with love, support and kindness.

People who are part of a family with incest actually react with shock, horror, disbelief and aloofness.