Now that you have kids, do you socialize with other parents the same way your own parents did?

[Anonymous]

Random question here but I am wondering if you socialize the same way your parents did. My mom was pretty reclusive and a single parent. She would argue or get in fights with my friends parents. Growing up, there definitely were cliques formed because the parents were all friends and planned weekend parties or signed their kids up for activities together. I don’t think we ever got invited to a family BBQ growing up. I had my own friends but I certainly didn’t get any help in this respect.

Now that I have my own kids, I probably lean a little too far in the other direction and am really involved with kids and their friends and classmates parents.

[Anonymous]

My mom married young and moved far away from her family and friends. We lived in an upper-middle class neighborhood, and she was one of the few moms who worked.

I don't recall much socializing. She definitely wasn't friends with my friends' parents.

But she was always kind and friendly with people... just left out by circumstance mostly.

My father was a dynamic person, but very self-focused and driven, so didn't have much time to socialize outside of work, iron man training etc.

My husband and I have lived in the same area for a long time, and have a great network from prior to having kids. But, we're both introverts so while we socialize, we're definitely not excessive about it.

[Anonymous]

My parents had few friends and rarely socialized at all. It seems really sad to me in retrospect. I am very introverted but make an effort to be social and know my kids’ friends’ parents. I get together with groups of moms of my daughter’s friends not because I love their company, but like it or not, it does help the kids sustain friendships if the parents know each other. At least in elementary/middle school.

[Anonymous]

I'm more social with other parents that my parents were. Not my parents fault, they were first generation immigrants and settled in neighborhoods where they kind of stood out like a sore thumb. It was definitely not the norm there to have families of different ethnicities around. I don't think my mom was very comfortable hanging out with other moms, and English was also not her first language. They socialized with a few other immigrant families around town but the kids didn't usually attend the same school as me.

I fit in better (naturally, I grew up here) and I live in a more diverse neighborhood. I am friendly with all sorts, but more in a way of having a few parent contacts to help out with school questions and carpool. I make small talk at kid parties. I work so I don't have a whole lot of time to socialize.

[Anonymous]

My parents were asocial with no friends, and I fight my introverted nature to create a social circle for the sake of my kids. DH is no help, he's an Aspie scientist

At the end of the day, my kids see that I try my best. That's what matters.

[Anonymous]

The biggest difference I’ve noticed is phone time. When I was a kid, my mom was ALWAYS chatting with someone on the phone. I never do, and of all my friends, I think maybe one talks on the phone regularly.

[Anonymous]

No idea. I haven't talked to my mother since I was 15 or 16. My father is one of those people who can talk to anyone and makes everyone comfortable.

I just do what works for our family/me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest difference I’ve noticed is phone time. When I was a kid, my mom was ALWAYS chatting with someone on the phone. I never do, and of all my friends, I think maybe one talks on the phone regularly.

Whoa I forgot about that - when I'd come home from school my mom was always on the phone. "Are you bleeding? Then don't interrupt me."

[Anonymous]

My parents were friendly and well liked during casual contact with other parents (sports, etc.) but never had adult friends over, never hosted parties, and we never traveled with other families.

I do all those things. It's only looking back I find it a bit odd though. As a child, I had plenty of friends and it never hurt me.

[Anonymous]

My parents had their own group of friends (these were not parents of my friends, but I ended up being friends with the kids of those who were around my age), they hosted and went to parties, visits, bbqs etc. with parents of my friends, they were friendly, but not friends.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a rural area and my dad worked shift work, so they did not socialize much at all. We lived in my mom's hometown, so she socialized with family, and a few friends she still had from her high school days. She was friendly with other kids' moms, but there just wasn't a lot of socializing. I guess whatever socializing there was happened at church, and there they would hang out out with parents of kids close my age (and my brother's age). Church was a huge part of our lives - there were regulars potlucks and social dinners. My dad had some friends from work (and one of them had daughters my age that were my close friends), and a few friends from past jobs and sometimes there was socializing there, too.

But compared to now it feels really different. We are pretty social and try to meet up with other parents when we're out and about doing kid things, or have friends over. Most of our friends who live in DC are friends because our kids are friends. I've lived in DC since 1994 and every friend I regularly hung out with the first two years in DC has moved someplace else.

[Anonymous]

My parents were (still are) VERY social, so we always had people over or were over at people's houses. I wasn't necessarily in school with their kids, and didn't see them once we got old enough to socialize outside of our parents' social circles, but we all played when we were little.

DH and I haven't found a community/tribe like that, it makes me very sad.

[Anonymous]

My parents did NO socializing with my friends’ parents. Zero.

They had their own group of friends and entertained often, lots of dinner parties, or they went out to Georgetown etc.

[Anonymous]

My parents were involved with the parents of the kids we went to school with, with the parents of the kids in the neighborhood (we went to private school), and with their own friends. They are still friends with these people today. They had monthly bridge club that rotated houses, they threw parties, they attended parties, and they were otherwise engaged with parents through the school, charity work, etc.

We are involved with the parents our kids go to school with, the parents of the kids in the neighborhood (our kids go to private school), and with our own friends that we knew before kids. So I guess we're following in my parents' footsteps, although not intentionally. My in-laws were nothing like this but my husband was instantly struck when he first met my parents by how involved they had been in my life and with the parents of my friends (in a good way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were (still are) VERY social, so we always had people over or were over at people's houses. I wasn't necessarily in school with their kids, and didn't see them once we got old enough to socialize outside of our parents' social circles, but we all played when we were little.

DH and I haven't found a community/tribe like that, it makes me very sad.

Same here