Anyone have a large age gap? Logistics issues

[Anonymous]

I have a 5yo who just started kindergarten and a 6 month old. I went back to work in August and now my nanny is watching both kids. While I love the age gap for many reasons, the logistics of having 2 kids at very different stages is really hard. The biggest challenge right now is with school pick ups. The baby takes two short naps in the morning and then his long nap in the afternoons, usually from 2-4:30pm. However, since my older one went back to school a couple weeks ago my nanny has to wake the baby by 2:30pm in order to pick my older one up, which is basically a 30 minute excursion. Older one also has classes twice a week which are about 45 minutes so my nanny and baby just wait around. Unfortunately my baby just won't sleep on the go - not in the car, not in the stroller, etc. I have tried to get him to take longer naps in the AM but it just doesn't happen. And I have tried everything to get him to sleep on the go but he just won't. He is totally the opposite of the older one who could sleep anywhere.

So basically the baby is super cranky and fussy all afternoon which is miserable for everyone, so he ends up going to sleep by 5:30pm because he is so exhausted and then wakes up at 5:30/6am which perpetuates this cycle. And the worst part is that I don't get home from work until 6pm so I basically don't get to see him most weeknights which really sucks. On weekends when DH and I divide and conquer the baby's schedule is great, he is super happy and sleeps a normal 7-7, so I know it's the school pick ups that are messing everything up.

Has anyone dealt with this? Any advice? Part of me wonders if I should hire a college student to just pick my older one up and bring her home at least a couple days a week so the baby can stick to his schedule, but it seems kind of crazy to have a full time nanny and a sitter on top of it... although this will likely just be a problem for like a year until the baby is on one nap.

[Anonymous]

Does the school have aftercare? That may be a solution.

[Anonymous]

My children have a 5 year age gap and it's been wonderful. I brought the baby everywhere I needed to go with my oldest, and the baby adjusted nicely.

If you wake up the baby earlier in the morning, can the naps all be earlier as well?

[Anonymous]

Hmm...that's tough. I also have 2 kids that are 4.5 years apart. If you have the money to get a college student, great--if not, I would drop the classes for the K kid and let the baby sleep in peace at least 2 afternoon a week. But this stage of 3 naps will be only temporary. Eventually your baby will get on a two nap a day schedule, and it will be easier...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My children have a 5 year age gap and it's been wonderful. I brought the baby everywhere I needed to go with my oldest, and the baby adjusted nicely.

If you wake up the baby earlier in the morning, can the naps all be earlier as well?

Unfortunately no matter when he wakes the afternoon nap suffers. His wake times are about 2.25 hours between naps. So when he is up at 6 he naps from 8:15-9am, and then usually 11:15am to 11:45/12pm. He just can't fall asleep so soon after he naps even though those morning naps are so crappy. Sometimes we can get him down by 1:30pm but he still needs more than an hour nap and can't be awake more than 3 hours to get him past a 5:30pm bedtime - even that is pushing it. Regardless of the morning naps, if he has to be awake by 2:30pm there is just no way to do a normal bedtime and I hate not seeing him.

[Anonymous]

I did daycare for the little one and aftercare for the older One in this situation. It was less than a nanny and then I wasn’t waking anyone or forcing my older one to forgo after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My children have a 5 year age gap and it's been wonderful. I brought the baby everywhere I needed to go with my oldest, and the baby adjusted nicely.

If you wake up the baby earlier in the morning, can the naps all be earlier as well?

Unfortunately no matter when he wakes the afternoon nap suffers. His wake times are about 2.25 hours between naps. So when he is up at 6 he naps from 8:15-9am, and then usually 11:15am to 11:45/12pm. He just can't fall asleep so soon after he naps even though those morning naps are so crappy. Sometimes we can get him down by 1:30pm but he still needs more than an hour nap and can't be awake more than 3 hours to get him past a 5:30pm bedtime - even that is pushing it. Regardless of the morning naps, if he has to be awake by 2:30pm there is just no way to do a normal bedtime and I hate not seeing him.

That seems like a lot of naps. I would try to lengthen the time between naps and consolidate to two naps, one in the morning, one in the afternoon. So what if he's cranky at first? He'll adjust.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 yr gap between my middle and youngest too. It is has many challenges and benefits but logistics of a baby/toddler schedule and naps and the schedule of older kids is my biggest problem too.

Start consolidating to two longer naps. This is about the natural time for that anyhow. Older child stays in after school care until baby wakes up. I wouldn't sign older child up for any activity that starts before 4:30. This is what I did for the first 2 yrs. My older kids got out of school at 3 but went to after school care (which was usually outdoor playground time, which they love) until about 3:45-4. From there I would take all three kids to whatever activity they had and baby was much happier. This year youngest is almost three and naps are shorter so I am usually able to pick big kids up on time.

[Anonymous]

At 6 months I’d expect to drop that 2nd nap soon anyway. Keep him up until 12:30 or so and then he can get a solid 2 hour nap in before nanny has to leave to pick up the older kid. It might suck for a month or two, but the great thing about tough times with infants is that they generally grow out if whatever it is that was causing the problem.

[Anonymous]

I would try to start pushing back the middle nap by 10 minutes every couple of days and see if you can consolidate the second and third naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 6 months I’d expect to drop that 2nd nap soon anyway. Keep him up until 12:30 or so and then he can get a solid 2 hour nap in before nanny has to leave to pick up the older kid. It might suck for a month or two, but the great thing about tough times with infants is that they generally grow out if whatever it is that was causing the problem.

This! I had kids with this age difference and was a stay at home mom and I agree that the main nap has to settle in to that 12 to 2:30 window. One nap in the morning. The afternoon nap after lunch and then another if the baby happens to catch it after pickup.

But, honestly, a 5 year old doesn't need lessons or after school activities. If you really want to give them those enrichment activities, schedule them for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Cancel extra curriculars for older kid. Baby waits until after pickup for long nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My children have a 5 year age gap and it's been wonderful. I brought the baby everywhere I needed to go with my oldest, and the baby adjusted nicely.

If you wake up the baby earlier in the morning, can the naps all be earlier as well?

Unfortunately no matter when he wakes the afternoon nap suffers. His wake times are about 2.25 hours between naps. So when he is up at 6 he naps from 8:15-9am, and then usually 11:15am to 11:45/12pm. He just can't fall asleep so soon after he naps even though those morning naps are so crappy. Sometimes we can get him down by 1:30pm but he still needs more than an hour nap and can't be awake more than 3 hours to get him past a 5:30pm bedtime - even that is pushing it. Regardless of the morning naps, if he has to be awake by 2:30pm there is just no way to do a normal bedtime and I hate not seeing him.

So start the last nap at 3:15 instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the school have aftercare? That may be a solution.

I have a 5.5 year age gap between my oldest and youngest, and I did this combined with an occasional second sitter and some shifting around of my work hours. I wasn't able to get my baby his nap every day, but he had a good afternoon nap 5-6 days a week. FWIW, that baby is in kindergarten himself now, and he appears just fine despite the interrupted nap schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My children have a 5 year age gap and it's been wonderful. I brought the baby everywhere I needed to go with my oldest, and the baby adjusted nicely.

If you wake up the baby earlier in the morning, can the naps all be earlier as well?

Unfortunately no matter when he wakes the afternoon nap suffers. His wake times are about 2.25 hours between naps. So when he is up at 6 he naps from 8:15-9am, and then usually 11:15am to 11:45/12pm. He just can't fall asleep so soon after he naps even though those morning naps are so crappy. Sometimes we can get him down by 1:30pm but he still needs more than an hour nap and can't be awake more than 3 hours to get him past a 5:30pm bedtime - even that is pushing it. Regardless of the morning naps, if he has to be awake by 2:30pm there is just no way to do a normal bedtime and I hate not seeing him.

So start the last nap at 3:15 instead.

Horrible idea. Unless you don’t mind being up until 10pm with a baby.