ExH is a Bum

[Anonymous]

My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

Oh wow, that's the new wife who didn't even want your DD at her wedding ceremony? Yeah, that's a hard no. I'd be inclined to say that she didn't consider DD her daughter a few weeks ago when she didn't want her there during the wedding ceremony and you don't believe much changed now.

But actually I think your response is perfect. I would just repeat the same question in response to his statement.

[Anonymous]

Let them figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

Oh wow, that's the new wife who didn't even want your DD at her wedding ceremony? Yeah, that's a hard no. I'd be inclined to say that she didn't consider DD her daughter a few weeks ago when she didn't want her there during the wedding ceremony and you don't believe much changed now.

But actually I think your response is perfect. I would just repeat the same question in response to his statement.

They wanted her part-time. Mom refused. She's looking to take parenting time away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

Oh wow, that's the new wife who didn't even want your DD at her wedding ceremony? Yeah, that's a hard no. I'd be inclined to say that she didn't consider DD her daughter a few weeks ago when she didn't want her there during the wedding ceremony and you don't believe much changed now.

But actually I think your response is perfect. I would just repeat the same question in response to his statement.

They wanted her part-time. Mom refused. She's looking to take parenting time away.

How do you figure? The dad asked OP if he could get out of parenting time! He literally asked OP if he could outsource his parenting time to a third party. How exactly did OP “make” him do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

Oh wow, that's the new wife who didn't even want your DD at her wedding ceremony? Yeah, that's a hard no. I'd be inclined to say that she didn't consider DD her daughter a few weeks ago when she didn't want her there during the wedding ceremony and you don't believe much changed now.

But actually I think your response is perfect. I would just repeat the same question in response to his statement.

They wanted her part-time. Mom refused. She's looking to take parenting time away.

Wrong answer. Try again. I actually raiseD with him (again) this week the prospect of having DD one additional overnight a week after a good friend gently suggested that I should try to encourage their relationship more. In response, he told me he would consider it when he moves, NEXT YEAR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ExH has asked if his new wife can pickup/drop off our DD from daycare. He has 4 days to pickup and 2 days to drop off in an average month. I asked him what pickups/drop offs he was having trouble with so that I could help. (I’m able to do both pickup and drop off every day; this is my regular routine.) He didn’t respond to the question and just offered that DD feels comfortable with new stepmom and this wasn’t a difficult request to allow. That all may be true, but it seems to me that ExH doesn’t do much parenting as is and now he’s trying to outsource some of it. There’s not a question here and I’m not really looking for advice; just annoyed and wanted to vent anonymously.


And yes, I know it is my fault for having a kid with him so no need to type that response. Also, he really is a bum. See my previous post for details. https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/812836.page

Oh wow, that's the new wife who didn't even want your DD at her wedding ceremony? Yeah, that's a hard no. I'd be inclined to say that she didn't consider DD her daughter a few weeks ago when she didn't want her there during the wedding ceremony and you don't believe much changed now.

But actually I think your response is perfect. I would just repeat the same question in response to his statement.

They wanted her part-time. Mom refused. She's looking to take parenting time away.

Wrong answer. Try again. I actually raiseD with him (again) this week the prospect of having DD one additional overnight a week after a good friend gently suggested that I should try to encourage their relationship more. In response, he told me he would consider it when he moves, NEXT YEAR.

Your ex IS a bum.

[Anonymous]

He's probably going to lose even this little bit of interest as soon as the new wife gets pregnant.

[Anonymous]

What is the big deal if stepmom picks up the child? If its easier for them if she does it, especially if she's closer, why do you have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

And she is doing the vast majority of parenting as she refuses their requests/shared time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

And she is doing the vast majority of parenting as she refuses their requests/shared time.

Did you miss the part where OP offered more time and dad declined? It seems like there are a few people here who always jump to conclusions and assume the divorced mom is always in the wrong.

The choice here isn’t over stepmom or babysitter. It’s mom, dad, or stepmom. If dad needs help, why wouldn’t mom be the obvious choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

And she is doing the vast majority of parenting as she refuses their requests/shared time.

Did you miss the part where OP offered more time and dad declined? It seems like there are a few people here who always jump to conclusions and assume the divorced mom is always in the wrong.

The choice here isn’t over stepmom or babysitter. It’s mom, dad, or stepmom. If dad needs help, why wouldn’t mom be the obvious choice?

We aren't seeing the entire picture. It sounds like Dad agreed but said stepmom would need to pick up and Mom refused that. Dad is probably working and has to work to pay child support and his own household needs. Mom gets child support and her income so its much easier on her financially. Some people don't have flexible jobs.