ExH is a Bum

[Anonymous]

I don't really see the big deal on this particular issue. Presumably step mom picks the child up and he spends time with her that evening? If so, it's just semantics.

I thought though from the prior post that he lives about an hour away from you or was it just that the wedding was an hour away from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

And she is doing the vast majority of parenting as she refuses their requests/shared time.

Did you miss the part where OP offered more time and dad declined? It seems like there are a few people here who always jump to conclusions and assume the divorced mom is always in the wrong.

The choice here isn’t over stepmom or babysitter. It’s mom, dad, or stepmom. If dad needs help, why wouldn’t mom be the obvious choice?

We aren't seeing the entire picture. It sounds like Dad agreed but said stepmom would need to pick up and Mom refused that. Dad is probably working and has to work to pay child support and his own household needs. Mom gets child support and her income so its much easier on her financially. Some people don't have flexible jobs.

OP here. You aren’t seeing the whole picture; good job on creating a fantasy not based on facts. My ExH did not agree to spending more time with his daughter. The schedule has not changed and before the new wife came into the picture, he never once voiced a concern about having trouble with pickups and drop offs. This is not about flexible schedules; he has simply found a way to get out of doing this thing by outsourcing it. At face value, there’s nothing wrong with stepmom picking up DD, but there is seemingly no reason for it.

[Anonymous]

So even after divorce you still want to control him and complain about what he does. No wonder he’s moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really see the big deal on this particular issue. Presumably step mom picks the child up and he spends time with her that evening? If so, it's just semantics.

I thought though from the prior post that he lives about an hour away from you or was it just that the wedding was an hour away from you?

You don’t see anything wrong with stepmom babysitting the kid when she could be at home with mom?

[Anonymous]

I'd be worried about stepmom not implementing basic safety procedures, if she doesn’t care about this child.

On the other hand, would she be a better caregiver than your ex?

It’s all about what's best for your child, OP.

[Anonymous]

PPs need to keep in mind that this is the couple who wanted the OP’s preschooler to come to an evening wedding reception (not ceremony) for an hour (after bedtime) and be babysat by the bride’s mother, who had never even met the child. These are not people who are putting the child’s needs before their own.

Y’all need to get over your hatred of first wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really see the big deal on this particular issue. Presumably step mom picks the child up and he spends time with her that evening? If so, it's just semantics.

I thought though from the prior post that he lives about an hour away from you or was it just that the wedding was an hour away from you?

You don’t see anything wrong with stepmom babysitting the kid when she could be at home with mom?

See the bolded. How long is daycare to the house, 10-20 minutes? If he's spending time with her the rest of the evening then, no, I don't really see it as a big deal that step mom is picking up the kid. If he's not spending time with her the rest of the evening then I think that's where the complaint should lie, not with who does the pickup.

[Anonymous]

Mom gets child support and her income so its much easier on her financially.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Obviously you have never budgeted as a single working parent. CS is *no* replacement for having been a two income family.

[Anonymous]

Op, if step mom is a responsible, sober adult, I’d encourage the relationship. Life will be easier for your DD if stepmom likes her. I have a step mom and am divorced. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs need to keep in mind that this is the couple who wanted the OP’s preschooler to come to an evening wedding reception (not ceremony) for an hour (after bedtime) and be babysat by the bride’s mother, who had never even met the child. These are not people who are putting the child’s needs before their own.

Y’all need to get over your hatred of first wives.

OP was not a first wife. Her ex is a rare piece of work. You’d need to read the linked thread to get a sense of what a loser he is. I do imagine that the stepmom is more nurturing, so I’d probably just go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, if step mom is a responsible, sober adult, I’d encourage the relationship. Life will be easier for your DD if stepmom likes her. I have a step mom and am divorced. Trust me.

I generally agree with this (as a divorced mom whose daughter ya a great relationship with her stepmom and stepdad). However in this situation, it doesn’t sound like the stepmom in question knows the child that well and hasn’t spent that much time with her. They are only recently married and were not together for long before the wedding. I would not trust that she is responsible or even interested in being a stepmom. Also OP’s child is young enough that she is not able to reliably report her opinion on the situation, and OP’s ex is not a reliable reporter in general.

[Anonymous]

Can someone please clarify this...

I always thought that during dad's time, mom has no say regarding who's providing transportation to and from daycare to dad's house, babysitting, etc?

Does the fact that the person picking up DD is is the father's wife (lethally married, rather than a girlfriend) make a difference?

The reason OP is saying no is NOT because she's concerned about her child's welfare when she's with her stepmom... she's already admitted it's because she feels her ex isn't putting enough effort as it is.

That being said, if OP isn't concerned for her child's welfare/safety with stepmom, how would a judge view this?

Would the judge think that OP is overstepping by making this decision based on HER perspective?

Would a judge think it's the OP's place to determine what her ex's level of effort should be, or would this decision be entirely up to the judge if she protested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please clarify this...

I always thought that during dad's time, mom has no say regarding who's providing transportation to and from daycare to dad's house, babysitting, etc?

Does the fact that the person picking up DD is is the father's wife (lethally married, rather than a girlfriend) make a difference?

The reason OP is saying no is NOT because she's concerned about her child's welfare when she's with her stepmom... she's already admitted it's because she feels her ex isn't putting enough effort as it is.

That being said, if OP isn't concerned for her child's welfare/safety with stepmom, how would a judge view this?

Would the judge think that OP is overstepping by making this decision based on HER perspective?

Would a judge think it's the OP's place to determine what her ex's level of effort should be, or would this decision be entirely up to the judge if she protested?

Most judges support parents having right of first refusal - meaning before one parent outsources childcare, they offer the time to the other parent first.

This is common practice. A judge wouldn’t blink at OP offering to pick up her daughter on days her dad can’t make it.

[Anonymous]

I doubt a Judge would object to the step mom picking up the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is outsourcing by having stepmom transport and you are upset at him outsourcing, so you never have had a babysitter, family member or friend help out? I highly doubt that. So, its ok for you but not for them.

Not at all the same. OP does the vast majority of the parenting. She’s entitled to help.

It is the same. Both parents are entitled to help. Why should mom be entitled to help but not Dad? You are looking for reasons to set the situation up for failure. There is a huge difference between a babysitter and stepmom. The preference should be a stepmom who is willing over a stranger/babysitter.

And she is doing the vast majority of parenting as she refuses their requests/shared time.

Did you miss the part where OP offered more time and dad declined? It seems like there are a few people here who always jump to conclusions and assume the divorced mom is always in the wrong.

The choice here isn’t over stepmom or babysitter. It’s mom, dad, or stepmom. If dad needs help, why wouldn’t mom be the obvious choice?

We aren't seeing the entire picture. It sounds like Dad agreed but said stepmom would need to pick up and Mom refused that. Dad is probably working and has to work to pay child support and his own household needs. Mom gets child support and her income so its much easier on her financially. Some people don't have flexible jobs.

OP here. You aren’t seeing the whole picture; good job on creating a fantasy not based on facts. My ExH did not agree to spending more time with his daughter. The schedule has not changed and before the new wife came into the picture, he never once voiced a concern about having trouble with pickups and drop offs. This is not about flexible schedules; he has simply found a way to get out of doing this thing by outsourcing it. At face value, there’s nothing wrong with stepmom picking up DD, but there is seemingly no reason for it.

And you outsource with school, daycare and babysitters.