Boarding school questions

[Anonymous]

Can anyone fill in what it is like to parent a child at boarding school. Does it feel like you have a college age kid? Do you feel like the parenting journey is over? How much interaction do you have with your child? This would be for a good student who was looking into boarding schools. TIA

[pbraverman]

I worked for five years in a solid second-tier boarding school in the Midwest. My impression was that most parents were very pleased with the school and their kids' experience, but I think the answer to the question depends more on the particular parents than the schools (which the OP may already be implying).

Contrary to movie myths, most boarding school kids are normal, happy, and motivated. Of 300 students at the school where I worked, I can think of only a tiny handful whose parents seemed disconnected or aloof. Did they miss their kids? Sure, but most parents, especially those without great local school options, also saw the benefits of a challenging education, great athletics, a tight community, and staff who cared deeply about teaching.

To gain more insight, you might visit a few close-by schools and speak to the parent representatives. (Every admission office has a list. It's obviously stocked with their most ardent supporters, but it's not necessarily just a cheerleading squad, especially if you ask directed questions, like "What was the hardest thing for YOU to adapt to?")

If you conclude that it would be too much for you to have your child attend a full-time boarding school, you could look for a nearer-to-home option with a five-day boarding program where students return on the weekend. There are a handful of those schools around, though, in candor, they are not always the most academically demanding. (Some are, most aren't.) And remember, it's a process of adjustment for parents as well as kids. What troubles you two weeks in may resolve after a semester. If you commit, give it time.

Good luck!

_____________________

Disclaimer: The anonymity here makes me uncomfortable; it's easy to write uninformed, personal, or mean-spirited posts when posters don't identify themselves. I have an account so you know whose words you're reading. I have more than 20 years' experience as a teacher and administrator in independent schools. I have read hundreds of admission files, and I have counseled hundreds of students in finding their next schools in the DC area. If you disagree with something I've written, you're in good company — there's a long line of past students and parents ahead of you. If you want to chat further, please feel free to contact me offline: peter <at> peterbraverman <dotcom>

[Anonymous]

I am not (yet) parenting a boarding school student, but I hope to one day. I attended a tier 1 boarding school and it was an amazing experience. I hope I am able to send my own children eventually. I do think my parents started parenting a lot less once I was there- I think they would say it was a lot like parenting a college student. But I was a very independent kid and my parents were pretty hands-off. We talked on the phone often, but not every day, saw each other a few times a month (they didn't live too far away), and they were supportive, but they didn't get involved in what I was studying very much. I knew other students whose parents were much more engaged- some who lived in fear of a bad test score that might be disappointing. I was then and still am very close with my parents, and I actually think boarding school helped. I think I'd have gotten more out of it if my parents had been more engaged with my studies, but am glad they weren't breathing down my neck. I'd add that students like me who had initiated the process were happiest and the ones whose parents forced them had a harder time (though my sibling was forced to go to a less academically intense boarding school and truly thrived). Things may have changed, but I would generally say you shouldn't expect to talk to your kid every day or to know everything that is going on, but high schoolers pull away anyhow, don't they?

[Anonymous]

I do think by end of hs the kids are so independent. Maybe just tough for the first year? I think I would need school to be close so I could still attend their sports. There are some neat boarding schools up north but that just seems soooooo far. I don't know.