Sleepovers 16 plus do you allow ?

[Anonymous]

And by way of more background, My son runs in a faster crowd. Nice kids, but there’s drinking, weed, girls in the mix to some degree. We are thinking about a no sleep over rule as “nothing good happens after midnight” thinking. Curious what other parents do. We’d be the only one with this rule in the friend group, which may be tough, but I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable being responsible for other people’s kids.

[Anonymous]

I’d do it on a house by house basis.

But yes, they can get into all sorts of trouble. How do you feel about your own kid’s judgment?

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules. If you are uncomfortable with his crowd and you know they are making bad choices, then that’s a good idea.

[Anonymous]

My rising junior (turns 17 in Sept) and his friends always have sleepovers. The 4 of them are at one of our houses at least one night, if not 2, every weekend and sometimes during the week over the summer. And it is just the boys and there is always a parent home. So, nbd here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rising junior (turns 17 in Sept) and his friends always have sleepovers. The 4 of them are at one of our houses at least one night, if not 2, every weekend and sometimes during the week over the summer. And it is just the boys and there is always a parent home. So, nbd here.

Same. But my kids are very steadfast in their boundaries. One tried vaping once and didn't like it, etc. And in general, they and their friends are pretty nerdy. They've had coding contests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And by way of more background, My son runs in a faster crowd. Nice kids, but there’s drinking, weed, girls in the mix to some degree. We are thinking about a no sleep over rule as “nothing good happens after midnight” thinking. Curious what other parents do. We’d be the only one with this rule in the friend group, which may be tough, but I’m getting increasingly uncomfortable being responsible for other people’s kids.

I think you have “wrong crowd” problems, not sleepover problems.

[Anonymous]

Why not just have a no sleepover with the opposite sex rule? Unless your child is gay...

[Anonymous]

Yup. I had the after prom sleepover last year. They came home, ate, watched a movie, and were in bed sound asleep by 1am.

[Anonymous]

Sure. OP, you can decide anything you want. You are entitled to a preference. That's all you need, a preference.

[Anonymous]

OP that is my rule. DD can go to get together a with friends but she is always picked up.

[Anonymous]

Ok parents of kids that aren’t “nerdy” as some of you term it. And to be clear, I’d prefer he were nerdy. What do you do?

[Anonymous]

OP I feel for you. I have a super nerd 17 yr old and 14 yr old girl who is going to be the opposite so I am thinking about this now. I am considering throwing out all the alcohol in our house - we never drink and if kids sneaked it, we’d never know. Haven’t thought about sleepovers much but she has one a couple weeks ago and came home distracted and a bit upset. Finally told us her friends had pressured her to drink and talked about sex by junior yr plan. DD doesn’t want to deal yet. Vaping rampant. Nonsense at my house would result in calls home and parents would have to come pick kids up immediately. Mine is in a sport where coach is very strict so I am thankful for that.

On the other hand, kids need to be exposed to difficult situations where they have to make ethical decisions about who they are. I don’t want to deprive her of that. So I struggle. She’s strong willed but very bright and has great sense of herself. That will be a blessing and a curse. No one is the boss of her but she’s strong in her convictions.

I guess 17 yr old will have his rebellions in college. None so far. Downsides to that too.

You’re not alone OP. I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. It’s complicated. I don’t tend to think he’s in a “bad crowd” I know the boys pretty well. Good kids who sometimes do stupid stuff. In general, they’re kind, athletic, get good grades, and don’t look for trouble. But they are teenage boys and doing what many (definitely not all) teens do.

[Anonymous]

Ugh this is tough. My parents never let me have sleepovers growing up. Definitely put me on the outside of my friend groups. I wish they hadn’t done that. I then had a really hard time at college because I was never allowed to sleep anywhere but home.

[Anonymous]

Appreciate the feedback. It is tough. We will be the only parent out of the group of about ten. Not that we are not strong enough to do it, just will have an impact. Thinking about ok at other people’s houses , that we know, just not ours. I have too much anxiety over it and if my son does stuff he shouldn’t then it’s just my responsibility with him, if that makes sense.