If you have 3 kids, is one kid often left out?

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys 2 years apart and then a girl who is 5 years younger than my middle child. Little one is always left out or in her brothers’ way. I can’t even host a play date with another elementary school kid because toddler will cry and tantrum.

[Anonymous]

I was one of three growing up, I'm a girl, in the middle of two boys. Honest, my younger brother and I are very close. So, I think my older brother felt left out, but he also is a very aggressive angry person, and still is to this day, so I am sure that had something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

No. I have 4, and before #4 came along, the oldest LOVED being around #3. To this day they are very close. He always let her wreck his toys, crash his parties, hang out with his friends. He had so much patience for her. I would pull her away when I felt like they needed "big kid time."

#2 never felt left out, but she and #1 had different friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have 4, and before #4 came along, the oldest LOVED being around #3. To this day they are very close. He always let her wreck his toys, crash his parties, hang out with his friends. He had so much patience for her. I would pull her away when I felt like they needed "big kid time."

#2 never felt left out, but she and #1 had different friends.

It is my middle who gets upset with the youngest. Oldest is generally more patient and doesn’t get upset at the little one.

[Anonymous]

I think this is more about your age spread than the fact that you have three kids. My spacing is 2-3 years each and we don't really have this issue, but my sibling is six years older than me - we never really played together or interacted much growing up (much closer as adults than as kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have 4, and before #4 came along, the oldest LOVED being around #3. To this day they are very close. He always let her wreck his toys, crash his parties, hang out with his friends. He had so much patience for her. I would pull her away when I felt like they needed "big kid time."

#2 never felt left out, but she and #1 had different friends.

It is my middle who gets upset with the youngest. Oldest is generally more patient and doesn’t get upset at the little one.

I have a big gap between the first two and the second two, so that may have contributed to the two oldest patience levels with #3.

[Anonymous]

3 girls, 2-2.5 years apart. Older two still tend to stick together even though younger two are closer in age (by a few months). That said, they are still close enough that sometimes they all play (or fight) together.

When I try playdates for #1 it's always #2 crying and tantruming about not being allowed to crash the fun because she's used to playing with #1.

[Anonymous]

Your spread and gender balance was the household I grew up in plus a brother who was 4 years younger. My baby book describes me as a terror to my older brothers. I always wanted to play with them and their toys and they wanted nothing to do with me. It makes sense to me, what 7 year old wants to play with their 2 year old sister? I am sure I destroyed their legos and whatever else that they were building. Toddlers are not known for being careful with toys. As we got older my Mom made them include me in things, like backyard sports.

I do not remember playing with my younger brother, apparently I was annoyed to have a brother and asked the eldest to use his magic wand and turn the youngest into a girl.

I get along fine with all of my siblings. I wouldn’t say that we are super close but I talk to all of them regularly and make an effort to see them. I know all of my nieces and nephews and attend am there to support them.

[Anonymous]

I'm the youngest of 3 and remember feeling left out very often when I was little. I agree with PPs that it's mostly because my older siblings didn't have anything in common with me when I was little (toys, tv shows, activities, school) but now that we are all adults we are close. My older siblings are 3 years apart and I'm 4 years apart from my middle sibling.

DH is the oldest in his family of 3 children and it's boy, boy, girl. His sister, to this day, feels left out. DH is close with his brother and they were always in the same sports and activities. His sister is 7 years younger than him and 4 years younger than his brother.

[Anonymous]

I was the oldest of 3 and it was constantly 2 on 1, and the composition of who was in what role changed almost daily. My sis and I would gang up on my brother and then my brother and sister would gang up on me, and then my brother and I would join forces against my sister.

I kind of feel sorry for my mom now, after typing that. We were kind of dicks.

[Anonymous]

No. Fortunately, both DDs full-time Pony Clubbers. DW oversaw them. DS multi-sports more-than-full-time. I took care of him.

[Anonymous]

Depends on age gaps, genders and whether the oldest is naturally the one left out by those factors (s/he has more power to make sure that doesn’t happen if s/he cares and more options if s/he doesn’t, while an outlier youngest is more likely to get screwed).

[Anonymous]

You need to entertain the toddler. Its not fair to expect the older boys to want to be her babysitter.

[Anonymous]

I’m the youngest of 3 (boy, boy, girl). I remember a lot of fighting growing up. It made me really good at dealing with difficult personalities, defusing situations and knowing how to not be pushed around. We are all great friends now. Just raise your kids to be good people and it’ll all shake out in the end.

[Anonymous]

It will be because of gender that she will be left out. Her whole life long. It just is. It's mostly that you are "choosing" to worry about being "left out". Don't frame it that way. She is different. She will have a life path different from her brothers. Because, yes, I think gender matters.