Feel like I am not the best mom to 2

[Anonymous]

Older DC is 4 and the baby is 7 months. I love them both dearly but feel like sometimes I suck as a mom to two kids vs one. I am just so much more tired the second time around and don’t feel like I am as “into” it with the baby as I was the first time around. I have so much less patience, and I usually take out my frustration on the older one since of course the baby is just a baby.

I am not a huge fan of the baby stage, probably because both my kids were so hard- colic, reflux, poor sleepers, clingy, etc. The older one is so much better now and I love hanging out with her, but the baby is still very needy and takes up a ton of my time. The age gap is hard right now too so DH and I are always dividing and conquering and I end up with the baby 75% of the time since babies are not DH’s strong suit. It feel like I spend all day trying to feed the baby, get her to nap, try to entertain her and then repeat.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I alone here? I don’t for a second regret having #2 - she absolutely completes our family and is so sweet and loving. I just feel like I was a better parent to just one child at a time.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure you're not alone. My first year of being a SAHD our oldest was about 12 months when I stopped working. He was fun and easy to travel with...we had such a great year. Then along came his sibling and I felt like I sucked at most everything. Hang in there. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

What you are going through is very normal. The second child usually gets less attention and parents are more stressed. They do seem to learn more quickly by watching older siblings though.

Hang in there! You are a great mom, just overwhelmed with two demanding aged kids.

[Anonymous]

You're in the thick of it and you yourself said you don't like infants. That's ok. You don't have to like every stage. With number 2 you know what you have to get through to the age where your first is. Just be cognizant and as fair as you can be.
I didn't love the 0-12 month stage with my oldest and dreading it with my second. I'm just not a baby person. Post 12 months and even more post 18 I was much more into my kid.
And as you will recall it does change and fast. Hang in there. Try to spend more time with your oldest too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are going through is very normal. The second child usually gets less attention and parents are more stressed. They do seem to learn more quickly by watching older siblings though.

Hang in there! You are a great mom, just overwhelmed with two demanding aged kids.

Adding, it will get much easier as both get older. You will also eventually be able to carve out one onone time for each child.

[Anonymous]

Oh definitely! I felt that way too. And my kids were tough too, horrible sleepers, clingy to me, it was frustrating and so frequently felt like drudgery. And let me tell you, I wanted to (and still do, years out from my kids being babies) smack anyone who told me, "cherish every minute! They grow up so fast." Hey even more pressure! Because I wasn't enjoying every minute and then felt guilty for it.

But like everyone else has said, it'll get better! Honestly 7 months sucked. 8 months sucked too. I think my second was turning one before I really started to turn the corner and things calmed down and I enjoyed it a lot more.

[Anonymous]

I found this stage the hardest. Infants - you expect it to be hard, people help, you power through.

But at 6 months you have been powering through for a long time and it feels like there is so much to go! But I promise it will go faster than you think, so hang in there. Prioritize sleep for you, keep letting cleaning slide, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need a break. Get a babysitter for a day, sleep, meet up with a friend, do something other than kids.

You are doing fine! Your feelings are totally normal.