How to shut this down politely

[Anonymous]

My son is friends with a boy who lives on our block. They are both 9 and get along well. From time to time, I have to deal with this boy's mom, and I find her very unpleasant. She has something bad or negative to say about other kids our neighborhood. I have tried responding "he seems nice to me," or "she has always been nice to DS," but none of this seems to shut it down. I am tired of this line of conversation, but don't want to be rude. Is there a way that I can politely put an end to her efforts to gossip about other kids?

[Anonymous]

She sounds clueless. Just be direct and clear.

[Anonymous]

“Darla I’m not a fan of talking badly about other kids. Can we talk about something else?”

Be direct.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let the conversations go on so long. The boys can play together, doesn’t mean you have time to chat with her. Keep it moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is friends with a boy who lives on our block. They are both 9 and get along well. From time to time, I have to deal with this boy's mom, and I find her very unpleasant. She has something bad or negative to say about other kids our neighborhood. I have tried responding "he seems nice to me," or "she has always been nice to DS," but none of this seems to shut it down. I am tired of this line of conversation, but don't want to be rude. Is there a way that I can politely put an end to her efforts to gossip about other kids?

You have to be blunt with these types of people. I would say, when she starts, " I'm not comfortable gossiping about children". You know she is gossiping about your son to others so I wpuld shut it down. Keep repeating. If she drops you and your son. Be prepared.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom in my neighborhood like this, always stirring the pot and speaking badly about other people's kids.

My advice? Back away and fade out. Today.

If she is talking to you about other people's kids, then she is talking to them about your child, too. Your child isn't immune to her negativity, rest assured. My child didn't need this noise, and neither did I. Just cut her off. You do not need to explain why. The kids are almost to the age where they do not need their mothers actively managing their play dates. Let the kids look each other up and play outside.

[Anonymous]

^^ them = other parents ^^

[Anonymous]

“Darla I’m not a fan of talking badly about other kids. Can we talk about something else?”

I think you mean Larla, don't you?

[Anonymous]

If she is talking to you about other people's kids, then she is talking to them about your child, too. Your child isn't immune to her negativity, rest assured.

I thought about this issue, but don't care. DS is well-liked around the neighborhood, and it wouldn't matter. But I don't want to be involved in conversations about other people's kids that are mean-spirited.

[Anonymous]

If you're not able or willing to tell her to cut it out without mincing words then consider yourself part of the problem. This isn't brain surgery , it can't be that hard to tell someone ' hey look I'm not in the habit of gossiping about other people's kids who have seemingly done nothing'. It's not that hard ,really .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Darla I’m not a fan of talking badly about other kids. Can we talk about something else?”

I think you mean Larla, don't you?

No. I meant Darla. Larla is the daughter. Larlo would be the son.

[Anonymous]

I would go with the pause and non sequiter approach.

Her: Larlo down the street is so mean
You: (pause) I hope it doesn’t rain today.
Her: No but Larlo is just mean.
You: My sister just graduated college and I am so proud!

Telling her to knock it off or defending the various kids just feeds into her nonsense. And it’s hard to get mad when you are trying to think up super random things to say next!

[Anonymous]

I would go with the pause and non sequiter approach.

Her: Larlo down the street is so mean
You: (pause) I hope it doesn’t rain today.
Her: No but Larlo is just mean.
You: My sister just graduated college and I am so proud!

Telling her to knock it off or defending the various kids just feeds into her nonsense. And it’s hard to get mad when you are trying to think up super random things to say next!

Thanks, this is a great suggestion. I'll try it!