Losing longtime nanny
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Anonymous
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Does anyone have experience with a long time nanny leaving? How did you tell your kids and how did you handle the transition?
My kids are 8 and 5 and we have had the same nanny since my oldest was 3 months old. We love her dearly and she is part of the family. We have kept her even though our kids are in school full time because she wanted to stay with us and was willing to do extras like light cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, etc. DH and I also work full time and fairly long hours with some travel so she has been an important constant for them. She just told us she is moving back to her home country in 6 weeks to be with her mom who is ill. DH and I are devastated, but it’s nothing compared to how our kids will take this. Our oldest is really sensitive and has made comments over the last couple years about how she can never leave. Do we tell them now, or do we wait until closer to when she leaves? Should we involve them in choosing the new nanny. So sad! |
Anonymous
| We're moving and leaving behind our nanny of 7 years, which is a bit different, but I would tell your kids now. They're old enough to understand and most likely your nanny will want to do some things with them "for the last time". She also offered to facetime with them, which will help. |
Anonymous
| We made a photo book of our kids with their nanny of 5 years when she moved - with a copy for her and a copy for us. We have sent birthday videos over the years and at the beginning we did go back to visit (only from MD to VA - too far for everyday commute but not too far for a weekend visit). Would your family make a plan to visit her in her country at some point? Tell the kids and start making plans together for some special going away projects, photos, etc. |
Anonymous
| 8 and 5 why in the world would you get a new nanny |
Anonymous
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Just tell them, and let them be sad (or not care, or however they feel). It's okay to have negative feelings. I'd wait until it's two weeks out - six weeks is a long time for an 8 yr old and too long for a 5 yr old to understand really.
Explain her mom is sick and not going to get better, and nanny needs to spend time with her before she can't. |
Anonymous
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Before you tell them, you need to rein in your "we are devastated but nothing like kids will be." You don't know that your kids will be devastated, all you are accomplishing is to freak them out with your reaction. As always, parents overreact and project and kids feed off of their reactions. Your kids might be fine if you take a level headed approach to this. Which you won't since you are already panicked. My kids had 3 nannies, all awesome and great. Each change was not a big deal to them as they were young, didn't have such insane long term memory and were more independent with each change. I am not overtly emotional person, and I don't cry about change in front of the kids. This is a perfect opportunity to emphasize to your kids that they are big now and don't need a nanny full time.
But, even if I was harsh about you overreaction regarding your kids... you are losing a helper, a nanny and it sounds like a friend? You are rightfully devastated and heart broken and worried about the future without her. Just don't burden your kids with your sadness. And don't lie to them, just be honest. As for you, hugs, it is hard losing a nanny that is awesome. My oldest was also super sensitive and it always worked out just fine. |
Anonymous
OP just said that she and her DH travel a lot, and they need a trusted caregiver for those times... not to mention any before/after school needs, summers, etc. |
Anonymous
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OP, our situation is a little different, but we are facing the same situation. We'll lose our nanny early next year when our youngest is a little over 3. She started with us when he was 2 months old, and I just can't imagine anyone else filling her shoes.
Our oldest will be 5.5 -- so he was already 2.5 when she came into our lives. I would wait another week or two, and give your kids a heads-up about a month out. In my situation, I'll tell my 5-year-old maybe 2-3 weeks out, as I'm sure he'll blab the news to his brother. |
Anonymous
+1. If you can afford the care, why not? |
Anonymous
Agreed! The above poster probably sticks their kids in before/aftercare... |
Anonymous
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At 8 and 5, I would definitely tell them now and give them time to process the change. Six weeks isn't far away and kids are more resilient than you think.
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Anonymous
| I think that your kids will be a lot less upset that you think they will be. |
Anonymous
I disagree completely if the children are bonded to the nanny. The kids would have to be psychopaths not to be upset that the person who loved and cared for them all their lives suddenly disappeared! |