Women in their 30s who have never been in a relationship

[Anonymous]

There is a woman I'm interested in who is 35 and has never been in a relationship. She is fit, attractive, good job, and by all accounts seems put together. She admits to being both shy and introverted. I know she went to a Catholic high school but a public university. She doesn't seem to be super religious today, but I know it's common for that Catholic guilt to carry with people for their entire lives. I have no idea if she's a virgin.

She flirts with me and I've asked her out before. When I did that, she told me that she's shy, never been in a relationship, and wants to take things excruciatingly slow and stay as friends for now. So I completely backed off.

I've recently learned of a potential label for this -- Avoidant Attachment. Do you think that's what this is? Any advice for how to proceed other than continuing to back off and give her a ton of space?

At the same time, I realize I am just setting myself up for disappointment. Should she ever come around and we did start dating, she likely has no idea what to do in one. And her first relationship would not be her forever one. I know that.

[Anonymous]

I didn't date till my 20's, so younger but I never found anyone I was remotely interested in....till my husband came along. Cut her some slack and keep trying. Don't move to fast and let her set the pace. Stop googling for a label. Let it happen naturally if its meant to be.

[Anonymous]

she told me that she's shy, never been in a relationship, and wants to take things excruciatingly slow and stay as friends for now.

The ball’s not in your court. Move on.

[Anonymous]

It can be a long, hard slog. Is it worth it? Imagine spending a year on it and nothing comes of it.

[Anonymous]

She sounds asexual

[Anonymous]

Sorry but she’s not into you. Some other guy will be working through this issue with her and most likely marrying her. You were explicitly friend zoned. Move on.
.

[Anonymous]

She's either bat shit crazy, in denial about being gay, or lying to you to spare your feelings. I'd leave her alone, man.

[Anonymous]

And her first relationship would not be her forever one. I know that.

Not necessarily...my first boyfriend was my last, and I started to date him when I was 30.

Maybe my situation is a bit different because I had gone on a few dates before I started to date DH but nothing serious.

She probably is very insecure as well. That was part of my problem.

[Anonymous]

She's a he. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know what friendzoned is and feels like. I've been through that many times before. This is different. She actively flirts with me. Asks me to come see her dress she's worn that day. Combine this with the fact that she has NEVER had a relationship at age 35, and that leads me to believe this is a unique case -- one that I've already admitted I'm not sure is worth pursuing any further.

More than anything is a curiosity about how to reach someone like this, if it's possible. Maybe she just will stay single the rest of her life. Maybe she is actually gay and is conflicted about that because of her upbringing.

[Anonymous]

She will probably give it up once married, and then to get pregnant. After that she will be back to a-sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what friendzoned is and feels like. I've been through that many times before. This is different. She actively flirts with me. Asks me to come see her dress she's worn that day. Combine this with the fact that she has NEVER had a relationship at age 35, and that leads me to believe this is a unique case -- one that I've already admitted I'm not sure is worth pursuing any further.

More than anything is a curiosity about how to reach someone like this, if it's possible. Maybe she just will stay single the rest of her life. Maybe she is actually gay and is conflicted about that because of her upbringing.

She has issues. If she actively flirts with you, and still says no to a date, that's a red flag. And I'm the PP who didn't have a first BF until 30. I didn't even actively flirt with DH at the time.

[Anonymous]

Why not pursue someone who is available? It doesn’t sound like she is, no matter what the reason. I’d just be her buddy and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds asexual

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know what friendzoned is and feels like. I've been through that many times before. This is different. She actively flirts with me. Asks me to come see her dress she's worn that day. Combine this with the fact that she has NEVER had a relationship at age 35, and that leads me to believe this is a unique case -- one that I've already admitted I'm not sure is worth pursuing any further.

More than anything is a curiosity about how to reach someone like this, if it's possible. Maybe she just will stay single the rest of her life. Maybe she is actually gay and is conflicted about that because of her upbringing.

Oh, ok.

SHE IS WEIRD MOVE ON MAN.