Feel like a failure for wanting less stressful, lower paying job

[Anonymous]

DCUM probably isn't the board where people will sympathize, but I'm a late 30s Fed in a stressful supervisory role and I just want to ease back into a lower paying non-supervisory job that doesn't burden me as much. I'm a highly wired and anxious person, so it doesn't take much to take me on a downward depressive spiral. A part of me feels like I'll be a failure and what's more, will regret giving up my role, but I just don't see being able to do this for the next 20 years. I've tried to toughen up, but it's just not me. I'm just not a go-getter like most seem to be on DCUM. I've done the therapy thing, so I think I just need to accept who I am and move on from my role. I could use some support, though not expecting it here, lol.

[Anonymous]

I totally get it and I’m feeling the same way. Life is too short to do this to yourself. Step back and be happier.

[Anonymous]

Life is too short to be miserable.

Contrary to popular belief, I think Fed supervisory roles seem super stressful for minimal extra pay.

Do what you need to do for yourself and don't worry about what people think.

[Anonymous]

I completely get it—no need to be so hard on yourself! Life is short and money isn’t everything, so If I could swing it financially, I’d definitely find a way to move back to the lower-stress role.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Not a failure. I think it's commendable to know your limits and to want to live your life and not have the job stress be all encompassing.
See if you have transition to something less stressful but where you can still be a valued contributor. It's not a DC thing but in many ways a US thing where if you don't grow you die or if you don't move up some ladder you are worthless. Not true. There is room for people to do their jobs well and not strive for management while still respecting that there are people who are strivers and want to manage and move up etc. Just make sure you end up somewhere where you can keep going for 20 years etc and not become a burden and be let go (but that's easier to do in govt. than industry).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short to be miserable.

Contrary to popular belief, I think Fed supervisory roles seem super stressful for minimal extra pay.

Do what you need to do for yourself and don't worry about what people think.

+1 million
I have had supervisory roles in the past. Being in a non-supervisory role is much easier for my personality type, and the work for me, is more fun.

[Anonymous]

I think success is knowing yourself and what you want and going for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think success is knowing yourself and what you want and going for it.

this this this this this

know who you are and what you can do and what makes you happy. so long as you can fulfill your responsibilities and take care of yourself, that is all that matters.

[Anonymous]

This is not uncommon. I know someone who requested to be removed from her branch chief role and was allowed to go back to her regular job. Being a supervisor isn't easy, especially if you have problematic staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not uncommon. I know someone who requested to be removed from her branch chief role and was allowed to go back to her regular job. Being a supervisor isn't easy, especially if you have problematic staff.

Or if you really liked your individual contributor duties and you no longer got to do that because you spend all your time managing people, going to meetings, doing performance reviews, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was a supervisor for a while and I think I was pretty good at it. But the extra stress and work that I needed to take home, taking time away from my family, was simply not worth it. I am much happier as a worker bee. I get it though-- I do sometimes feel like I am "selling myself short" or whatever, but then I think, do I REALLY want the extra work so that I can feel like I am on the correct "career trajectory"? Nope. I really don't. The extra money would be nice but I am comfortable where I am. I think if you decide to move into a different role you won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

You say you've done therapy--have you tried meds? I only ask because it's worth finding out what treatment can do for you, even as adjusting your life may well still be a smart move.

I say this with experience--diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD as an adult, on meds, and looking for a more flexible job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get it and I’m feeling the same way. Life is too short to do this to yourself. Step back and be happier.

+1 I did this. I am in the private sector. I killed my career path, took a huge paycut, but I am much happier. I'm just fortunate that I could do this.

[Anonymous]

Not a failure at all. I actually quit my very stressful marketing job last year because I just couldn't handle the non-stop meetings, travel, working at all hours and constant communication with my team and supervisor. I think I've always had low-level anxiety, which actually fueled me in my career because I was always worried about the quality of my work and impressing everyone. Then I got to the top of my field and realized that basically being married to my job wasn't worth it, the death of a family member also helped put things in perspective. It's not a failure, it's you finally realizing you've had enough. You have one life to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short to be miserable.

Contrary to popular belief, I think Fed supervisory roles seem super stressful for minimal extra pay.

Do what you need to do for yourself and don't worry about what people think.

I totally agree with this, being a team leader is the worst job in government and totally not worth the pittance of extra pay. I have been a non-supervisory GS-14 since 2008, and I have actively avoided being promoted into a supervisory GS-15 (the only upward step available to me in my series and agency). I refuse to apply for those jobs, they would take away all my flexibility and make me miserable.