Why do my children talk to/at me all the time?
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Anonymous
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Not sure if I can get any helpful feedback by posting this, but I've noticed an ongoing scenario now that I'm home most days with my 7, 4 and 2 year old children for the summer that has me questioning what I can do differently or why this occurs so consistently to me. Basically, I've noticed that whenever I'm out visiting friends and having family play dates with my children, my kids are super clingy and talkative and bug me incessantly when I am talking to the other adults. Typically, the other children are off playing and trying to engage my children while my 7 and 4 year old hang around me and try to sit on my lap and hold my hand and tell me about video games and such (my 7 year old). What gives? I spend a lot of time with them, both as a group and individually, and give them my undivided attention frequently throughout the day. Why can't they just leave me alone for the 30-60 minutes a day when we may be socializing with another family?
Same scenario applies when I am on a phone call. I am off work for the summer and feeling frustrated and lonely because my children are acting this way. |
Anonymous
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They want attention when they can't have it. My kid is 3.5 and is totally fine playing by herself. But if I'm having a conversation with dh or on the phone she's there in 2 seconds asking to talk to her and "no mommy talk to me now".
I think on some level kids think you're an extension of them and not an independent person and you there just for them and anything else takes away from that (subconsciously). Curiously my best friends cat is the same way. I've never had a conversation on the phone with her without the cat right up next to the phone also trying to talk to me. |
Anonymous
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I think you can set some general boundaries and specific expectations before an outing to at least improve the situation with the two older ones.
Let the 7 year old know what you are doing, where you are going, that there will be lots of time for chit chatting on the way there and back but that you expect some time for talking to adults and for the 7 year old to play with others when you are out. Explain it's okay to come to you with an emergency or quick question but not otherwise and that you'll give one warning and then ... (whatever and then is that might work and be appropriate for the situation). |
Anonymous
Perhaps the best way to fix it would be to look what is the cause and what is the solution. You probably need to see if the reason for their clinginess is you being too much or too little with them. The way it works is if you are with them all the time and they do not spend much time outside with other kids or in other situation where you are not present each and every time, then they simply can not yet function independently from you. This is a skill they need to learn. If you are not spending enough time with them if you work outside of the home then they might be overly clingy because they don't have enough of you. So you will need to be the judge. If the first situation is the cause you need to try and gradually develop their independence. Do not do it each and every time and everywhere but do step by step. Start with picking up friends house or family home and tell the adults about the plan, you will drop off kids first, let them be there for some time and then you arrive. This will do two things, let kids to be there by themselves but without stress that you won't come, they will know you will come soon, so they will engage with the people in relaxed manner knowing you will be coming soo. Then repeat it in the same place with the same people each time making your arrival later. Untill it is really solidly long and when you know kids are doing fine and they broke ice and are socializing with friends. Soon the will start asking you to take them there. YOu can then repeat the same with other places aand eventually just leave them drop off and come back after the playdate knowing they are doing fine. Phone manners is another story and many people here already provided tips and will provide more. You just need to talk more to kids PRIOR to problems and what is expected and practice little fake calls and praise them for not disturbing and waiting and all. To avoid stress always practice on fake calls, have someone to call you pretend and you work on kids behavior. |
Anonymous
| I love it when I am in a room, talking on the phone, and DD (7) and DS (5) decide that NOW is the time to joyfully play together VERY VERY loudly right next to me. |
Anonymous
| It is still new for them to have you home so much. It will die down eventually. |
Anonymous
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NO, not right now sweetie. x1000.
expect more. they are not in charge, you are. |
Anonymous
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How well do they know the other kids? Is there anything you could set them up with so that they have some kind of fun thing to do with the other kids? Bring a fun game or shareable toy? It can be as simple as your kid showing up with sidewalk chalk and inviting the other kids to draw together.
My suggestion is to focus less on the action you DON"t want, and help facilitate the kids to get to the action you DO want, which is them interacting with the other kids, not you. |
Anonymous
| You’re raising needy selfish children. |
Anonymous
| uh... because you are their MOTHER? |
Anonymous
+1 |