My 4 yo is driving me to the brink with constant interruptions

[Anonymous]

Any time I have a conversation with anyone in the family it’s MOM MOM MOM. It’s so annoying. He does wait if I correct him. But he always has to be corrected. It’s driving me absolutely insane. I’ve actually stopped having conversations with friends and family members because it’s so damn annoying to be interrupted all the time and have to correct. And sometimes I lose my cool too and snap at him to stop interrupting, which isn’t great. Help!

[Anonymous]

Have you tried being proactive as in “Larlo, I’m about to have a conversation with Aunt Midge? First, is there anything you need? And second, if something does come that you need or want to share, remind me what you’ll say.”

Additionally, try interactive modeling with him. Sit down with another person. Say, “So it’s important to know how to ask for something when you see I’m talking with someone else. You and dad talk, and I’ll show what it looks and sounds like.”
Have them talk, and then you model how you want him to interrupt appropriately.
Then ask him, “So what did you see me do? What did I say?”
Keep it in the positive. Refrain from statements like “I didn’t yell.” Instead say, “I used a calm inside voice.”
Then have him practice. Give specific feedback, again stating in the positive: “I noticed you waited until Dad looked at you and said, ‘Larlo did you need something?’”

He’ll get it. Just help him out BEFORE he engages in the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried being proactive as in “Larlo, I’m about to have a conversation with Aunt Midge? First, is there anything you need? And second, if something does come that you need or want to share, remind me what you’ll say.”

Additionally, try interactive modeling with him. Sit down with another person. Say, “So it’s important to know how to ask for something when you see I’m talking with someone else. You and dad talk, and I’ll show what it looks and sounds like.”
Have them talk, and then you model how you want him to interrupt appropriately.
Then ask him, “So what did you see me do? What did I say?”
Keep it in the positive. Refrain from statements like “I didn’t yell.” Instead say, “I used a calm inside voice.”
Then have him practice. Give specific feedback, again stating in the positive: “I noticed you waited until Dad looked at you and said, ‘Larlo did you need something?’”

He’ll get it. Just help him out BEFORE he engages in the behavior.

Maybe I’m using “conversations” too loosely. It’s more like my husband asks where the scissors are and it’s “MOM MOM MOM” as I am saying “in the drawer”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried being proactive as in “Larlo, I’m about to have a conversation with Aunt Midge? First, is there anything you need? And second, if something does come that you need or want to share, remind me what you’ll say.”

Additionally, try interactive modeling with him. Sit down with another person. Say, “So it’s important to know how to ask for something when you see I’m talking with someone else. You and dad talk, and I’ll show what it looks and sounds like.”
Have them talk, and then you model how you want him to interrupt appropriately.
Then ask him, “So what did you see me do? What did I say?”
Keep it in the positive. Refrain from statements like “I didn’t yell.” Instead say, “I used a calm inside voice.”
Then have him practice. Give specific feedback, again stating in the positive: “I noticed you waited until Dad looked at you and said, ‘Larlo did you need something?’”

He’ll get it. Just help him out BEFORE he engages in the behavior.

Maybe I’m using “conversations” too loosely. It’s more like my husband asks where the scissors are and it’s “MOM MOM MOM” as I am saying “in the drawer”.

Why are you even answering them? Ignore them both. Go into another room

[Anonymous]

I taught mine to lay a hand on my arm if they need my attention, then I would put my hand on top of theirs to signal that I am aware of them waiting patiently and they are next in line for my attention. We talk about it a few times a day out of the moment (meaning like when they wake up or over breakfast or in the car, not at a time when they are shouting for attention) until they get it enough that it becomes their default way of getting attention.

[Anonymous]

I am in the exact same boat, OP. My DH and I are at our wits end. No advice, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught mine to lay a hand on my arm if they need my attention, then I would put my hand on top of theirs to signal that I am aware of them waiting patiently and they are next in line for my attention. We talk about it a few times a day out of the moment (meaning like when they wake up or over breakfast or in the car, not at a time when they are shouting for attention) until they get it enough that it becomes their default way of getting attention.

We do almost the same thing.

[Anonymous]

He's four. Your expectation are too high.

This too will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's four. Your expectation are too high.

This too will pass.

Disagree. You should set expectations now, but expect that he won't be able to comply for a while. And not without a lot of good modeling and practice. We also use the hand on arm technique, and I place my hand on top of DD's to let her know that I "hear" her and will respond to her next. We were recently with friends whose 7yo was still interrupting constantly while adults were conversing and the parents responded to it every time. It's unpleasant for everyone and you can help your 4yo do better in this area. (We also learned that we had to stop interrupting each other as well, so it's been good training for everyone in the house!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's four. Your expectation are too high.

This too will pass.

Disagree. You should set expectations now, but expect that he won't be able to comply for a while. And not without a lot of good modeling and practice. We also use the hand on arm technique, and I place my hand on top of DD's to let her know that I "hear" her and will respond to her next. We were recently with friends whose 7yo was still interrupting constantly while adults were conversing and the parents responded to it every time. It's unpleasant for everyone and you can help your 4yo do better in this area. (We also learned that we had to stop interrupting each other as well, so it's been good training for everyone in the house!)

This. I thought my 5-yo would never be done with this stage, but somehow kept doing the hand-on-arm and encouraged her to raise her hand, as if she's in school. Last night, for probably the first time ever, she actually raised her hand and patiently waited for at least 2-3 minutes while we talked!

[Anonymous]

Similar to the hand on the arm, I find making eye contact and saying "just a moment" to my DD while holding up my hand, or taking her hand, helps immensely. They have a hard time knowing if you HEARD THEM, so taking a second to acknowledge them, finish your thought, then I turn to her and say "yes darling, what do you need?" when I can give her my full attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught mine to lay a hand on my arm if they need my attention, then I would put my hand on top of theirs to signal that I am aware of them waiting patiently and they are next in line for my attention. We talk about it a few times a day out of the moment (meaning like when they wake up or over breakfast or in the car, not at a time when they are shouting for attention) until they get it enough that it becomes their default way of getting attention.

This. I am a kindergarten teacher and our students sound like your son OP. We teach them to do this too. Start doing it now because it really shouldn't be a teacher's job to teach this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught mine to lay a hand on my arm if they need my attention, then I would put my hand on top of theirs to signal that I am aware of them waiting patiently and they are next in line for my attention. We talk about it a few times a day out of the moment (meaning like when they wake up or over breakfast or in the car, not at a time when they are shouting for attention) until they get it enough that it becomes their default way of getting attention.

We do something similar.

I put my hand gently on his arm to acknowledge him (w/o breaking my conversation with friend/DH/siblings) and then hold up 2 fingers for "I need 2 minutes to finish talking or listening to my friend/DH/sibling" and then after like 30 seconds the 2 fingers go down to 1 finger indicating 1 more minute (which is really like 10 more seconds) until I anticipate a natural break in conversation.

[Anonymous]

could be ADHD if s/he's interrupts everyone all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:could be ADHD if s/he's interrupts everyone all the time.

Or she could be a 4 year old. ADHD for an interrupting 4 year old? Come on now. This is like a parody of DCUM.