Protecting DS from DH's mental health

[Anonymous]

Not sure where to post this. My DH has issues with anger and anxiety. He is not physically abusive, but has some type of manic disorder - bipolar or something along those lines, though his disorder would definitely be considered mild with a label like that. He is normally a good father and a good employee. But he gets obsessed with things, especially my son's sports, and it is not controlled. My son got a really bad injury that has taken him out for the summer (while playing with DH). I know logically that kids get hurt playing sports sometimes, but I can't help feeling like the injury was because DH was pushing him (mentally, not physically). Now DH is on a tear about how DS needs to be practicing despite the fact that he is on crutches. Yesterday afternoon my son was in tears, and my husband basically followed me around the house for about two hours, complaining that my son won't practice enough (again, he's on crutches) and then it led to 1000 other issues that are all mine to fix -- too much video games, not enough reading, I haven't signed our daughter up for the soccer camp he wants her to attend (my parents will be in town), etc. There is no fighting back when he is in a mood like this, I just have to listen to him rant until he goes to sleep. It is frightening and exhausting. My question is this: how do I protect my son from this? I don't want him to be a victim of what is essentially a manic episode from a dad who is usually a good dad.

[Anonymous]

Therapy. I don't know how else you solve something like this. I'm so sorry you are dealing with it. It sounds scary and really sad for the kids.

[Anonymous]

I would leave the house with the kids.

[Anonymous]

PS: by your own account, he injured your son through pushing him too hard, and is now harassing him to continue practicing despite the injury. that is abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would leave the house with the kids.

+1 and insist he go to counseling? That sort of thing needs professional help.

[Anonymous]

suggest talking to your pediatrician about the push to practice while on crutches (and that it isn't your DS's idea). Then come back to DH armed with ped's response and push him to go to therapy.

And yes -- your DH does need therapy. Most of what you do to 'protect' your DS from these episodes will be for nothing if your DH doesn't get into therapy. This wont miraculously disappear (though if he has a lot of stress right now, they could decrease, but only temporarily because the underlying issues weren't addressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would leave the house with the kids.

Sometimes a worse solution if the father exercises his right to unsupervised visitation. I am in this position with my husband. I am staying only so he doesn’t get unsupervised visitation while our kids are young.

Insist on seeing a therapist together. Let the therapist tell him he needs individual therapy. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like BPD which is a nightmare to live with. Therapy for all, individual and family; I'd make it a condition of staying together.
And yes, leave the house, none of you deserve to be subjected to this abuse which very well could escalate one day.
Read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Paul Mason, it was life changing for me.

[Anonymous]

Unless your kids are really pushing you for the sports, I'd pull the kids from team sports and focus on other physical activities like hiking. Something your husband can't get worked up about at least until he has his mental health under control.