Acting silly on purpose & follower

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old son is always happy & smiley. He rarely cries even when he was a baby. According to his daycare teachers, he is a silly boy that likes to act silly sometimes on purpose with big smile to get attention, but overall he behaves well. I am concerned about his silliness & likes to be a follower.

My concerns are he sometimes loves to act silly in public. Based on my observation, he often does it when there are other kids there that he wants to play with. And, another concern is he loves to follow other kids behavior's, including good & bad ones. If he sees a kid laughing at a crying kid, he does the same thing. If he sees a kid runs around in library, he would do the same things as well till the other kid stops running. He is often labeled as a bad behaved, silly, hyperactive at family gathering. He does not act like these at home and I hate myself have to try my best not to be super angry to yell at him in public.

Any tips to tackle all these behavior? Would he outgrow these behavior once he gets older? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

This description fits my DS to the T. DS is 5 and it’s beginning to become a major problem. He can be quite funny but doesn’t know when to stop and after a while the silliness/ funny thing he was doing becomes annoying. I was hoping he would grow out of it but he hasn’t. He also tends to be a follower of good & bad behavior too. I have tried ignoring the silliness and ask others not to laugh so as not to encourage him With limited success. I also keep talking to him about not copying bad behavior and follow through on consequences but it’s not really working.

So I don’t really have any advice but just to let you know I emphasize with you. I’m also interested in hearing what has worked for others with similar kids.

[Anonymous]

He's 4.

[Anonymous]

Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Only one thing comes my mind, here. Uncle Buck:

“ I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good.”

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with the kid being silly, even intentionally silly to gain the attention of an adult or other kids. There is nothing wrong with the fact that they don't know when to stop, he is 4. My 7 year old doesn't always know when to stop. He knows that he is getting attention, people are laughing at him, he is playing with someone and that makes him happy. So keep it up. We do tell him that it is time to stop and know that we will have to remind him that it is no longer time to be silly. Because he is 7 and he is learning and he is a pretty normal kid.

So be prepared to tell your child to stop, gently at first. Let them know that you had fun but it is now time to stop the game. Reinforce with "we are past the time to play that, we are doing this now." Rinse and repeat.

He was having fun and wants to keep having fun and activity X allowed him to have fun so he is going to return to it. That is normal. It takes a while to learn when it is time to stop. He doesn't have the same off trigger that an adult has, it takes longer for things to change. But we can divert him with "can you help Mom in the kitchen" or "get a book and we can read."

Following other kids is normal. My son is one who is well behaved and chill but loves getting goofy with the other kids. He will follow their lead but he is pretty good about stopping when I told to stop. Sometimes it takes a few reminders and there is whining because he is 7. And the other kids are climbing on the tables playing tag so why shouldn't he because that looks like fun. It is normal that he would be disappointed that he isn't allowed to do something that I deem inappropriate when other kids are being allowed to do it. I will tell him that we don't play on tables, tables are meant for eating and writing and that I do not get to make the rules for other parents. They have to enforce their rules for their kids. It is ok for him to be disappointed but such is life.

[Anonymous]

My DS, 5 years old, is a lot like this. He really is pretty funny. I am also an early-childhood teacher. My DH and I just remind DS to do what he knows feels right in his heart and mind and we have had talks about being a leader. As for the silliness, that is fine, unless it is a group time, like circle time at school, book reading at the library, or listening to his soccer coaches instructions. We think it is extremely important to listen respectfully so we are firm on those times and then hands can be silly lots of other times.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but my kid is like this and his teachers complained about it quite a lot during the school year. DS is in K and would act silly/goof around during group meetings or other activities. Classmates find it funny and laugh which encourages him and he doesn’t always stop when asked to.

Would love to hear tips from others where the silliness/ copying bad behavior became problematic and tips fur solving other than to keep talking to DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but my kid is like this and his teachers complained about it quite a lot during the school year. DS is in K and would act silly/goof around during group meetings or other activities. Classmates find it funny and laugh which encourages him and he doesn’t always stop when asked to.

Would love to hear tips from others where the silliness/ copying bad behavior became problematic and tips fur solving other than to keep talking to DC

We reward DS, 7, for his effort scores on his report card. 3 and above means he can choose a special activity (movie, bowling, whatever) or a restaurant to eat at. Anything below that in any subject and no special treat. We also were quick to respond when his teacher sent a note home. We reminded him that he needed to listen to his teacher and follow the class rules. If he finishes his work early, then he needs to double check his work and then find something quiet to do.

We have been lucky so far, DS is pretty well behaved and more of a listener then a mover and motion maker. My friends who have kids that get far more notes have set up reward charts for their kids, 5 greens (no notes) = a treat. Note home = loss of a privilege. One has been prevented from going to some special events because of too many notes. I know that the kids talk about doing better and have had some success, the number of notes have declined, but it is not a cure all.

Young kids are young kids, most don't sit still or understand why they need to be quiet and pay attention. They don't have the ability to switch from activity to activity as quickly as adults, it is a learned skill. But that means positive and negative reinforcements at home.

Set up a parent teacher conference if the same behavior is happening next year and try and come up with a solution together. Tell the teacher you are willing to implement a behavior chart at home and set one up for the classroom if the teacher is ok with that. I know kids who had daily reports sent home with a simple great day or a distracting by talking, making jokes, or whatever. It gave the kid something to focus on daily and allowed the parents to reinforce what the teacher is saying at home.

[Anonymous]

lol he's 4.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he has SN. Does he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he has SN. Does he?

what? this sounds like many 4 yos, including my own DS when he was that age. what in there points to SN?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but my kid is like this and his teachers complained about it quite a lot during the school year. DS is in K and would act silly/goof around during group meetings or other activities. Classmates find it funny and laugh which encourages him and he doesn’t always stop when asked to.

Would love to hear tips from others where the silliness/ copying bad behavior became problematic and tips fur solving other than to keep talking to DC

We reward DS, 7, for his effort scores on his report card. 3 and above means he can choose a special activity (movie, bowling, whatever) or a restaurant to eat at. Anything below that in any subject and no special treat. We also were quick to respond when his teacher sent a note home. We reminded him that he needed to listen to his teacher and follow the class rules. If he finishes his work early, then he needs to double check his work and then find something quiet to do.

We have been lucky so far, DS is pretty well behaved and more of a listener then a mover and motion maker. My friends who have kids that get far more notes have set up reward charts for their kids, 5 greens (no notes) = a treat. Note home = loss of a privilege. One has been prevented from going to some special events because of too many notes. I know that the kids talk about doing better and have had some success, the number of notes have declined, but it is not a cure all.

Young kids are young kids, most don't sit still or understand why they need to be quiet and pay attention. They don't have the ability to switch from activity to activity as quickly as adults, it is a learned skill. But that means positive and negative reinforcements at home.

Set up a parent teacher conference if the same behavior is happening next year and try and come up with a solution together. Tell the teacher you are willing to implement a behavior chart at home and set one up for the classroom if the teacher is ok with that. I know kids who had daily reports sent home with a simple great day or a distracting by talking, making jokes, or whatever. It gave the kid something to focus on daily and allowed the parents to reinforce what the teacher is saying at home.

Thanks very helpful