Husband acts indifferent

[Anonymous]

We are trying to conceive baby number 1. I have PCOS so I’ve been taking Femara and a trigger shot each month (this is only 2nd medicated cycle). Whenever I mention anything TTC related, my husband acts indifferently, or worse, mean. He says all I talk about is TTC, which is not true because I’ve made a conscious decision NOT to do that. He also rolls his eyes, etc . Due to this behavior, I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to keep trying and he tells me yes, but I just don’t understand where this attitude is coming from. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or what, but my feelings are hurt. I feel like he’s not in this with me. Has anyone BTDT? Not sure what I’m looking for... I guess I just needed to vent somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to be melodramatic, but if he’s indifferent or mean when you’re TTC about TTC, it may be time to take a step back and take a break from TTC. This would be a big red flag for me and honestly I’d be reconsidering whether to have kids with him at all. It may be devastating, but much easier to end it now before you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be melodramatic, but if he’s indifferent or mean when you’re TTC about TTC, it may be time to take a step back and take a break from TTC. This would be a big red flag for me and honestly I’d be reconsidering whether to have kids with him at all. It may be devastating, but much easier to end it now before you have kids.

OP here. Yes, I’m seriously considering taking a break from TTC. When I tell him this, he says that’s not what he wants. I’m so confused. We’re still pretty young (28) so there’s plenty of time to TTC, but who knows how long it will take. I’m just so lost and hurt right now. He completely denies having an attitude problem regarding TTC, so it’s impossible to talk to him about it.

[Anonymous]

If you weren’t regularly talking about TTC, how would you be observing this as a pattern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be melodramatic, but if he’s indifferent or mean when you’re TTC about TTC, it may be time to take a step back and take a break from TTC. This would be a big red flag for me and honestly I’d be reconsidering whether to have kids with him at all. It may be devastating, but much easier to end it now before you have kids.

OP here. Yes, I’m seriously considering taking a break from TTC. When I tell him this, he says that’s not what he wants. I’m so confused. We’re still pretty young (28) so there’s plenty of time to TTC, but who knows how long it will take. I’m just so lost and hurt right now. He completely denies having an attitude problem regarding TTC, so it’s impossible to talk to him about it.

Maybe see a counselor? This sounds like it’s not just about TTC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t regularly talking about TTC, how would you be observing this as a pattern?

When I give him quick updates such as when I have doctors appointment, scans, blood work, etc. I’m told I’m trying too hard. That “it will happen when it happens”. Of course I’m trying hard. That’s the point of us seeing a fertility specialist and taking fertility medications. The thing is, I’m very laid back about the whole thing. When I got a BFN last month I just shrugged and said onto the next month.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s feeling stressed/pressure? I know it’s a bit unfair because you’re going through much more than him, but he
might be dealing with his own anxieties about it. A lot of guys get stressed about these things. A not insignificant percentage can’t even perform when the time of the month comes around from some studies I’ve seen. If you’re feeling very generous, you could try just not talking about it at all. That would be hard for me though because I like discussing everything with my husband.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been trying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are trying to conceive baby number 1. I have PCOS so I’ve been taking Femara and a trigger shot each month (this is only 2nd medicated cycle). Whenever I mention anything TTC related, my husband acts indifferently, or worse, mean. He says all I talk about is TTC, which is not true because I’ve made a conscious decision NOT to do that. He also rolls his eyes, etc . Due to this behavior, I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to keep trying and he tells me yes, but I just don’t understand where this attitude is coming from. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or what, but my feelings are hurt. I feel like he’s not in this with me. Has anyone BTDT? Not sure what I’m looking for... I guess I just needed to vent somewhere.

You might want to read about characteristics of Aspeger's husbands and if he fits the profile then you might have your answer and more questions and more answers. I would suggest you do it to make sure you are entirely comfortable with what is coming if he is on Spectrum. I am currently
trying to help someone to cope with their situation and I could never imagine what amazing challenge it is to be married to someone and to parent with someone who is on the Spectrum. It is not impossible and has some joys but overall great challenge that you might prepare yourself for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t regularly talking about TTC, how would you be observing this as a pattern?

When I give him quick updates such as when I have doctors appointment, scans, blood work, etc. I’m told I’m trying too hard. That “it will happen when it happens”. Of course I’m trying hard. That’s the point of us seeing a fertility specialist and taking fertility medications. The thing is, I’m very laid back about the whole thing. When I got a BFN last month I just shrugged and said onto the next month.

So in other words you’re pursuing interventions and he doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are trying to conceive baby number 1. I have PCOS so I’ve been taking Femara and a trigger shot each month (this is only 2nd medicated cycle). Whenever I mention anything TTC related, my husband acts indifferently, or worse, mean. He says all I talk about is TTC, which is not true because I’ve made a conscious decision NOT to do that. He also rolls his eyes, etc . Due to this behavior, I’ve asked him multiple times if he wants to keep trying and he tells me yes, but I just don’t understand where this attitude is coming from. I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or what, but my feelings are hurt. I feel like he’s not in this with me. Has anyone BTDT? Not sure what I’m looking for... I guess I just needed to vent somewhere.

Talking from own experience, this may not change. It’s great that you found out early.

[Anonymous]

If you can do this financially, I would freeze eggs. And then consider whether this is the marriage for you. You're young - find someone who is more emotionally generous.

[Anonymous]

My friend went through this. They are divorced and never had a kid. Not a good sign, OP. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is just being a typical man. He wants kids, but wants to do it the old fashioned fun way, which unfortunately isn't always how it goes.
Unfortunately, we (women) become obsessed with the process. This doc said this, another girl tried that, etc and we often talk about it all with the one person we feel should be most interested. But they aren't. They are men and are wired differently.
Take a step back and be conscious of what you talk about, how it affects your mood, etc. Consider for a minute that maybe you are solely focused on TTC and missing other stuff going on around you.
These people talking divorce shouldn't be married. He isn't doing anything wrong other than responding different from how you want. You might have to change your method of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is just being a typical man. He wants kids, but wants to do it the old fashioned fun way, which unfortunately isn't always how it goes.
Unfortunately, we (women) become obsessed with the process. This doc said this, another girl tried that, etc and we often talk about it all with the one person we feel should be most interested. But they aren't. They are men and are wired differently.
Take a step back and be conscious of what you talk about, how it affects your mood, etc. Consider for a minute that maybe you are solely focused on TTC and missing other stuff going on around you.
These people talking divorce shouldn't be married. He isn't doing anything wrong other than responding different from how you want. You might have to change your method of communication.