Do more people overestimate or underestimate their parenting skills?

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure if I’ll get this question across well enough to say what I actually mean. I’ve been really doubting myself as a parent recently. I’ve gotten a few responses to a post on here that I must be a failure of a parent with people agreeing. Yes, I know it’s DCUM but maybe I am. But maybe these people are vastly overestimating their own parenting skills and overgeneralizing that how they approach situations is objectively the best way.

I started thinking...there are people out there who are doing just fine but think they’re failing miserably and there are also (the same number? More? Fewer?) people out there who think they have it all figured out and are killing the parenting game but are not really.

Which brings me to my next question. How can we objectively know how we’re doing? I guess it’s the whole nature vs. nurture debate.

I think I’m doing pretty well day to day. I have my good days and my bad days like the majority of parents (I think?). But when I think about it, it all seems so high stakes if nurture really holds more weight than nature.

So where do you think most people fall—do they overestimate or underestimate how well they’re doing as parents?

[Anonymous]

Two interesting things to read on the topic: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/06/opinion/sunday/overconfidence-men-women.html about the research and https://programs.clearerthinking.org/overconfidence_analyzer.html#.XQq4gLxKjIV to test yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a matter of being honest with yourself, combined with a bit of knowledge (child development, child psychology, etc.).

I know what parts of parenting I'm awesome at and what parts I'm weak on.

[Anonymous]

I always feel like I’m not quite “enough” as a parent. I’m utterly perplexed by people who seem confident as parents (and yeah, I’ve read a library of parenting/child development books). But parents can’t be perfect, kids aren’t programmable robots, and it never hurts to keep trying to be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I’m not quite “enough” as a parent. I’m utterly perplexed by people who seem confident as parents (and yeah, I’ve read a library of parenting/child development books). But parents can’t be perfect, kids aren’t programmable robots, and it never hurts to keep trying to be better.

I'm confident as a parent, and totally fine with not being perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I’m not quite “enough” as a parent. I’m utterly perplexed by people who seem confident as parents (and yeah, I’ve read a library of parenting/child development books). But parents can’t be perfect, kids aren’t programmable robots, and it never hurts to keep trying to be better.

I'm confident as a parent, and totally fine with not being perfect.

I'm not confident as a parent, and realize that no one is perfect so I shouldn't expect perfection from myself. But it's tough to reconcile when I feel pressure.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? Most people overestimate themselves... both their ability and their results.

Just look at all the kids you see around, and all the parents making all their excuses for their kids’ behavior. They hide behind buzz words like “age appropriate” but really they’re just bad parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Most people overestimate themselves... both their ability and their results.

Just look at all the kids you see around, and all the parents making all their excuses for their kids’ behavior. They hide behind buzz words like “age appropriate” but really they’re just bad parents.

Ironically, this post is a perfect illustration. A lot of parents are like this PP and think everyone ELSE is “doing it wrong.”

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what other people think. But I agree with the PP who wrote, "But parents can’t be perfect, kids aren’t programmable robots, and it never hurts to keep trying to be better." We can never really know how much parenting matters. Personally, I think kids are who they are, and all we can do is tinker on the edges, teach them some basic manners and social conventions, and make sure they know they are loved unconditionally. But those things are important, so I look for ways that I can do a better job of teaching my kid how to behave, fostering her positive qualities, and help guide her as she figures out how to deal with life's challenges.

[Anonymous]

The bad ones overestimate The good ones underestimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Most people overestimate themselves... both their ability and their results.

Just look at all the kids you see around, and all the parents making all their excuses for their kids’ behavior. They hide behind buzz words like “age appropriate” but really they’re just bad parents.

Ironically, this post is a perfect illustration. A lot of parents are like this PP and think everyone ELSE is “doing it wrong.”

Dp. Honestly, most parents vastly overestimate their parenting skills and think since they are a parent they know best. If you want to deal with your child’s bad behavior then you are the best parent for your child. I wouldn’t call anyone a bad parent (unless of course they are abusing their child) but I also wouldn’t call the majority of parents I’ve seen good parents. They are parents. They are learning as they go but have an air that since they gave birth that means they know everything. They don’t. No one does.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to answer for myself. Both.

I overestimate some stuff, that I don’t really feel like beating myself up for right now.

I underestimate how consistent I am, how much I listen to their feelings, and I whenever they are being bratty (temporarily), I forget what cool and fun and sweet kids they are (did I do that? Meh probably not).

Idk. We all make choices as parents and we can’t do it all, and we bring to the table our previous life experiences that shaped us... and it all shapes them.

I tell my kids sometimes that I’m not a superhero, and I run out of energy, and “it’s time to go to bed!” Or “it’s time to give me a break and figure out what you need by yourself.”

So if I fall short somewhere, it’s because I’m human.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer is relative to the intent of the parent. There are way too many parents who think that a parent can parent in a certain way that guarantees their kid will be a genius/gifted athlete/whatever. Those people overestimate their own abilities, because NOBODY can do that. But there are also parents who bought into that hype and feel like because their kid isn't this superstar, they're bad parents, and that's not true either. Most families that provide basic necessities and genuinely care about their children's well-being and safety are doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a matter of being honest with yourself, combined with a bit of knowledge (child development, child psychology, etc.).

I know what parts of parenting I'm awesome at and what parts I'm weak on.

This. There are some things that I do better than others. For the things that I'm weak on I try to get my kids around other adult role models who do a good job with those areas.

I think that, for the most part, dh an I do a pretty decent job parenting. We're not perfect people but I think we have good hearts and our priorities are in the right place with regards to our kids.

[Anonymous]

Yo unconditional love is all what it takes. Either you have it or you don’t. And they don’t sell it at the Walmart