Is every other week enough to see grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

My DD and her family are moving 40 miles away. I have always taken care of my grandchildren (1 and 6) at least once a week and taken the older one places. My visits/babysitting usually lasts eight hours.

I mentioned to my DD that I would only be able to drive up to see them after she moved every other weekend and she got very upset. She said I would lose my relationship with my older grandchild and my younger grandchild would forget me.

I am 64, still working, and have a life!

[Anonymous]

You raised a brat.

[Anonymous]

???

My parents live in Europe and see their grandkids once a year. There are many international families in this area in the same situation.

I cannot relate to your daughter’s “problem” - seems she’s just missing the free babysitting...

[Anonymous]

You taking care of your grandchildren so frequently (those aren't "visits" or "babysitting" in 8-hour chunks, darling, that's unpaid child care) has taught your daughter that what you have now is a normal grandparent relationship; it's not. You allowing this dynamic from the start has led both you and your daughter to have a skewed view of grandparenting vs. free child care.

Tell her that you are going to visit at about X and Y times and that you'll see how it goes, but you have a job and a life and it's not on you that she chose to move farther away.

[Anonymous]

If she wanted to keep things as they are, she shouldn't be moving 40 miles away.

[Anonymous]

That’s plenty. My husband’s parents live 300 miles away and see my kids every 6-8 weeks. They FaceTime 1-2x a week and my kids know them, are comfortable with them and enjoy their visits. My kids are 2 and 5

[Anonymous]

She is moving away from you not the other way around. If she feels once a week is so important, she can come to you. But trust me, most families make do with much less (a few times a year) and still have strong relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to keep things as they are, she shouldn't be moving 40 miles away.

Some people commute 40 miles to work daily. No, you don't need to see your grandkids more than every other week if you're busy, but it's easy to do if you have the time.

[Anonymous]

Your relationship with the kids will be fine. My parents visit a few times a year from out of state, and my ILs visit weekly or every other week. DD has good relationships with both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to keep things as they are, she shouldn't be moving 40 miles away.

Some people commute 40 miles to work daily. No, you don't need to see your grandkids more than every other week if you're busy, but it's easy to do if you have the time.

Not in an area with bad traffic. 40 miles in my town (Los Angeles) can easily take over two hours or more.

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old sees his grandparents FAR less than every other week and knows who they are. We skype and talk on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter sounds like a difficult person. You might want to think about how you can try to prevent the grandchildren from ending up like her. I'm not sure if that would involve spending more or less time with them.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is. As they get older she can drop one or two off at your house for a weekend evening if everyone is ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You raised a brat.

I agree. What does she want you to do? She is the one moving away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she wanted to keep things as they are, she shouldn't be moving 40 miles away.

Some people commute 40 miles to work daily. No, you don't need to see your grandkids more than every other week if you're busy, but it's easy to do if you have the time.

Yes I know, that doesn't mean it's pleasant or that OP is required to do it more than she wants.