Social media bad behavior by a parent

[Anonymous]

I have a parent who has ramped up their use of social media extensively over the past few years, and uses it to post highly-charged political things frequently. I sometimes post political opinion too, but it is seldom, and when I do it is using civilized language and is evidence-based. My parent's posts, sometimes daily ones, are in a tone that is not backed by any evidence and sometimes have no context, is often stuff that Snopes would snuff out, and is really mean. I agree with their political slant, but the tone and babbling fervor is unbecoming and not helping to advance a good agenda. It doesn't affect me, except when the posts offend mutual friends, and I understand my friends in common separate us as individuals but it makes me so sad to see this person whom I've respected paint themselves with such an ugly, dumbed-down brush over and over again.

I don't think I can say anything and I know this is a common problem with older adults. What do you do to not get annoyed or provoked to speak up when you see your parent has told the entire state of ____ to go *&# themselves? It's so off-putting and antagonistic and it's ruining their own relationships, which I don't think is their goal. And no, they are not senile. I cringe that in a few years my child will be able to see this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Mute them and go about your day.

[Anonymous]

I had to unfriend my dad on FB. I still love him, but I limit how much contact he has with my minor and I know I’d face professional and social consequences for his political views. There’s senility there, but I think it’s mainly the constant diet of conservative radio and cable tv.

[Anonymous]

I always call out stuff like that. There are consequences, such as being blocked. And if they do this is real like, then we don't see each other that much.

I refuse to have stupid mean people in my life.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. In my case, parent is further emboldened by his opioid addiction.

You have to accept that you cannot control them. Defriend them and forget about it. It might sound impossible to do, but it is what you actually need to do.

This is what I’ve done. When my dad scoffed at me defriending him, I just calmly told him I’d prefer to stick to in person interactions and left it at that. He went nuts. I ignored him.

I think it also helped that I called the few people in my family who have been particularly offended by my dad and apologized on his behalf. I also told them that I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again unless they block him.

And, uh, to the other posters, it’s not just conservative older parents who act like jerks online. People of both political affiliations do this.

[Anonymous]

OP I really sympathize- it is annoying but common these days, unfortunately. Both my parents and ILs are this way (and some other family members too)- to varying degrees. They are all fine in person, for the most part.

You can of course hide them and/or prevent them from posting on your wall. You could also get rid of FB altogether.

What I did was: whittle my FB account down to only close friends I actually like, and want to keep in touch with. I changed my acct name to something else (like “first name middle name” instead of full name). I told family who asked that I was doing this to keep a tight lid on everything because of my job, and that I mostly use FB for work and to keep in touch with a few distant friends. Instead, I upload pics to a password protected photo share site every month or so, so they can all still get pics of the kids there. I also text updates to close family as I normally did. So, it solved the FB problem but they still get info. I didn’t want to get rid of FB altogether because I do use and enjoy it Occasionally.

We can still be close, but I don’t feel obligated to have family on my social media. It is only one communication method of many.

Any mutual friends who see their stuff probably do not judge you- this is so so common among the elderly. You are far from the only one.

So my advice: get them off of your social media, and continue relationship in other ways.

[Anonymous]

My mom, the liberal, does this. If she posts something truly egregious and really an exaggeration I point it out to her, either publically on Facebook or privately.

If it's not a relative I mute the person. Facebook has a 30-day mute button and I tell you - getting those people off my feed, even though I agree with them has really done a lot for my mental health.

[Anonymous]

You can unfollow them on Facebook. They won't show up in your newsfeed, but you're still friends and they won't know any better.