Shared Room and Different Sleep Needs

[Anonymous]

Our almost-7-year-old and our 4.5-year-old have been sharing a room for the last two years. Ever since the younger one dropped her nap, they've shared a bedtime routine with lights out around 7:30 and wake up around 6:30. It appears that the older one needs a little less sleep now and is either taking a long time to fall asleep or waking up really early if she falls asleep quickly. Any tips on transitioning to letting her have less sleep without blowing up the program? If the younger one falls asleep, we sometimes let the older one read a book with a flashlight. Should we just get her a little light and tell her she can read once the younger one is asleep? I'm afraid if we say she can read in the living room while the younger one goes to sleep the little one will protest and never sleep.

[Anonymous]

I would never have put them in at the same time to begin with.

But yes, I’d tell the younger one her bedtime is first and sorry but that’s just the way it is. It may take a week but she’ll get the hang of it. My girls are three years apart (and don’t share) but my older one goes to sleep almost an hour after the younger one. That’s a long time to read in the dark with a flashlight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have put them in at the same time to begin with.

But yes, I’d tell the younger one her bedtime is first and sorry but that’s just the way it is. It may take a week but she’ll get the hang of it. My girls are three years apart (and don’t share) but my older one goes to sleep almost an hour after the younger one. That’s a long time to read in the dark with a flashlight.

If you don’t think they should be together, what do you suggest for a 2 bedroom house? Parents sleep in the living room so each kids has their own room? That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have put them in at the same time to begin with.

But yes, I’d tell the younger one her bedtime is first and sorry but that’s just the way it is. It may take a week but she’ll get the hang of it. My girls are three years apart (and don’t share) but my older one goes to sleep almost an hour after the younger one. That’s a long time to read in the dark with a flashlight.

Do you mean to have avoided this situation? I'm pretty happy to have had a two-year run of doing a joint bedtime. They like it and it's generally easier on us because there's only one bedtime routine per night.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's fair to plan your 7 year old's schedule around avoiding a tantrum from your 4.5 year old.

Set a new schedule for the 7 year old, explain why to both kids, and yes it may just be "because she's 7 and you are 4". Maybe think of a small treat the 4 year old can have after doing bedtime without a fuss for a week while you all adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have put them in at the same time to begin with.

But yes, I’d tell the younger one her bedtime is first and sorry but that’s just the way it is. It may take a week but she’ll get the hang of it. My girls are three years apart (and don’t share) but my older one goes to sleep almost an hour after the younger one. That’s a long time to read in the dark with a flashlight.

Do you mean to have avoided this situation? I'm pretty happy to have had a two-year run of doing a joint bedtime. They like it and it's generally easier on us because there's only one bedtime routine per night.

Sure, it's great for *you* - and your older one liked it for a bit, but now its a problem.

You can't treat kids that are 3 years apart the same way. Kids who are older get to do more stuff; kids who are younger get more stuff done for them. Your younger one should start getting used to it now. And you should start getting used to doing things that are less convenient for you as parents because it's best for your kids.

And a PP is right, setting your older daughter's schedule to avoid the younger one getting upset is a recipe for disaster, both now and down the road.

[Anonymous]

I think this is just one (the first?) example in a long line of examples where your younger DC is going to need to just understand that older = more privileges (responsibility too). Right? you can't make the older one wait to drive when the younger one can. It wouldn't be right to allow them to both start dating at the same time (and the younger would be at a 2 year younger age) and so on and so forth. Just get comfortable owning your role in deciding who gets to do what when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have put them in at the same time to begin with.

But yes, I’d tell the younger one her bedtime is first and sorry but that’s just the way it is. It may take a week but she’ll get the hang of it. My girls are three years apart (and don’t share) but my older one goes to sleep almost an hour after the younger one. That’s a long time to read in the dark with a flashlight.

Do you mean to have avoided this situation? I'm pretty happy to have had a two-year run of doing a joint bedtime. They like it and it's generally easier on us because there's only one bedtime routine per night.

Sure, it's great for *you* - and your older one liked it for a bit, but now its a problem.

You can't treat kids that are 3 years apart the same way. Kids who are older get to do more stuff; kids who are younger get more stuff done for them. Your younger one should start getting used to it now. And you should start getting used to doing things that are less convenient for you as parents because it's best for your kids.

And a PP is right, setting your older daughter's schedule to avoid the younger one getting upset is a recipe for disaster, both now and down the road.

That's my point. the person I was responding to said she NEVER would have done it in the first place. Now, I'm trying to figure out what to do next. I'm thinking we might stick with the shared bedtime and then let the older one read in our bed for a while longer before going to bed. The girls are really enjoying shared reading out loud before bed and I don't want to stop that right when we're in the middle of the Ramona series!

[Anonymous]

I think you need to ask your older child what she wants to do and take that into consideration. My kids don't run my house, but I do care how they feel, and I wouldn't want my older child resenting my younger child because she has to go to bed earlier than she wants. Your younger one needs to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

People are going a little crazy here (surprise, surprise). It sounds like you had a good few years and now needs have changed so you adjust. It sounds like the older one is happy ready with a light in bed so just let her do that. The quiet/ reading time is a great before bed activity.

[Anonymous]

Wow. My 7 year old goes to be at 9 and wakes up between 7-7:30. 7:30 is really early for a kid that old. I think letting your 7 year old stay up in another room is probably better. It might be worse for the younger one if they have to look at the older one doing something while they are supposed to be sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are going a little crazy here (surprise, surprise). It sounds like you had a good few years and now needs have changed so you adjust. It sounds like the older one is happy ready with a light in bed so just let her do that. The quiet/ reading time is a great before bed activity.

Yeah, part of the reason I'm hesitant to make a big change is that the older one isn't even complaining about the early bedtime. She's just taking longer to fall asleep/waking up earlier. Of course as soon as we work this out, school will let out and then it'll be summer and everything will be crazy again!

[Anonymous]

I think you should let your 7 year old read in bed with a small night light for an hour. It might work great. Try it for a week and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should let your 7 year old read in bed with a small night light for an hour. It might work great. Try it for a week and see.

You could also try podcasts or music with headphones if you are looking for in bed entertainment. You just want to be sure it doesn't keep her up later than she needs too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My 7 year old goes to be at 9 and wakes up between 7-7:30. 7:30 is really early for a kid that old. I think letting your 7 year old stay up in another room is probably better. It might be worse for the younger one if they have to look at the older one doing something while they are supposed to be sleeping.

My 6 yo, soon to be 7, goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. He needs the sleep. Each kid is different.

My DS takes a while to fall asleep, mainly he wants to be with us and not sleeping. He activly fights falling asleep. He will wake up in the morning and tell us that he didn't sleep at all because he doesn't need sleep. We have a running joke in our family. DS falls asleep in the car, I take a picture (not the driver), DS wakes up and swears he was not sleeping. I show him the picture and he tells us he was resting his eyes but he was wake.

More likely then not, the older kid just doesn't want to go to bed and it has nothing to do with the bed time.

If she is not super cranky because of the shift, I would let her read a bit but not in the shared room. It is likely to distract her sibling. I would do all your normal bed time stuff with both of them, send the older one to a quiet spot to read for 20 minutes and tuck in the younger one for bed. The older one has to go to bed quietly at the end of the 20 minutes.