Please share your teen/tween eating disorder recovery story - looking for happy thoughts

[Anonymous]

DD was diagnosed with anorexia last year. Through much hard work (understatement), she's been weight restored for 3 months. We are now working on some of the behaviors associated with the disorder amongst other issues. Can you please share your recovery success story as I've seemed to have fallen into a deep depression after going through months of the refeeding process. DD is getting better now, but I am getting worse. I have a lot of anxiety and freak out over the smallest things. Prime example is that I flipped out at my husband this morning for buying the wrong kind of milk!! He was in a hurry and made a mistake, but I went BAT SHIT CRAZY ON HIM. And I'm starting to do this multiple times a day to all members of the family. What is wrong with me?? Someone please tell me it will eventually get better for not just my daughter, but also for me and the rest of our family.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on weight restoration!!! No one but an ED parent can possibly understand how hard that is! We’re in the middle of it now, and it is utter hell.

You deserve a therapist for you right now. You may have depression. There’s some research just starting to come out about medical PTSD, and specifically about PTSD in parents of children with significant medical issues.

You might benefit from a therapist who does the eye movement therapy (I forget the name) for PTSD. You could also post on the special needs board and see if they have recs for therapists for special needs parents - I’m sure your challenges overlap with theirs.

Good luck and try to take care of yourself in addition to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

Please get therapy. Of course you’re anxious! It’s very scary to have a child with an eating disorder. But you’re not helping anyone in the family by being explosive. Hugs—hope you and your child get the right help you both ultimately need.

[Anonymous]

Anorexia is not our issue but after two years of severe mental health issues, I completely understand where you are coming from. My son is in a better place and has been for awhile. But I am traumatized from the whole experience. I have complete over reactions to things that are normal but in the past would have led to a crisis.

FWIW, I’m trying to do a few things. First, I am trying not to work harder than my son for his success. I give the tools and from there it’s his choice. Fact is, it’s his choice anyway since I can’t force him to do anything. I guess it’s just accepting the reality and coming to terms that only he controls his future. Of course there is some mourning about what might have been.

Second thing is that I’m trying to apply this over my whole life. I try to remember that there are things I can’t control but I can control my reactions to those things. It’s a work in progress for me.

Last thing is that I try to exercise and get outside for awhile every day. It refreshes my spirit. I am also trying to stop doing those things that are completely unproductive and even harmful to me - like overeating. Pizza and chocolate feel so good when I feel bad but I’ve gained weight and that is making things worse overall for me.

Best to you and your family. I find that people don’t get this and I can feel very lonely.

[Anonymous]

My son is 6 months into treatment and achieved weight restoration about 6 weeks ago. His dietitian tried to prepare me for the stress and exhaustion of refeeding but even with the warnings, I wasn't prepared for it. Especially because we decided early on that I would be the primary feeder and the one to attend all of his sessions, which meant that I had my husband constantly second-guessing so much of what I was doing (his natural instinct to question everything is why we made the choice to do it this way and it was the right one, but it still drove me nuts!)

Now that we have moved into phase 2 of the process, I definitely am finding myself in a weird emotional space. I think it has a lot to do with handing over more and more autonomy to my child. I was so careful about everything involved in refeeding and even in the worst moments (hello, flying plate full of food thrown across the room!) I found comfort in knowing I was doing what I needed to do to heal my child. Now that he's getting back more control, I am often panicked about his choices and worried about it all falling apart again. And those feelings come out in odd moments all the time, mostly because I don't want to undermine his progress by freaking out on him if I think he needs another scoop of rice or something like that.

I will say a big help has been the parents I've met hanging around the office waiting for their kids to finish appointments or come back from a food exposure outing. We've created an informal sort of support group and I think it's a nice way to share notes and stressors. I also find a ton of support and ideas on the Around the Dinner Table forum: https://www.feast-ed.org/around-the-dinner-table-forum/. Just a caveat with that group--a lot of people are in very high states of emotion, so make sure you aren't overwhelmed by reading something that could send you into a tailspin.