Help with two boys

[Anonymous]

Hi- Ive got a 6 yr old and 4 yr old boy. They are constantly playing physically with each other (grabbing hair, wrestling, etc), fighting over toys, demolishing each other's legos, etc. Its just constant banging, screaming, etc. I do suspect that my older one has ADHD but its not yet diagnosed (he has an IEP at school for speech and OT needs), so I think his demeanor and behavior is the major source of the problem in terms of starting the rough housing. But my little guy fully engages and copies, etc. Anyone with multiple boys have suggestions on how to get them to play/interact in a calmer, more organized way??

PS this is not meant to start a boys versus girls debate, or a debate about me generalizing boys. Im speaking specifically about my two boys, knowing that not all boys are the same and I am just looking for ideas that have worked from those with a similar dilemma. Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I have three boys. The older two are 5.5 and 3.5 and are constantly at each other’s throats, just like you described. The only thing that keeps me sane is letting it go a bit. I turn a blind eye to most wrestling, as long as they are both participating equally. I think this is just how they play at these ages.

[Anonymous]

Pp here, also we do give consequences for screaming and truly egregious fighting. Immediate time out for both, unless it’s clear that one is totally responsible.

[Anonymous]

My two actually get along well (totally realize how lucky we are there) but definitely rile each other up and play rough. Having a room where they can pretty much go at it and be crazy, and sending them down there when they did, helped, though if they were more inclined to fighting I’m not sure that would have been the solution it was for us. We also physically separated them during meals and such. They’re 8 and 9 now and it’s gotten better.

[Anonymous]

My husband and his brother lived together in college and had minimal furniture in their living room so they could easily push it back and engage in this kind of stuff.
They are both successful professionals and good husbands/fathers now.

[Anonymous]

My boys are now 7 and 9. I do not step in unless it's clear one of them is no longer participating. I just straight up tell them not to bother me about petty squabbles, and to escalate only if someone is bleeding or something is broken.

[Anonymous]

I just send them out to the backyard when they start that. Less chance of destroying anything important, and the fresh air actually does seem to soothe them a bit. They go stir crazy if they are inside for more than a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just send them out to the backyard when they start that. Less chance of destroying anything important, and the fresh air actually does seem to soothe them a bit. They go stir crazy if they are inside for more than a few hours.

+1

I send mine outside to ride bikes or play basketball. I also let the fighting go unless someone gets hurt (badly enough that they come downstairs to complain to me - if it’s just yelling for a moment then I know it’s part of the fun). I have tried to intervene in the past and they told me they’re just “play fighting, not real fighting”.

[Anonymous]

Supervise, redirect, support, separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and his brother lived together in college and had minimal furniture in their living room so they could easily push it back and engage in this kind of stuff.
They are both successful professionals and good husbands/fathers now.

That is adorable.

[Anonymous]

Give them space to get that energy out. My husband tells stories of he and his brothers looking for opportunities to smack each other in the back of the head. It was a running "game" for about 15 years.