Tween wants to go to church

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were both raised Catholic, but neither of us believe in the Catholic church (for all the normal reasons), and have not actively participated in religion for years. The last church we attended was Episcopal.
My husband still identifies as a Christian. Me, I don’t believe in any organized religion (believe in a higher power, just not religion).
We took our children to church every now and then when they were very young, but stopped going 5+ years ago. Kids are now 9 & 11. They occasionally ask about religion & God, and we answer thoughtfully.
Anyway, my older son’s best friend is Catholic. And he goes to youth group, and has sleepovers at church, and parties at church… so my son wants to be a Catholic now.
On one hand, he’s doing it to be with a friend, which isn’t a good reason to pick a religion
On the other hand, going to church provides him with a larger community, which I’m in favor of.
Back to the other hand… the Catholic church of all churches… (I went to Catholic school… I know all about the church and it’s issues)
But his friend is there, so it means he would integrate into the church quickly, as opposed to the episcopal church where we know no one.
So, thoughts? Let him go to catholic church? How involved should my husband and I be?

[Anonymous]

He probably doesn't know enough about what catholics believe to know whether he wants to be catholic. But if I were you, I'd let him go (I'm an atheist). See where it goes. If you don't want to support his interest in being catholic, given the issues you know about, you can also start bringing him to other traditions, episcopalian, or UU. You should be able to find a warm and welcoming place for that sense of community. Even invite the friend along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He probably doesn't know enough about what catholics believe to know whether he wants to be catholic. But if I were you, I'd let him go (I'm an atheist). See where it goes. If you don't want to support his interest in being catholic, given the issues you know about, you can also start bringing him to other traditions, episcopalian, or UU. You should be able to find a warm and welcoming place for that sense of community. Even invite the friend along.

Sensible response.
—practicing Catholic mom

[Anonymous]

It’s best to let him experience different things, including other denominations. Right now anyway he’s too young to have a definitive knowledge of what exactly pertains to being a Catholic, but it’s never too early to start learning.

[Anonymous]

Why not take him to experience some different deminations? Like another Episcopal Church Presbyterian, or Lutheran?

Does he have to join the Catholic Church to attend? Or can you sit down and talk to him about the issues in the church and why you don't belong? I would think about it, as you do want him to protect himself if he continues to be involved in the youth group (or any youth group, for that matter.)

[Anonymous]

Oh lord, let him go with the friend. You are far and away more influential regarding religion than anyone in his life. Don’t overthink it. He’s curious and social. It’s all good.

[Anonymous]

I would allow him to attend Catholic services, but also look for opportunities for him to engage in other affiliations, or study the Bible on his own. Share your experience and allow him the freedom of choice and your support in that.answer questions, no id you can’t, research and direct him to resources that can.

It’s good that he had a friend encouraging him to join this community, and I would be open to that, but I would also take the opportunity to help him examine the deeper principles of the practice of developing your own unique relationship with God. Not in a conformed religion but in a direct intimate personal relationship with a greater power and being than himself.

Share your spiritual journey. Share your husbands spiritual journey. And support his spiritual journey.

[Anonymous]

Let him go. Religion at its best helps our kids grow into good people embedded in the community.

My time with temple youth group is something I cherish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord, let him go with the friend. You are far and away more influential regarding religion than anyone in his life. Don’t overthink it. He’s curious and social. It’s all good.

And if he ever decides he wants to be Catholic, it’s quite complicated— as you know. It’s not like accepting Jesus into your heart the way the evangelicals .

It’s conversion classes. That’s when you can give your thoughts on the church itself. Plus he himself might get turned off by the complexities of it..

[Anonymous]

I had a friend that was Christian and I wanted to go to church because my friend went. I was around 10 years old and was pretty much told that I was going to hell because I didn't believe in Jesus. This was shocking to me because I didn't know who he was. I think your kid just wants to hang out with his friend. Perhaps you should just take him to church of your choosing and have his friend tag along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend that was Christian and I wanted to go to church because my friend went. I was around 10 years old and was pretty much told that I was going to hell because I didn't believe in Jesus. This was shocking to me because I didn't know who he was. I think your kid just wants to hang out with his friend. Perhaps you should just take him to church of your choosing and have his friend tag along.

I had a similar experience when I was a little older - 12 or 13 maybe. I actually made steps to be confirmed and join a friends presbyterian church but was told my family was going to hell because they were not believers. To be clear, I don’t think I was much of a believer either, I just liked the community, the large youth group, and time with my friend. I stopped going after that.

To OP’s question - let your kid go to church and see where it goes. Keep the lines of communication open.

[Anonymous]

I was your son. My parents didn't practice any religion, and I'd never been to church. A made a friend in middle school who was Catholic. A Saturday night sleepover at her house always included Church early Sunday morning, that was my first exposure to religion. Then I started hearing stories about youth group and other activities. I asked my mom to let me join her, initially for the youth group, eventually some camps, church sponsored activities, and even Mass a few times. It was partly about spending time with my friend, partly a fascination of what this group was all about. There were some nice people involved, and I ended up making a few friends. Ultimately I decided the religion thing was not for me, and now I don't practice any more than my parents did.

I'd say let your kid explore. This sounds like a pretty safe way for him to learn what it's all about, and he'll eventually make his own decisions about whether to pursue it further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s best to let him experience different things, including other denominations. Right now anyway he’s too young to have a definitive knowledge of what exactly pertains to being a Catholic, but it’s never too early to start learning.

For instance, now is an excellent time to learn about the sexual miscondtuct in the Catholic Church. Years ago, it was all covered up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would allow him to attend Catholic services, but also look for opportunities for him to engage in other affiliations, or study the Bible on his own. Share your experience and allow him the freedom of choice and your support in that.answer questions, no id you can’t, research and direct him to resources that can.

It’s good that he had a friend encouraging him to join this community, and I would be open to that, but I would also take the opportunity to help him examine the deeper principles of the practice of developing your own unique relationship with God. Not in a conformed religion but in a direct intimate personal relationship with a greater power and being than himself.

Share your spiritual journey. Share your husbands spiritual journey. And support his spiritual journey.

IOW, the way pp did.

Turns out that some good people simply don't have a "spiritual journey" -- or if they do, it leads away from religious belief.