If you have an only child and no local family

[Anonymous]

If you have an only child and no local family, how do you spend holidays?

We have an only due to secondary infertility.

Both our families are thousands of miles away and because DH has to work all major holidays, we don't travel to family then. We travel to them in the summer.

They are not interested in traveling to us for holidays.

I usually end up hosting holidays with friends, and we do that for some holidays. Other holidays we go out of town, just the 3 of us.

It feels a bit lonely, to be honest.

Wondering how others in a similar situation handle it.

[Anonymous]

We do pretty much the same thing, except that grandparents sometimes come to us on thanksgiving/christmas. Now that our child is older, we've started to travel more on holidays.

It is very different from the chaotic, whole-extended-family holiday gatherings I experienced as a kid and it often feels like something is missing, but that's just how it is. We have fun together and try to focus on the positive aspects of being able to make our own traditions.

[Anonymous]

My spouse also often has to work on holidays, and our families also do not usually travel to us. We've made our "village" here, though, and have have holiday dinners with neighbors and longtime friends in the area. While I like seeing my family, I actually like our quiet, calm holidays (those spent with relatives can be a bit chaotic).

[Anonymous]

We have the only grandchildren so they travel to us. I love spending holidays just us. Family stresses me out ALWAYS.

We see our family but we have a few friends we get together with. I often host a Friendsgiving dinner. Last year, we celebrated mother’s day with friends. My friend hosts a holiday party and our kids get secret Santa gifts.

I don’t work and I’m in a few moms groups (moms club and meetup). There are always holiday themed play dates and parties. Just this year, I went to a Halloween party, xmas cookie exchange, Valentine’s Day and maybe 3 Easter egg hunts. All hosted by moms groups.

[Anonymous]

We, our family of three, have made our own traditions and holiday memories! My mother is deceased (never knew my father) and DH’s parents are mentally ill and deceased. We have one child by choice and have never wanted any life but the one we have!

[Anonymous]

We are in the same boat, although no local family to us means no LOCAL family. We do have some within a few hours driving, which is different from you. Often on holidays we travel the few hours and spend time with family. This Easter we had no plans and I decided I wanted a community feel, so we invited some childless neighbors over and made a nice brunch. They watched/participated with my son while he found some eggs, and we all dyed eggs together. It was fun for them to do some "kid holiday stuff" and fun for us to have a little more of a festive feel. I think we are going to have to just continue to make our own little community on holidays where we don't travel.

I agree that it can feel a bit lonely if you tell yourself that story, but when I examine the feeling I realize it's not because of our only child status. Tf we had a second child our holiday circumstances wouldn't be THAT different. There would just be two kids finding eggs, etc. It wouldn't automatically turn the holidays into the festive large family affairs of my childhood.

But mostly, I agree with PPs that make the best of what we have. I try to be grateful for the holidays that we have and remember it's the only thing my son knows. We make them fun with special traditions, and he is never anything but thrilled.

[Anonymous]

We spend holidays in varying ways: usually a meal with friends, a meal on our own, Xmas morning with just us, etc. We both come from large, overbearing, abusive families, so it honestly feels like a big relief to celebrate holidays with just the three of us.

[Anonymous]

We have a friend with one child. They often do local road trips, not necessarily on the actual holiday but that weekend. I know they like Hershey and Busch gardens.

I don’t know if having 1 or 2 kids matter. I have a friend who used to host all the time when she had one child. She invited people over for Super Bowl, holiday party, trick or treating, thanksgiving. She is just a generous good host. Now she has a second child and she hosts less. We get invited to birthday parties and we go out to dinner occasionally. I miss when she used to invite us over all the time.

Now I host the most in my circles. People seem to like coming over because everyone always says yes.

[Anonymous]

We travel. We go to Mexico every Thanksgiving and Europe every Christmas. We travel more than that, but those are two definites.

We do a Friendsgiving the weekend before Thanksgiving with our close friends. It's a ton of fun.

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced, have an only child, and all my family lives abroad. I get my kid every other holiday. The holidays went from my favorite time of the year to the absolute worst. It's very hard to not celebrate with family. I do my best to volunteer every year, this last year was the first one during which I did nothing. I went out with friends on Christmas day.

If I could, I'd host all my friends but they either have their families intact and are spending it with the bigger family or they're divorced like me and have plans of some sort. It's tough! If I learned anything through this is to always create a good community aruond you and make even the worst times good for your kid! Hosting with friends sounds awesome!

[Anonymous]

We spend it together and either go out or just relax at home. Maybe find another family or two and invite them.

[Anonymous]

Family is important to us, so we make the effort. We take time off at the holidays to travel. My DH is military and also works a lot of holidays, so I plan to go for longer than him. We get a few days together and then I stay on for a few days after he leaves.

[Anonymous]

We travel to family each holiday.
It feels like an obligation.
I wish we stayed home more and focused on our nuclear family, but travelling to be with family is just what we've always done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We travel to family each holiday.
It feels like an obligation.
I wish we stayed home more and focused on our nuclear family, but travelling to be with family is just what we've always done.

OP lives in my ideal scenarios. Instead, I am forced to host DH's multiple relatives whenever they feel we should treat them for a vacation. I know I have a DH problem. I am working on it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes we join a neighbor (Easter)
Sometimes I travel with or without DH so DS can have grandparent time (Thanksgiving)
Sometimes we bail and use it as an excuse to do a vacation somewhere (Christmas)

I appreciate the quiet 99% of the time. On the odd occasions we’ve hosted extended family for a holiday, I end up super stressed.