Two being harder + age difference
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Anonymous
| Parent of one and thinking about two. I hear everyone on here frequently say that having two is significantly harder than having one, and I believe you. But I'm wondering how the age difference factors in. For example, if you have two under two, I imagine that would be a lot harder than having a five year old and a newborn? And of course this all depends on the kids' personalities but I'm curious to hear your thoughts. |
Anonymous
| OP I'm sure you'll get lots of answers. I noticed that you're only asking about the early years. Raising kids is a long-term prospect. At different stages, the age difference affects you in different ways. |
Anonymous
OP here, and that's a good point. Most of these thread seem to focus on how hard it is early on, and my kid is still quote young so that's probably where my head is at. But I'd love to hear about all of the experiences. |
Anonymous
| My kids are no longer babies, they're 6 and 9. And two is so much easier than one. They play together, fight, teach each other and help each other. |
Anonymous
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Because of IVF failures and miscarriages, our kids are 4.5 years apart. It wasn't what we wanted, but I've enjoyed it for a few reasons:
- We only paid for both for about six months before the older one started K - that was huge - The older child is independent and this makes a tremendous difference when it's two (kids) vs one (parent) at bedtime, outings, etc. - The older child enjoys his role as big brother and can often be trusted to "watch" the younger one for a few minutes while we tidy up, etc. - The love between then is visceral - cannot imagine either being any other way |
Anonymous
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It was really hard when they were little. But at least they were kind of in the same place when it came to vacation planning, family activities, votes for movies, need for downtime, e.g. We didn't have 1 in diapers taking 2 naps a day and 1 ready for a full-day adventure. Now they're 3 under 11 and still relatively at the same level, all in elementary school and they play well together. The 10.5 year old still has fun in the backyard with the 6-going-on-7 year old.
But I can see how there are definitely advantages to spacing them out too. |
Anonymous
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My youngest two are both under 2 and I find it very difficult:
- Constantly changing diapers - The 1 year old get jealous very easily and both her and the 7 month old just happen to start crying at the same time - They play tag team in the middle of the night - I'm having a hard time cutting the pacifier and bottle habit from the 1 year old. If she doesn't have her own, it will get stolen from the baby My 5 year old is very helpful. He is able to get me diapers/wipes, hold the door for me, hold the bottle for the baby, do his morning and night routine with some supervison but little help. I am so thankful for that. |
Anonymous
+1, although mine are 3 and 6. I think it also helps that my older child is calm, responsible, independent, and loving. |
Anonymous
+2. We have a 26 month age difference and it is perfect. |
Anonymous
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I honestly believe that whatever age gap you get will turn out to be the best one for your family because it’s what you get used to. Plus, these are your kids - I can’t imagine having any different kids!
That being said, I had two under two. Yes, it was exhausting and stressful in the beginning, but there were benefits. My 20-month-old didn’t care about the new baby at all so there was very little sibling rivalry. We got really good at conveyor belt diaper changes and they became a breeze. By the time number 1 outgrew something, it wasn’t too long before number 2 was ready for it which helped us keep clutter and storage minimized. I also didn’t have to worry about school drop-off/pick-up or other schedules. We ran our own ship which meant everybody got full naps in their cribs/beds when they needed them. I was a bit of a nap zealot so that meant a lot to me. Number 1 didn’t start any preschool until number 2 was 18 months and even that was not mandatory so we could skip if somebody was having a bad day. Now they are 4 & 5.5 and are best friends who play really well together. |
Anonymous
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Mine are 18 months apart and we LOVE it. The oldest was still a baby, so they both napped. Now, at 4 and 2.75, they play together and we do the same things.
My friend has a 5 year old and 1 year old and dislikes it because she can’t do baby things, nor can she do big boy things. So, you never know. |
Anonymous
| I have 3 under 3 and I love that when they get a little older they will all be in the same age range/stage and can participate in similar activities. |
Anonymous
+3, I have 2 kids who are almost exactly 2 years apart, now 7 and 5. It has gotten so much easier as time has gone on. They definitely bicker but they play together a LOT. |
Anonymous
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You say "honey I'm going out with katie for brunch next saturday, leaving at 9 and I'll be back at 1". Here's the breakfast and lunch for the kids, see ya".
And then get up that morning and leave. And/or "I've signed up for evening yoga/book club/whatever. in Thursday's so you'll need to do bedtime". And then leave after dinner. |
Anonymous
Mine are 5 and 8 and they fight constantly. |